Would I sound like a precious twat face for asking form teacher this?

[BenWillbondsPants]

Disclaimer: I am not normally a knob about stuff like this.

In DS's school they are given achievement points over the course of the year, usual stuff - good work, behaviour etc. He's a quiet lad, just gets a consistent amount over the course of the term etc., nothing outstanding, just an average amount. He mentioned to me today that he hasn't had any for the last 9 weeks at all. He has no warning points or detentions at all, no calls or emails from school regarding his work or behaviour, report card says he has a good work ethic etc.

He says he's just not 'brainy enough or naughty enough' to get achievement points as he just gets on with the lesson and on to the next one etc. Lots of the more disruptive kids get achievement points on the occasions that they don't disrupt lessons - I know this, I've even done it myself (I work in a school, rewarding good behaviour, ignoring the bad etc., sometimes it works), but I think it's knocking his confidence a bit.

Would I be an absolute tool to email his teacher and just ask about it? I'm really not a 'I demand my little Johnny have more points' type of parent. Honestly ...

Absolutely ask. I hate this points based system. It’s obvioysly crosses your DS’s mind and if it’s lowering his self esteem then I think you should. I can’t see what harm it would do.

I would just ask, even if you disguise it with ‘I’m a bit confused by it could you please explain the points system so I can reiterate it to DS at home as he doesn’t seem to be getting any points’

I had to do this with my quiet DD at a club she went to which gave a small prize to the best behaved each week, what actually happened was it was given to a normally badly behaved child who had been less disruptive that week. She was getting very upset because she was trying each week but never being noticed.

I contacted the leader without DD knowing to let them know, I explained that I understood why it was happening but that my DD was getting upset. They were fine and lo and behold she was recognized soon after

I hate these systems. DS2 is similar- in top sets, but not “the best” at anything academic, and enjoys sport but is not competitive. He’s in a class of 17, and it’s been almost 3 years since he won the weekly star pupil prize. Instead, it seems to go to “Dylan, because he didn’t get detention this week/ George for not punching anyone/ Josh for finishing a page of maths with no help.” I’m not saying these children don’t deserve it, but it’s such a shame for those who are in the middle of the road and constantly overlooked.

I understand your frustration, my son is the same as yours just ‘ordinary’ he’s desperate to get the class teddy bear but is always overlooked because ‘Keith has bitten anybody all week’ or ‘ sally constantly gets 6/6 in the spelling test’ it’s totally unfair but I think kids like ours always miss out.
Children who are quiet and well behaved get ignored and I think always have been, looking back it was the same when I was at school. I think people would see you as a bit of a ‘that Mum’ if you said anything but sometimes that doesn’t matter and you just need to say something.

DD2's class has Class Dojo and she hardly any gets Dojos. I think it's just when the teacher remembers to do it tbh.

but it’s such a shame for those who are in the middle of the road and constantly overlooked.

This is it exactly. He's no high flyer academically, although he's a hard worker, he isn't sporty, he's never in any trouble. So I kind of feel he just floats along in the middle of these kids that no one knows the name of. But I want someone to just notice that he's a good kid and tries his best.

Personally, I would just speak to his teacher and tell her what your DS has told you the he 'is not brainy enough or naughty enough to get points' See what the response is.

My DD starts high school in September and sounds v similar to many others posters and your child, OP (actually she struggles with maths but not enough to get recognised when she has a good lesson IYSWIM). So I've a feeling she'll be lacking in the House Points department too.

I actually think I must have the only "average " child in school/out of everyone I know. And I don't mean to talk her down by saying that's it's just she is average at most things (as was I). But no one else would ever describe their DC like that.

I'm sure there's a life lesson in it somewhere

Mother of another quiet, middle-of-the-road child here who seems to get less points too - consistency doesn't pay off sometimes!

She doesn't seem too bothered about it tbh. Even in primary school, the points schemes were not a big incentive for her!

Does he put himself out? He doesn't have to be a genius, but does he try that bit harder sometimes?

It's sometimes about effort over and above rather than results.

Oh bless, your DS sounds like a sweetie!

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a quiet word with his teacher, and definitely don't think it necessarily involves coming off badly. Perhaps along the following lines?

"I'm very conscious of not being one of those parents and I'm certainly not here demanding DS be given more achievement points, but I wanted to let you know privately that he has recently commented on the fact he's not getting any because he's not "brainy or naughty enough".

It may be that he's on your radar and there's a good reason he's not been awarded any, which is absolutely fine, but I know he's quite quiet in general and just wanted to make you aware that it seems to have been playing on his mind. I also think he'd be quite motivated by being told how he might earn some points, so if there's anything you'd particularly like him to focus on, this could be a really good tool to get him to do it! [Pleasant sign off]"

How old is he?

Ds is at secondary and has possible ASD. He never gets achievement points. He's coming to the end of year 10 and it's been the same every year. It must be because he is silent in class. He never misbehaves, hands all homework in and in some subjects is one of the highest achievers in the year group. Every year he sits through awards assemblies feeling rubbish. He even has it written into his SEN plan to reinforce good work with points.

It sounds so petty but Ds has incredibly low self esteem and low mood and if teachers could give him an achievement point now and again it would make a difference. I've have been asking the school about this for four years but nothing changes. We are fighting so many battles for him at the moment though I think the issue with lack of points will have to wait.

My oh is a teacher at a comp and he says it’s a totally valid question.
Phrase it “ds wants to know what he can do” sort of thing.