Is there a name for this? (strange grief behaviour)

[DrHouseMD]

My ILs to be, MIL and SIL in particular, grieve people they have never met.

When they read on Facebook or in the papers that someone, particularly a child, is unwell or has had an accident, the outpouring of grief is such they will change their Facebook photograph to a picture of the person with a heart and flower frame, solicit prayers and such, but they don’t know these people. If the person is to die, particularly if it was suicide, they are almost hysterical in their posts.

It goes on for a long time, a year later they will doing the same in memory of this person. Sometimes they will post that they have had a bad day thinking about a person who died, couldn’t do anything, couldn’t go to work, but they've worked through it and need to tell everyone that you live your life as if it’s your last day...

I’ve noticed that quite a few of their Facebook friends do this also (I clicked on a few who were writing long comments on their page). Is it a regional thing? (Liverpool area.)

MIL is a very morose person, I have never seen her happy about anything. I’ve seen SIL nearly cry because she didn’t win the lottery. They both complain a lot, nothing is ever quite right for them. SIL’s children are a bit like this also. They talk a lot about people who have died who they don’t know. They know their names and everything.

Is it depression?

Are you sure your DP is fully immune from this mawkish batshittery? That strikes me as the important thing.

Grief stealers. I fucking hate it.

When my dad died, a 'friend' posted the most grief-stricken posts about him. Took a photo from my FB and put it on hers. She had never met my dad never mind spoken to him.

LineRunner Yes, he finds them ridiculous.

He moved away from the area years ago and, as mentioned, I’m wondering whether it is a regional thing. Certainly the people who comment and post similar on Facebook all live in the same town.

I find my dad and SM to be weird in a similar way. The only way I can describe them is morbid.
If someone is ill they love to talk non stop about it, and want to visit them (not strangers like yours, but people they may know or know through someone)
It drives me mad!! They are only interested in me if unwell! Twice I've been admitted to hospital and not told them as they visit the whole time I'm there, not respecting my wish for no visitors as want to rest. They then tell there whole circle about it, but exaggerate it massively!!

Your in laws sound so weird!!

BenWillbondsPants

Grief stealers? Is that a thing? Why?

Back in pre-internet days (I'm an old gimmer!!) there were people that used to routinely go to the funerals of people they didn't know. This behaviour has always gone on, bizarrely, it's just that social media makes it more obvious.

TheRedSquare

Yes, morbid. Especially if the tragedy is to do with suicide or children.

It’s so bad I cannot look at their Facebook pages anymore.

Sounds like it could be depression based. I will admit I will read newspaper stories and shed a tear sometimes, particularly if it’s very tragic. I tend to internalise this stuff though so wouldn’t post on social media.

For them to like the public sharing of the grief that sounds quite virtue signalling with a heap of attention seeking.

putastrawunderbaby I can imagine MIL and SIL doing just that. They go and look at the flowers, read the messages, outside houses or on the roadside when someone has died. They don’t take flowers though I suspect that is to do with the cost.

sheshootssheimplores I hadn’t thought of it as virtue signalling but it is. The ILs never give to charity ever (and are quite vocal about that) as they “don’t believe in it” so this is their way of displaying how they care I think.

Grief Hijackers.

First coined when two random women who had never met the McCann family went to Portugal and shaved their heads on a boat trip to draw attention (to them) to Madeleine’s disappearance.

Soola OMG I’ve never heard of that!

I can’t find a link to the story about the shaved headed women. An anyone help?

It’s more likely it’s just posting for attention and likes, doubt they are actually sad or grieving for people they don’t know. Maybe just ignore it or gently bring it up in Conversation that it’s a little bit over the top.

It is quite common in the region you have described though I doubt it’s exclusive to Liverpool

I call them grief thieves. It’s fucking weird behaviour but I don’t think it has a recognised underlying basis. I have an immediate relative who does this to the extent of turning up at funerals of people they have never met (like a friend of a neighbour for example), wailing and carrying on and inserting themselves front and centre with the immediate grieving family. The majority of people are too polite and too grief stricken to say who the fuck are you and what the absolute fuck do you think you are doing. Other people there more removed would assume they have direct involvement with the deceased given their carry on so would not confront them. It’s obviously a form of attention seeking.

QueenOfWinterfell I’ve never noticed it anywhere else before. I am wondering whether it is because it is a depressed area, especially where the ILs live. (There is a 10 year dip in life expectancy in their borough as opposed to 5 miles away. Quite shocking really.)

I’ve never witnessed this exact thing, but my mum has a friend (lived most of her life in Hampshire, last 20 years in Cornwall - no maybe not just Liverpool area) who rings my mum to tell her long detailed accounts of people’s illnesses. Mostly people my mums never met ie

‘You know Doreen from the post office? Did you meet her sister Carol, her husband drives an Allegro?’ My mum doesn’t even know Doreen, so says no, but that doesn’t matter. Her friend will lower her voice and say ‘cancer’

Or ‘Mary’s pissing herself now. Saw her buying Tena’ mum doesn’t know these people, or want to know their personal secrets, but her friend revels in their misfortune.

Also, totally separately, all those people who went mental when that poor little boy was dying in hospital. It was as though he became their hobby.

Misery lives company.

FFS
Loves

Grief porn.

I have a FB acquaintance like this and it does me in, she will find some tenuous connection to whatever national tragedy.

I've taken to saying on FB, 'oh that's sad, how did you know them?' Etc.

Can not stand it.

She also has a child who was born with a chronic illness that I believe is not half as serious as she makes out,

I don't know the pathology behind being like this.

I call them grief wankers. It's all down to attention seeking. I work with one and she actually is insufferable. A nephew of hers died in a car accident and she visibly enjoyed the proximity she had to the tragedy. Stomach churning behaviour really.

She will also go to any funeral. Now we are in Ireland so it's common to go to funerals if you know the person or someone in their family - usually the removal the night before. But Grief Wanker Colleague will literally go to ANY funeral, of people she never knew but just heard of. And especially the ones that have a whiff of tragedy or sudden death about them.

Sorry but I had to laugh at the post earlier about their area having a lower life expectancy, I thought they 2 will fucking love that.

@DrHouseMD

The shaved head women story was true! I can’t find a link at the moment, perhaps it’s now in the archives.

I’m out now but will see if I can find some info later. The women were widely mocked at the time.

Boris Johnson once stated that Liverpudlians were 'hooked on grief' which drew a lot of criticism.

Not long after, this happened //news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/4372230.stm tributes left for dead chicken//