Anyone with M.E. had a baby?

[Santander123]

If so would you mind sharing experiences with me? I’m trying to decide if it would be too hard to manage but the thought of not being able to have children is killing me. Did you manage ok, was it easier than you thought or harder?

Also if anyone decided not to have children and doesn’t mind talking about it could they share that too please. Happy for people to PM if they don’t want it on a public forum.

Yes i have. For me, pregnancy was like a reset button. And i know another with ME who said the same. The hormones did wonders for me. Baby is now 9 months and im still sailing through (painwise!). Dont get me wrong, its hard, but i honestly dont have time to feel sorry for myself or think about if im poorly or not, i just get on with it for his sake. The tiredness is hard. But ive never had a child without having it so i wouldnt know the difference, if im tired from my illness or from motherhood. I just sleep when i can. Dont let it rule your life. My baby has sorted me right out bless him

I had a friend who did and it certainly helped improve the ME, to the extent she went on and had three. She paid for someone to come in and help her for a few hours. We lost contact so I’m not sure how she is longer term.

Slightly different here, I have a different disability including hemiplegia down one side and chronic fatigue but thought I could be helpful.

I had extra monitoring from a consultant throughout pregnancy and needed an elective c-section as it was decided that was the best risk wise. I won't lie it is exhausting having a child but I would not be without her! You find ways around it, I sit down and rest while she plays on the floor, things like that. DD is 4 now and currently expecting our next one, but wanted to let you know it is doable.

Thank you all so much for sharing positive experiences with me. I’ve realised I tend to think about it as being able to manage with my ME at its worst but thankfully that doesn’t happen as often now. I didn’t think about how much having a little baby to think about and care about would help to just be able to get through things. You’ve helped me feel more confident about being able to manage so thank you.

Dont get me wrong, its hard, but i honestly dont have time to feel sorry for myself or think about if im poorly or not, i just get on with it for his sake.

It has not been my experience that people with M.E. sit at home feeling sorry for themselves. We all try to manage as best we can. I have had M.E. for over ten years, and it affects every aspect of my life.

It is possible some people with milder M.E. will be able to cope with pregnancy better than those who have more severe symptoms. I have to use a wheelchair when out and about. I do worry about being a parent with a disability. My health conditions are severe enough that I qualify for a blue badge.

My GP has warned me to expect increased fatigue and nausea during this stage of my pregnancy. However, she says that because I deal with those symptoms on a daily basis, I may be able to cope with them better than others might. And I think that is something to keep in mind, that your symptoms won't necessarily lessen, but that you already cope with them in your daily life so you have the tools others may not.

I have M.E. and another health condition which causes me to be in a lot of pain. What I am finding difficult, and it's early days for my pregnancy, is that I am struggling with my pain levels as I cannot take anti-inflammatories. I anticipate that could get even more challenging as the pregnancy progresses and the stress on my joints increases.

I'd be happy to keep in touch via PM if you have more questions, or just want someone to talk to about this.

Thank you for the offer to stay in touch, that’s very kind. Unfortunately I think I’ve messed things up with my boyfriend over being a bit reluctant to commit to a baby. Not that I don’t want one, I really do but I’m scared of how I will manage.

My ME actually isn’t that bad at the moment, while I don’t work I am able to volunteer once a week and I look after my nephew a couple of days a week so know a little about how I cope with that. I can cope with extra tiredness, like you said I’ve coped with that before so already know how to manage it. I’m lucky that I don’t really get much pain apart from general achy was so that’s one positive.

You’ve all helped me to think about things a bit differently, i know I definitely would regret not having children and having the resources to cope with extra symptoms as I have done when my ME was worse would help a lot. Thanks for pointing that out. Hopefully I can have a talk with my boyfriend and see if we can sort things out.

Yes. I have ME, endometriosis and adenomyosis, and I have twins who are 2.5. I have also been diagnosed with fibromyalgia since they were born. My twins both have ASD, and one has other health issues too.

We carefully discussed how we would manage a baby but we didn’t foresee having two at once, or that they would have disabilities, so it’s much harder than I anticipated.

Obviously I have no choice but to get on with it. Some days are extremely hard. Others are great.

I would make sure your relationship is very stable because I physically couldn’t do it on my own. I don’t know how I’d cope if my marriage ended. Even better if you have family around to help you - we don’t, which is really tough.

Thanks @SinkGirl he always said he would help me out and do more than his first share if necessary, I know how much having a baby means to him so believe him about this.

I can’t image having two to look after! Like you said though once it happens you find ways to cope.

Whilst I don’t think my ME has gone, having my son significantly reduced the fatigue to the point I now consider myself to have a normal life. Now expecting DC2, no real issues. It is tiring, but no where near that all consuming, blinding fatigue from before that stopped me from living. I consider my son to be my little miracle :)

I've had ME since I was 15 (38 now) I also have some other health issues. Unfortunately for me I have had to make the decision not to have children despite desperately wanting them as I just wouldn't cope. It's very difficult and I am am very sad about it but it just isn't possible even with the best will in the world. If I was in a situation to afford ++ paid for help then maybe I would have tried but unfortunately that isn't the case. I hope things work out differently for you!

Thank you for sharing that @tangledyarn sorry you had to make that choice it’s heartbreaking when it’s something you don’t have any control over . That’s what I’ve been thinking of for ways to help, being able to get a cleaner in a couple of times a week or other help would make such a difference, that all depends on being financially able to though which is hard when not able to work.

I have ME but it started just after dc2 was born.
I can't talk about pregnancy but I know I found it really hard looking after a baby/toddler whilst struggling with ME. It made it much harder to recover from any dips and made it harder for me to stay calm and patient with my two dcs.

Yes, getting a cleaner would help massively. I’ve found it much easier now the boys go to nursery 3 mornings a week (when they’re not sick). Most of it is funded as they receive DLA and tax credits cover some of the rest. If you’re in a position to afford even one or two sessions a week it makes such difference to have a bit of a break and some sleep.