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Original poster

Have you successfully gone from one relationship, to a new one with ‘no gap’?

25 replies

Cromptoncrazy · 26/06/2019 19:57

...name changed for this.

I am in the process of splitting from a relationship that has been unhappy for several years, no sex for a very long time and living separate lives.

Potentially I could be going to a new relationship pretty quickly, under the circumstances most people who know me are pretty supportive.

One person is going against the grain and saying that I need a break, and to ‘find myself ‘. Personally I feel like I’ve spent a good few years lonely and I’m ready to live life again!

What is the right thing to do, based on the fact that I’m the older side of 40 and you only get 1 shot at life?

Posting in chat for traffic.

OP posts:
lovemylkids43 · 26/06/2019 19:58

Go for it :)

FourEyesGood · 26/06/2019 20:00

Go for it but don’t rush into co-habiting.

I left a long-term relationship to go out with someone else. That was 14 years ago and we’re still together.

Savoury99 · 26/06/2019 20:02

My Husband did and 15 years later we are still very happy. If the old relationship was dead long before then I think feelings are pretty clear

MaxNormal · 26/06/2019 20:11

I did. Was in a relationship that Had run it's course, fell in love with someone else. Moved in with them within four months, now married ten years and still think he's awesome.

Tiredmum100 · 26/06/2019 20:15

Yes, split up with my ex after 6 years, and more or less moved in with some else straight away. We have been together for 10 years now and married for 8 years.

BuntyCollocks · 26/06/2019 20:31

Yep, and I married him xxx

BuntyCollocks · 26/06/2019 20:32

Oh Christ I did x’s. I’ve been texting my husband just before this 😂 so, see - it works! 😂😂😂

TeaForTheWin · 26/06/2019 20:34

I'm with your one person. Jumping from one thing to another smacks of issues. I mean, maybe it's just a one off and that's the way it happened but...if this has happened before with you then you certainly should be taking some me-time before jumping into something else. And if it is a one off...just take it slow.

mrsm43s · 26/06/2019 20:43

Are there children involved?

It has the potential to cause a lot of hurt.

You should leave your relationship because you are unhappy not because you have better offer.

Much healthier to be single for a while before jumping into another relationship. Rebound relationships don't usually work long term, they tend to be a mask for other issues.

RubberTreePlant · 26/06/2019 20:45

Will you live alone or together? Do you have children?

CurlsandCurves · 26/06/2019 20:45

Yep, this was us.

I’d ended a 5 year relationship, he had finished a 7 year one. I had no intention of getting involved with anyone anytime soon. But then we met. A week after my ex moved out.

We went on our first date about 3 weeks later and he never really went home after that (was living with parents while the house with ex was sold).

We did talk a lot about how fast this all was, was this a good idea, this is not what you’re meant to do when you’re fresh out of a ltr. But he said I know, but it feels right, and I felt the same. Everyone around us saw it too.

Together 19 years, married for 16.

Sissy79 · 26/06/2019 20:47

My sister has never been single. Not since 14. She has overlap so lines up the new one while she’s letting go of the old one. It’s quite detrimental I think, she never sees the reality of the new relationship, only in comparison to the old one. So she never really has a sense of what she’s looking for in a man, just that she wants one completely unlike the last one.

Original poster
Cromptoncrazy · 26/06/2019 21:08

There are children which makes it more complicated, obviously they don't really understand that their father and I have been living separate lives and the relationship that they see probably seems 'normal' to them.

OP posts:
Timmytoo · 26/06/2019 21:10

Yes 3 times. Marrying the 3rd and having a baby Grin Haven't been single for a day in 16 years 😳

ghostmouse · 26/06/2019 21:30

Yes I did it last year. Fell in love with someone else whilst in an awful abusive dead end relationship that I'd been in for the last 13 years. Ended it and got with the person I fell in love with 2 months later. We took it very slow as I have kids, we don't live together and won't be for a while yet.

It can work, take it slowly and don't live together yet

Windbeneathmybingowings · 26/06/2019 22:08

My friend does this too. She’s been increasingly unhappy with each new relationship because it she sees it as more of a get out of the last one. She can’t ever be alone and would rather be in a dead relationship than on her own. She rushes it as well, take things slow and try and see if you really want this or just someone.

Pogmella · 27/06/2019 07:34

If you want your kids to accept them I’d really put the brakes on. If you are realistic that they probably never will then go for it.

In all honesty, before you met the new person did you want to leave the old relationship? It will be difficult for your kids to accept if you’ve seemed happy for a long time.

SudowoodoVoodoo · 27/06/2019 08:14

Feelings for a person developing after the decline of a LTR, good odds.

Ploughing into dating immediately after a relationship collapses, poor odds. Particularly if that person has a "fear" of being single and has never experienced a decent period of being single in adulthood.

I know some people on second marriages far happier and lasting much longer so far than the first marriage, and the relationships began quite soon after the first. One did have children involved; sticking plaster babies don't save relationships.

Damntheman · 27/06/2019 08:49

Yes I left a 3 year relationship and he left a 6 year relationship to start a new one together. We've now been married ten years, still going swimmingly! We got engaged within a month (don't recommend, that was pretty mad!), moved in together by 3 months (I emigrated to be with him), but waited 2.5 years to get married. So in total yes I did it, we've been happily together for 12.5 years.

There weren't children involved though, I think I would advise you take it slow when it comes to meeting the kids, but that's no reason why you can't dabble for yourself of an evening with this new person.

ChicCroissant · 27/06/2019 08:54

You only have to look at the press coverage Katie Price gets for doing this constantly to know it's not a good plan!

Savoury99 · 27/06/2019 09:29

ChicCroissant

You can't really compare normal people to Katie Price or say Kerry Katona.

DonutCone · 27/06/2019 09:38

It is really not fair on your children to expect them to seamlessly go from seeing their parents together to seeing you with someone else. They need time to adjust even if you don’t.

Happyspud · 27/06/2019 09:42

I’ve never needed to ‘find myself’, I’ve always known exactly who I am😅

I went straight into the relationship with my now DH from my last long term relationship. I knew he was going to be a very very important relationship for me. Regardless of where it would end up. I could never have not dated him as it was love at first sight and we were both smitten.

If you’re confident, strong and self assured, you know better than anyone what’s best for you.

Happyspud · 27/06/2019 09:44

Oh, sorry. I’d missed that there are children involved. No ‘greatest love of my life’ could make me overstep what’s best for my kids so yes, I’d leave a gap even if it was my now DH again (sorry DH!).

Birdie6 · 27/06/2019 10:16

I never needed to find myself either. I left my previous partner 15 years ago, and moved in with DH a week later. Got married 5 years after that, I've never been happier. It can be done.

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