Personal development fatigue..

[Chillijamntuna]

All my life I have been analytical and have tried many things to become more self aware/ better myself etc.
I have had CBT, psychotherapy, yoga, travelled, attended 12 step programmes, lived and worked in Buddhist communities, read loaaaads about psychology, re-assessed previous behaviours, tried to break cycles blah blah and I’m sick of it all.

I am sick of my religion and feel like I’m an atheist now, I’m sick of trying to address my issues through various mumbo jumbo hippy methods.

I look around and I think we’re all a bit messed up and I no longer have the energy to try and change myself or my feelings. I’m doing alright I reckon and I’m just going to give up.

Has anyone else just stopped judging themselves for being human!?

What issues are you trying to address?

It all sounds like very hard work, and quite dull!

I had an unhappy childhood with unhealthy adults around me so it constantly affects my relationships, happiness levels and life for the worse.
I suppose I have some kind of trauma and I still have coping methods that don’t really serve me any more but I can’t seem to change no matter what I do.

I am truly sorry for what you have been through. Religion is very personal and even within the same religion, people view things differently (e.g. the way they analyse their situations from a religious point of view- whether they are being punished for xyz/ it's a test from God/etc).

As a Muslim, based on what i believe, I see myself being tested based on the ability that the creator has given me as he knows what you are able to cope with. And that God tests those who he loves as its a way to realize that this world is superficial and a place of test. I also find this way being effective in to drawing myself closer to God by praying and following the book of guidance on how I should behave regardless of how others respond as the world is superficial in the first place and that our love for other reflect the love we have for our God's creation (although it sucks when people respond unfairly )- but then so many prophets e.g. Jesus that I believe did also strive to deliver his message and remained kind to everyone. Being a prophet and having to go through so much struggle.. some deep thoughts there 🙃

Anyway these are my points of view and believes .

I really hope you find a way to deal with your issues as having a bad childhood sets a terrible foundation to everything. All the best hun x

If you feel you're doing alright... then presumably all the effort has paid off, either by fixing your problems or by making you realise that you're actually ok.
So no reason to keep trying to change yourself.
Well done.

You don't have to believe anything. Isn't being too attached to anything (even a belief) generally considered a bad idea in Buddhism? So I'd say you're free there too!

Thank you all :)

@tobyperct That's right, my message was by no means to change anyone's belief system, just to clarify!

I suppose improvising oneself is rather a wise thing to do- Don't people do that in one way or the other? It doesn't have to correlate with a low self-esteem. I am sure you are doing great 😃

You need to be as accepting of your faults and flaws as you would be for anyone else you love.
I never really judge myself too harshly; I'm alright ish, and that's good enough.

I am in the same boat as you. I had a bad childhood which, while I have accepted, does still cause me a plethora of issues that are difficult to control. I find it so exhausting trying to be who I think people expect me to be, and I lose myself in trying to be 'right' and lose sight of the fact that I'm just not that person, that I am flawed and will never be a textbook example of a well rounded person. I feel like giving up quite often (felt like this today) however what keeps me going is when I take a step back and realise that this effort is to help me understand myself, and not to please other people.

If you want to talk to a 29 year old struggler, please do DM. One of my resolutions is to help people and I am open to discussing and soundboarding. Sending you love and luck.

@PolPotNoodle

I am so sorry you had such a bad childhood.

For some reason the topic of bad childhoods just brought to mind
Tolstoy's opening line in Anna Karenina, "All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
It seems happy families tend to function within parameters that are universally accepted as being healthy. Most well adjusted families I know relate to one another in very similar ways though each family's background may be very different.
On the otherhand, unhappy families I know are dysfunctional in many different ways due to many different causes.

@chillijamntuna
My heart goes out to you as it seems you have gone through a lot of searching to find some meaning to life but feel you've come out without the answers you were hoping to find.
You spoke of religion and bettering yourself. Years ago, in some ways, I was where you are now. Then I read a book called More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell...it was life changing! As a result I am now a Christian and am free from the seemingly constant attempts at self improvement and trying to figure out just who I am. I believe that our Creator loves us and died for us so that we might have life and have it more abundantly! If you are unfamiliar with but interested in understanding the foundational principles of Christianity, the book of John in the New Testament is a great place to start. I'm glad I came across your post and wish you well...

Julie

@PolPotNoodle
Forgot to say, you sound like an amazingly kind person!