WWYD - situation with DS and friend

[wellwhattheactualf]

I'm wondering if I'm overreacting and what next steps should be. Namechanged as this is a bit delicate.

DS(7) has a friend who is a girl of the same age. They're in the same school but different classes. They've always been close, but she has displayed some controlling behaviour - sounds awful as we're talking about a 7 year old girl. Things like getting into a massive strop because he dares to play with someone else, or doesn't talk to her for whatever reason, often with bursts of tears and lashing out at him. All is well when he does play with her though, but she is fiercely territorial. The after school club he goes to often mention yet another incident when she doesn't get her own way, and are wise to this behaviour.

I don't think she has many friends, she only came to the school in year 1 as moved into the area. My DS is a very friendly boy, quite innocent and a typical 7 yr old boy. He is a people pleaser, and so does tend to play with her rather than face the tantrums. I've tried to distance them but don't want to tell him who he can and can't play with.

So anyway, to get to the point. Today the after school club leader pulled me to one side at pick up. On the way back from school, DS and this girl were holding hands. Another boy asked why they were holding hands and she said that it was because she loved him, and then went on to explain to everyone in earshot that they had kissed on the lips, and in other places . To compound the matters, this was within earshot of the club leader and the girls father who had arrived back early and was walking with the kids as they live near the club. He didn't say anything, and neither did the club leader as she didn't want to make a thing of it.

I asked DS in a very neutral way on the way home if he and this girl had ever kissed, and he pulled a disgusted face and said no, that's disgusting - he is 7 after all. I then told him what the club leader had said, and he again said no, that's not true. I asked him directly if this girl was lying and he said yes. I believe him, I can tell when he's lying and his reaction told me volumes.

The club leader is going to call the girl's mum, but I'm concerned. I am going to speak to DS' teacher, to make sure they are aware, but am I overreacting and should I try to speak to the girl's mum? I'm worried she is being exposed to something she shouldn't, and I also want to split them up but I'm worried that my DS will think he's done something wrong, or it might cause upset.

Sorry that was so long. Has anyone else been in this sort of position before? Any advice welcome!

Sounds to me like it's a possible sexual abuse situation. The kissing and holding hands isn't the issue, it's the "other places" comment. Either her father is the abuser or he has no clue it's going on, hence the silent reaction. Speaking to her mother is an idea. But also talking to the teacher, possibly nspcc.

Raffles - that crossed my mind too - she seems overly sexual at times. Wonder if she's getting exposed to something she shouldn't.

I just worry about speaking to her mother in case there is something going on and I handle it the wrong way - could all go horribly wrong for the girl.

NSPCC is a good idea though

I would talk to the school and avoid the parents completely. If abusive parents become wise to someone else knowing they will take measures to hide it, including threatening or hurting the child further. Ask to speak to the safeguarding lead.

I don't think you should speak to the mum. The club leader will have a safeguarding process to follow. Allow them to follow it and don't try to pre-empt or circumvent it by starting other conversations with the mum or school.

Speak to the school. Don't speak to the family. It's a red flag and they should have safeguarding processes in place to escalate appropriately.

I wouldn't bother with the NSPCC - they no longer prioritise safeguarding.

DO NOT speak to the mother . Let designated safe
guarders do their job. Tell the school.

Thanks for your replies. I was thinking safeguarding lead. When the club leader told me about this I asked if she thought i should speak to the school, and she said that was a good idea. I will speak to her tomorrow again and ask what their process is for safeguarding and check again she is happy for me to speak to the school. If nothing else I want to ensure that they are not put into the same class next year as they swap around in year 3.

Definitely not going to speak to the mother. Not even sure how to start that conversation.

I feel bad for the girl but I do need to protect my son from it as well. Very tricky situation.

I really would love it if this turned out to be nothing. But you have done the right thing.