Help me know how much £ please!

[pumpernickledawnings]

SAHM, the idea was to go back to work when DD was at nursery/school full time. Unfortunately due to ongoing health issues with DD that hasn’t happened yet (she goes to school about half the week, hospital appointments on other days) but may in the future.

I’ve used my savings (I’m freelance, so saved for maternity) over the last 4 years and need to have some arrangement with DH over monthly £.

He pays mortgage, school fees, house bills, car etc. I pay day to day expenses for me and DD which includes school run travel, groups, food when we’re out, most clothes, toys etc.

We both pay for house groceries, and consumables. I’m sure I’ve forgotten things but you get the idea.

I would rather keep my bank account and DH just pay in it each month because I will get back to work sometime and that is what we’re used to (savings, mostly from DH because he’s the bigger wage earner, go into joint savings account).

What’s an average amount I’m going to need?

Just add up how much you usually spend on these things surely? How can anyone else give you a more reliable number?

I would have thought joint finances would be more logical though ...

Wouldn't you be better seeing how much you've taken out of savings so far, and use that to calculate a monthly average?

Cookit Due to hospital expenses which will be less now, and school uniform (already bought) rather than any clothes like nursery required, etc I can’t work it out!

I’m trying to estimate for a future I haven’t had yet IYSWIM!

“What do other people spend?” might have been a better way of putting it!

Ambydex it’s apples and oranges though as I paid for all the baby furniture etc that we don’t have now. The first few years were (hopefully!( more expensive than the next few.

So you are asking what the average spend is for a person who does not pay for mortgage, school fees, house bills, car etc, but does pay for day to day expenses for one adult and DD of indeterminate age, which includes school run travel, groups, food when we’re out, most clothes, toys etc, and also half of house groceries, and consumables. Plus other sundries "I’ve forgotten things but you get the idea."

That really is a very specific set of circumstances for someone to give you a figure for. Much harder, and wildly less accurate I would suggest, than you working out what you've taken out of your savings corrected for nursery fees and an estimate of school uniform.

I pay day to day expenses for me and DD which includes school run travel, groups, food when we’re out, most clothes, toys etc
School run travel - do you have a bus pass? Work out with hospital too if it's cheaper if you don't already. Get it to come direct from his bank. At least get one of those cards that auto tops up if you get to £10 and then is just pay as you go. DD from his bank.
Groups - if they're payable online get DH to pay it directly. If more informal / ad hoc you'll have to work out what you're spending now. Take an average, same as for food out and about, and add a tenner. It'll even out over the weeks.

Toys and clothes - again, what do you spend atm? Is it stuff she needs or stuff you buy cos she's medically complex and sometimes it sucks and she deserves extra? I have one of those... If so I'd curb it a bit and set yourself a budget. I get magazines and treats from his CB, plus bits of clothes here and there.

If she needs birthday / Christmas presents / new uniform / you're going next size up shopping could you just take his card?

Then add a tenner a week if money is OK / less of tighter so you have some freedomto grab a coffee when she's in school / get yourself clothes etc

Sorry I'm being snippy, I'll back off. Hopefully others will be able to help.

Going back over how much you typically spend is still what you need to do as lifestyles will be different from family to family.

What activities will you be doing and what is the monthly cost of each of these?
What do you typically top up the car a week and multiply by 4.5
What was your latest online shop?
Do you top up shopping in the week or buy the odd coffee? Add £25 or so.
Clothes for you and your child - whatever you think is reasonable. Some people will just be in Primark and others will be shopping weekly from net-a-porter and you will best know your costs etc

SleepingStandingUp

Thank you. Money is ok, just don’t want to set up a standing order and then change it if we don’t have to!

With the summer holidays coming up it will be different again anyway 😩

But yes agree with PP just get your DH to pay for things he can going forward and you’ll just need a smaller amount equivalent roughly to the amount of cash you need day to day.

Will he not merge finances for a while?

Why not just get a credit card and spend on that then pay the it off with joint account when the bill comes? That's what we do precisely because it's complicated and the lines between personal and family expenditure are 🤷🏻‍♀️. Keep a small amount of money in your personal bank account so it's still open and active.

Is there a particular reason you treat your money as separate rather than all earnings as family money that you both have access to no questions asked??

Or direct debit everything you can, take out a set amount into savings, and split what's left in two

Teateaandmoretea

Genius! Thank you!

PolarBearBubbles Just habit really because we both used to have our own companies and did our own books, spent our own money. We had, still have, a joint savings account and paid in whatever was left over etc. Then DH went to work for another company so had the more stable income so things changed, mortgage, insurance etc came out of his, and I was happy with my own company income for everything I paid for.

My income is not fixed. I don’t want to start joint everything because I will have less incentive to get my business up and running and paying for itself and me again! I need to do something for me when I can!

I don’t know if it makes sense but hats how I feel.