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Can anyone help explain this woman's behaviour?

16 replies

Whythis · 26/06/2019 13:21

There is a woman who is the mother of one of dc's friends, who acts in a way I have never known- and Im hoping someone here might provide insight as to why she is the way she is.

Ive been civilised to her for the past few years for the sake of the dc, always felt uncomfortable and uptight around her.

However recently she has crossed the borders of simple rudeness. I wanted my dc to go to a certain secondary school in our village, and she spent two years telling me how awful it was. Then she decided to "secretly" (yes she didn't want me to know which was ridiculous , her dc told me when I asked her about it she said he dc wasn't meant to say anything!) put her dc in the exact same school we had picked years ago, despite lots of other choice.

When both of them got to the new secondary school, I noticed a pattern. My dc would make friends with someone, then this woman would invite the new friend over to hers house for sleepovers etc while excluding my dc and stopped inviting her to anything at all . This happened with 2-3 friends times and my dc got very upset .I encouraged dc to make sure her friend wasn't been left out as I know they both wanted to spread their wings a bit, but its a very tiny school so its a good idea to get on well and nobody wants to think of any child being left out.

I decided to speak to this woman on the phone, thinking maybe she hadn't realised my dc felt led out, but she was absolutely vile and said rather proudly- and coldly- her dc no longer wanted to be friends with mine and "to get over it" and hung up on me- they'd been good friends for years by this point and my dc was heartbroken.

The next day her dc said it wasn't true she didn't want to be friends, and no idea why her mum said that...

Why is would anyone act like this? I find is very odd if she was so determined for the friendship to end, that she would follow us to the school and has tried to interfere with all dc friendships, it feels so cruel if Im honest.

I have known several people, all unconnected, who normally don't have issues with anyone, but have also said privately they cannot stand this woman as she is cold and rude to them and makes them feel inferior.She seems to ignore anyone without some sort of status or excessive wealth, (despite not being hugely wealthy and I have no idea what her background is).

Yesterday she blocked dh in on the school run and normally she ignores him- but she looked to pleased she apparently had a smug, odd smile and kept staring at him which made wonder if she actually gets pleasure from being unpleasant? Why is she like this? My dc is still friends with her dc- and our younger dc are the same school too so we can't get away from her, but want to figure out why she is like this. Theres other things she's done, but Ive tried to not turn into in essay.

Has she just got a terrible personality, has some sort of self esteem or actually unwell mentally? Thank you

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 26/06/2019 13:23

Some people are just plain nasty.

Ignore. Obviously others have the measure of her.

SittingAround1 · 26/06/2019 13:26

I had a flatmate at uni a bit like this but it was more subtle. No insight into why someone is like this-maybe she is a psychopath (there's a certain % of the population who are).
I feel sorry for her DC, hopefully she's not horrible and manipulative to them behind closed doors.

SkintAsASkintThing · 26/06/2019 13:27

She does sound like she could be having some sort of MH issue. Particularly if this is out of character.

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GreenGrowTheRushesOhh · 26/06/2019 13:32

Some people are just plain nasty.

I’ve encountered this now and again. One woman I know vaguely seems to take pleasure in giving me an extremely sarcastic “Hello, how are you?” with a knowing look. What she’s meant to be knowing is lost on me. I know I’m meant to have done something wrong but I can’t be doing with passive aggressive bullshit.

In your position I’d probably explain to my daughter that there’s no understanding or pleasing some people and it usually has more to do with them than it does with you. It’s a good lesson in how not to behave, if nothing else.

BlueMerchant · 26/06/2019 13:34

Sounds like she's jealous. She wants to make your life shit and is being awkward and using the DC to score points.
She wants you and DC to be unhappy because she sees you both as better than her and her DC so she's trying to sabotage your lives.
She must be really unhappy and feel inferior.

PeePooAndPaperOnly · 26/06/2019 13:36

She sounds awful, treating your child like that
I feel so sorry for her daughter too.
I think you have to accept that you can't reason with some people

JamdaniSari · 26/06/2019 13:57

What an awful woman!
You have to be lowest of the low to take it out on a child!

BurnedToast · 26/06/2019 14:14

She just sounds like a nasty piece of work. She clearly got pleasure out of upsetting you so just don't let her know she's done so again.

I know someone who likes manipulating friendships and inviting some kids, but not others. It's best to ignore as much as you can.

rollingpine · 26/06/2019 14:19

She's a cow. Simples.

Imnotaslimjim · 26/06/2019 14:30

Her name doesn't begin with R does it? There is a woman at my DCs school just like that. She moved house and told anyone who would listen that it was because I'd slept with her DH. Which is weird as I'm in a same sex relationship 😂😂 she's also raising her son to be a bully especially to DC with extra needs Sad

Happyspud · 26/06/2019 14:34

She sounds dangerous. I think your best bet is to try not feed the beast.

Isatis · 26/06/2019 14:45

Has there been any indication from her DC how she is around them? For most children of that age, having a mother who seems intent on sabotaging their friendships in this way would be really upsetting, and you have to wonder what is going on when they're at home.

Flower64 · 26/06/2019 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluerussian · 26/06/2019 15:10

With friends like that, who needs enemies (I know she hasn't been your friend).

Ignore here and let things happen day to day. Everything will eventually fall into place.

The woman certainly sounds strange, irrational and nasty. I wonder what is going on there, she must have problems - that's not your problem.

All the best to you and your daughter

Whythis · 26/06/2019 20:10

Thank you everyone. I try not to give her too much headspace but our paths cross so much at the moment.
@Imnotaslimjim no it's a different initial- what a weird individual that lady sounds too!
@Isatis all she's ever said is when she went to their house in the past that the woman barley said a word to anyone, but she was shocked at what a rage her friend would sometimes get in with this woman

OP posts:
IhaveALooBrush · 26/06/2019 20:20

She does it because she's a bitch with some weird kind of superiority complex.
Avoid and ignore her as much as you can.

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