Help me stop feeling stupid when I'm at the gym

[opalescent]

I am 36 and have battled with this since childhood.

I have never fit into the mould of classically sporty- was a bit crap at anything that involved balance/aim/ physical skills at school. Hated PE because I felt self conscious. Don't have natural rhythm (so even dancing in public makes me feel super anxious!).

I actively avoid anything competitive, even silly family ball games in the summer, because they have the same feeling of dread for me, that takes me straight back to being at school and not getting picked!

I would absolutely love to get properly involved in a fitness activity, and have definitely tried to overcome this lots of times in adulthood, lost count of the times that I've joined a gym, tried a class (and not gone back), and started couch to 5k.

The bottom line is, whatever I try, I always have an internal voice telling me that I look stupid and don't belong in that setting.

It's driving me nuts! Please help me get past it with some advice or suggestions

Much appreciated

Just go! Nobody is looking at you or cares. I started in January at 59...like you, not sporty at all and avoided all team games. I love going.....lots of folk to chat to if you want.
Take headphones. Book a trainer for a few weeks.

If you go into the gym, go with a plan. So many reps on this, so many minutes on that. Headphones in and get on with it. If it’s a class choose a less intense one to start with, perhaps with slightly older participants? To get your confidence up. Finally look at some team sports-there is even such a thing as ‘walking netball’! They are likely to make more effort with new starters and might be friendlier! Obviously no one is really looking at you but distraction is key so you don’t even have that anxiety. Good luck!

Definitely have a plan. Maybe ask for a trainer to talk you through things? That might make you feel less self conscious, and they can give you a training plan as well. Remember that no-one really cares what you're doing, they're far too caught up in what they're doing. Also, they've all been through the horror of starting so they know how you feel!

I'm horribly uncoordinated and unsporty. I was always the last to be picked for teams in school and as an adult have been terrified of anything physical as a result. Plus I weigh 17.5 stone, so I stand out quite a bit at the gym. But I took up weight lifting a few weeks ago, and I absolutely adore it. I don't need to be quick or agile, just stubborn : ) And I feel fantastic afterwards, like I could do anything. Plus it's not a class, so I don't have to keep up with anyone. Maybe you could give that a try?

Have a couple of sessions with a trainer. They’ll show you the correct stance, posture and technique for things and give you a bit of confidence. Then, just concentrate on you. You will look no more or less stupid than anyone else there and honestly most of the attendees will be too busy worrying about their own red faces and wobbly bits to pay any attention to you.

When I started lifting weights I had a PT for several months: one of the best things about visiting a gym without him was looking around and seeing all the supposedly super fit guys (mostly) who were all there to pose and try to look good prancing about the place. Their lifting technique was invariably all wrong and they were so concerned about their image that they just looked like idiots. They’re the people who look stupid - not the ordinary people who are there to focus and do their own thing and concentrate on their workout.

Thank you so much all for responding.

I think a PT is a great idea, and will look into this just to get me started. I definitely think that having a plan is a great idea. I think it's probably a 'fake it till you make it' situation!

I felt just the same way - ridiculous, not sporty, etc. I joined a gym where they do exclusively HIIT classes. They’re adaptable to any level so everyone just works at their own pace, but only half an hour so it’s not a huge time commitment and there isn’t time to worry about what anyone else might be thinking.
You do eventually just have to tell that voice to fuck off (internally!) and out stubborn it until you get into the habit of going.

Just go and watch the other people there for a while. You'll quickly see how different everyone is and that everyone has different ideas in mind for what they're aiming for.

Personally, I absolutely detest anything remotely 'social' about exercise. I'm very much headphones on, head down and get on with it. Don't feel like you HAVE to do classes if you hate them.

Same goes for any other activity. Exercise only started being fun for me when I stopped paying attention to all the advice of what I should do and just started doing what I enjoy. Yes, I might not be able to do xyz but I'm actually exercising regularly by doing what I want to do, instead of doing one lot of 30 day shred and giving up cos I hate it.

No one looks great in the gym its all sweaty bodies and pulling funny faces. But then no one is really paying attention to anyone else either, everyone is focused on themselves.

What about trying something where everyone looks equally stupid? Like boogie bounce (on little trampolines) or aqua aerobics where everyone is slow because of the water.

I like my bootcamp class. Everyone is knackered and spends the 45 mins either nearly dying during exercises or complaining to each other about it during the breaks.

I saw a clearly obese person in the gym today whilst I was on the treadmill with a personal trainer. My first honest thought was good for them.

I'm not exactly skinny either and I get it. Grab some headphones, play some music and focus on yourself.

Ooh ooh - this was me - was very uncoordinated as a child (squint and glasses then mean PE teacher as a child so had trouble catching balls).

Find something you really enjoy - doesn't have to be a gym. I did find years ago when about 18 that I enjoyed aerobics and step classes but did this through a neighbour of my mum's who was very friendly and patient. The right instructor can make the world of good - friendly and patient as opposed to a hard task master!

I also found I enjoyed salsa and latin american dancing classes but went with a friend who was a good dancer.

Gyms are not for everyone!

If there's a team at work or locally - e.g. softball/netball/volleyball then sign up if it interests you. I find teams or a gym/exercise buddy really helps me.