SHE JUST DONT FUCKING SLEEP!

[wheresshegone]

Hi

I'm at my limit. So bare with me and sorry if this is a bit rambly.

DD is 16mo. She slept like an angel in her cot from birth until about 8 months old. She has always woken for milk but gone back in her cot no problem and slept quite nicely.

Then in October last year she got terrible terrible sickness and diarrhoea bug that lasted 2 weeks and it was just awful. I was scared to death she'd choke on her sick in the night and I wouldn't hear her so she began sleeping slightly elevated in her pram.

Then when the bug was over we couldn't get her out of her pram at bedtime 😫 and so she slept in that for MONTHS.

We managed to get her to sleep in our bed (my theory that she was laying flat so at least the next transition to her cot wouldn't be too much of a nightmare)

Well now she just won't bloody get out!!! She plays with my hair for comfort so won't settle for her dad or anyone else really she's a proper mummy's girl.

But it means she's waking up and STILL having 3 9oz bottles of milk a night. But all in dribs and drabs. It's driving me crazy. She also stirs about every 30 mins for a cuddle/dummy/ bottle but only with me. She does this allllllll evening long until i join her in bed.

She has CMPA and was on formula until a few weeks ago where we switched to almond milk unsweetened. We've tried only
Offering water, watering the milk down. Shell still drink the milk not bothered about it being mostly water.

I did try cry it out once last year but I was in such a bad place myself I spent the first 10 mins uncontrollably sobbing and couldn't carry on. I felt like the worlds worst mum. I understand why people do it and I'm all for it. Wish I had the big girl pants to actually do it and carry it out

It's a teeeeeeny 2 bed flat so I don't need a monitor. And there's a big tall bed guard so I'm not worried about her falling out.

SO. My question is. How the FUCK do I get her to sleep ALL night in her OWN cot? 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫 I'm
Exhausted and losing my patience and my marbles.

My two didn't sleep till they turned 2. And they were 18 months apart, so we had a solid 3.5 years of not sleeping. I used to find tears running down my face in work from the tiredness, it was hell. I sympathise!

Could your DH handle it if you stayed with your mum for a few nights?

Firstly, you have my sympathies. Lack of sleep is awful.
I’m afraid I’m another one suggesting you go cold turkey. Yes it will be tough. And heart wrenching, but it did work for us.
My son used to wake every 45 minutes without fail. I tried everything. From shush and pat method to ‘extinction’, which was far too harsh. The only thing that improved our situation was withdrawing all milk, offering water only (which enraged him), saying it’s ok (nothing else) and walking out of the room. It was hell. I didn’t ignore him, I would go in, not engage, offer water, say it’s ok and then straight out again.
It took 5 days of consistently applying that approach, but by day 6 there was a slight improvement and by the end of 2 weeks he was sleeping 7.30pm to 5am. In his own bed. No waking. Trust me when I say this was a massive improvement. He’s 19 months. And even though he’s still an early riser I feel 100 times better from getting that uninterrupted sleep.

Oh my god. There is such a thing as a sleep trainer. Off to google. I'm so excited.

I know for a fact I've not got the guts to do cry it out. It's making me get a belly ache jus thinking about it 😫. Going to only offer water tonight and see how that goes. My aim is to get her sleeping through then move to her cot i think?

I had a rubbish sleeper 1 year old too so you have every sympathy! I was too exhausted to see through a full on programme of change so just did things gradually.

Maybe reduce milk first - reduce to one bottle a night and only offer water once that's gone? then gradually reduce the milk in the one bottle? It's also worth explaining what you're doing as she may understand a fair bit (and it makes you feel better!).

It sounds like she has bad association/memories of the cot so maybe think about a floor bed (you can get really cute ones like this if you want to make it something new and appealing: www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/AXHO5DksuAkUG2K5Kex4XkJa78e2ondcjoSl1FVdNTFzQClK9LAyxew/ or you can just pop a mattress on the floor). Or you could use a single bed with bed guard - that's what I did with DS aged 16 months, in the hopes of improving his sleep. It sounds like she associates the cot with bad things now! It didn't work for DS but got him into his own bed - at first I'd get in with him when he cried and sleep the rest of the night there but that hpappened less and less.

The no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley also has some good techniques and is from 0-2.

The other thing I forgot to mention in my post is - have you tried a dummy instead of a bottle? My two slept through happily from 8 weeks, and if they woke they just popped their dummy back in themselves and sucked themselves back to sleep.
We stopped using dummies around the 2 year mark - it wasn’t a huge trauma, they accepted that they were for babies and they were getting to be important “big girls”!

My eldest used to fall asleep on my knee with bottle every night because he hated going in his cot so when he was about 18m I moved him into a single bed (mattress on floor to start) and we would have bath then bed with a story and I would lie next to him until he fell asleep. I eventually managed to move further and further away until he would self settle! He is also a hair twiddler but I've managed to stop him from doing that also as my hair was all broken mess.
My youngest was the up all night looking for boob monster and I would say again you need to find a really good bedtime routine. So for us he has a bottle downstairs then bath, story, bed. If he woke through the night just offered water which eventually he stopped waking for and then milk in the morning when he gets up! Routine is definetly key, you will have to be strong and consistent!

Take the health visitor to the vets after you've force fed her the booklet!
Do you know what, on so little sleep, that could actually happen.

I'd talk to the GP rather than the HV for the referral. This stuff breaks us. It really does. I couldn't do cold turkey. Mine were the toddlers who'd scream until sick and blue in the face... two, maybe three hours of screaming alone in the cot? Absolutely up for it! I tried cold turkey and in my own case, it made things worse. But it's always worth trying. Your LO may just exhaust herself. It may work for you guys! But your DD is very attached to you and cold turkey could actually give her a lot of anxiety (which can leave a lasting mark). So if you try, just be aware that it may really not be right for your own DD.

I know this isn't what you want to hear but your little girl sounds sooo adorable. She just loves you to the moon and back!

I'll tell you what did save my soul a bit, when I moved DS into a bunk bed with his sister. So she is up top, he's on the bottom. And a few years back, when I moved him from cot to bed, he didn't suddenly sleep much better, but I was able to co-sleep with him and that totally helped him to sleep for longer stretches. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but I got longer stretches of sleep and so did he. And those stretches grew longer and longer. I couldn't believe it when he started sleeping through the night. And then I was able to return to my own bed, maybe getting a 3am call from his room, where I'd go in and lay down next to him until he settled again and I'd sleep there for the rest of the night. Then the calls for me got less and less. And I found I was no longer leaving my bed to sleep in his. It was a gradual thing... a letting go, which got easier as he grew more independent. My 2 clingiest non sleepers are the most independent, explorative people now. It's funny, but my good sleeper who was such an independent baby and toddler has grown into a clingy, nearly ten year old! So sometimes, the hardest babies end up being the most easy-going, chilled out people. I think security is everything at this age. I think that sometimes, setting strong boundaries and forcing separation is more traumatic than good. They're not clingy forever. It is hard when they are though. But they do outgrow it.
DH still asks me every morning, "Did you get any sleep last night? Were you up and down in the night with him?"
I mean, we're way way way past that place but clearly, there's unresolved trauma.
I think when the kids have all left home he'll still be asking me the same question. But that's also another thread (the DH who never picked up the slack. Don't get me started!).

Hugs OP! Big, sympathy, it'll-get-better hugs!

In short, mattress on the floor, the two of you sound asleep with your hair still wrapped around her little finger. Boom. Job done.
You've gotta do what you've gotta do to survive.

@TheVanguardSix that sounds like the best option.

What lovely comments. Thank you. Made me smile and feel a bit better about it all.

I was toooo exhausted from the night before to even start last night.

But yesterday afternoon and this morning I've let her play in her cot with toys she wouldn't normally go to. And she happily played in there so I left her in there playing for 10 min whilst I finished my coffee. So that's one thing. I might let her keep playing in there every day. Whilst sleeping in our bed at night. And completely go cold turkey with the milk. Then once she's off milk put her in her cot. But sleep on the floor next to her for the first few nights. We've got a folding guest bed thing which is actually really comfy.

I feel much better now I've actually got a plan that doesn't involve leaving my baby to cry. Breaks my heart to think about her screaming lol.

Thank you every one for your support and suggestions. Feel a lot stronger about it all now xxx

Right guys everyone wish me luck! Tonight's the night no more milk. She's woke up twice for a bottle and only been given water which she is not happy about

Good luck!

Good luck! You got this!

Good luck! Have you tried moving her cot in her room to a different spot or a toddler bed with bed guard? It may be bad memories of the sick bug that shes associating with the cot?

Good luck. Been there I know it’s awful.

All the suggestions are great. Decide which you can survive because all of them will be torture when you hear her screaming.

And then go for it. Do not cave in!

We did modified cry it out, so went in to comfort at increasing intervals. I also cried so be prepared and put some headphones in music high. Three nights and it’s done.

Good luck!