Last visit with my niece.. adoption

[imnotcooking]

Have wrote about my lovely niece before however it has just been sprung on us that she is now being adopted. Thursday is our last visit with her.

Me and my mum normally have separate visits from my nieces mum as she has attacked me before and I had to call the police on her.

They have said this meeting will be all of us together or I can go at 2 and leave at 3 before her mum gets there. Or do I just ignore the mum and stay?

The thought of my niece having to say goodbye twice makes me sad but then her mum is awful and don't really want to be stuck in a small room with her.

[HebeMumsnet]

for you, OP. This sounds like a tough meeting.

How long would you have with your niece if you went at the same time as her mother? If it would be significantly longer than an hour I'd go and try to make things as smooth as possible, ignore any trouble. It sounds unlikely she would attack you again or anything like that but if you're concerned could you speak to staff there beforehand?

Perhaps think about whether one hour but alone with your niece might give you more quality time though. If it's an hour alone or two hours with someone you find difficult to be around, I might go for the former.

Anyone else got any experience of a situation like this that can advise the OP?

[RubberTreePlant]

If there's any risk of conflict or bad atmosphere, separate is probably best.

So sorry you're going through this

[Ted27]

Hi, I'm an adoptive mum, I think if there is any potential for conflict then keep it separate, because that is what your niece will remember. It dosent matter which of the adults is right or wrong, she will remember that you fought or ignored each other, not who started it. You absolutely do not want any risk of police being involved because that will just traumatise her. Far better to have a shorter time and leave her with a positive memory.

[vasillisa]

OP

Is there anything you are allowed to give her as a keepsake, like photo album or something she can keep as she grows up. I imagine it can be really important to know there were people in your birth family who genuinely cared about you (even if mum not a good 'un). I agree with posters that a short, calm time sounds like the best option for the child in this scenario.

Hugs to you. Although terribly upsetting to say goodbye, at least you know she'll be safe and hopefully have a really loving and happy home with her adoptive family. I'm guessing you can't stay in touch via SS? Not my area of expertise so I don't know how these things work.

[vasillisa]

Good luck OP.

Let us know how you go on.

[imnotcooking]

Today's the day so sad can't believe this will be the last time I will see her. I have bought a locket and put photos of me and her and my DC's in. Thinking of writing her a letter but don't have a clue what to write.

[IAmRubbishAtDIY]

How old is she? Can you still write to her in the future?

[imnotcooking]

She is 7 yes we are allowed letterbox.

[vasillisa]

Hope it went OK (as well as it could given sad circs). Letters in future - things like happy memories, what your DC are up to, things you miss about her company/character?

Maybe also write down her favourite games/books/food - and any wider family similarities ('you have curly hair and love sewing just like your great gran did, and your laugh and determination are just like auntie Ruth's') not for now, but maybe she will want to know later to see how she fitted within her wider birth family? I guess when you are adopted it feels like there are lots of bits of your puzzle that are missing. You can keep some pieces of memory for her in case she needs them one day.

You sound really lovely OP and I think you will play an important part for her as a kind of touchstone. Love can reach people even if you are not in physical contact. Your letters, memories and love will be able to travel with her.