What are your conversation tips for a socially inept person

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I'm crap at small talk. And at initiating a conversation (at a party, wedding or conference for example). My mind just goes completely blank and I can't think of a single thing to say. And in the event of a conversation with a vaguely known/new person actually going well, I spend a good portion of it panicking about how I will gracefully end the conversation (because I'm crap at that too!)

I was supposed to be good at this by my age. I kinda thought once I got to a certain age I would just somehow know how to converse effortlessly, and that just hasn't happened (funnily enough!). Seems I might need to actually work on it.

There must be loads of you out there who are naturals at it, or even better, have learned how to. So, please give me your best tips on questions, topics, responses, openers, closers. Anything really that will help me improve my conversation skills.

People like to feel that others are comfortable in their presence. So I will just try to be comfortable and relaxed. Like a pp said, a bit of silence is fine, sometimes even better than questions if you can pull off being confident about it.

I just concentrate on making the other person feel like they are good company by acting really relaxed myself.

@blahblah88 Go up to random people and introduce yourself But how???? What's your opening gambit? Do you catch their eye? Or just walk up and say, 'hello, I'm blahblah88'? Then what? Do you have one of your questions ready like 'how do you know the host?'

@Iggly And accept that there are moments of awkward. That’s normal.

Thanks Iggly. I really just needed to hear that. My expectations are probably way too high.

@Hastags you make it all sound so easy and natural. I love meeting people like you who just chatter away and put people at their ease.

@Ohallright

If they have children, ask about them, then say how wonderful they are? There is not a parent alive who does not like compliments about their children.

True dat! My dad always said anyone who like his children went up about ten notches in his estimation!

@fatfluffycushion great list. I need to print this out and keep it somewhere!

@ifeellikeanidiot good point on state of mind. I do notice if I relax and enjoy myself I have much better conversations (and a much better time).

I ask people questions about themselves, if they have a charm bracket on for example I compliment it and they thwn often show it to you clearer and I ask if the charms have meaning. Or I compliment a tattoo and often conversation starts about it. After that convo flows easier

I manage quite well once I start chatting, but I'm terrified of the bit when you enter a room and don't know anyone and don't know where/ how to start!

So if you're attending a work event/ alumni event where you literally don't know anyone, and there are clusters of people already talking or singles standing to the side drinking water or whatever, what do you do?

I suppose you pick a person and just walk up and say 'Hi, how are you I'm x' to start, are there any tips to make this easier?

My problem is that I hate talking about myself!! I once remember being asked how my weekend was (by a university classmate) and all I could (truthfully) say was that I hadn’t done much. I remember feeling like the most boring person in the world.
I also feel like I’m crap at taking compliments. I hate having attention drawn to me in that kind of way. I understand that that’s my problem though and no-one else’s; I have self-esteem ishoos.

@Featherstep

Go up to a group, lurk on the edge to see what they're talking about, then if you can start by agreeing with someone of a short 'me too' contribution.

For singles - topical opening or if they're near the buffet make a comment about the food

*or, not of

If I'm really stuck, I just rabbit on about my latest family drama. People love giving sympathy and advice, and feeling like their life isn't so bad!! It makes me feel better too!!
Failing that, I ask them if they've seen the 3 blackheads in the ear video

First of all be a good listener. Then reply if you got the gist of the talk but otherwise be honest and say , I am not sure about that! Or that’s interesting. From many years experience in foreign countries I found people usually react well if you are interested in them. Read the newspapers and choose an item you can understand or it may surprise you. Then ask if the person you are talking to has seen that bit of news. I know it takes a bit of time but very soon you will be enjoying good company and never be afraid to say I have never heard of it,,, please tell me.

remember, if you are silent be interested in the conversation. It makes you look as if you are just observing. Above all enjoy the occasion.