I hate being a SAHP - I never wanted to be one and my children are shit heads

[RobotNews]

They aren’t of course not all the time anyway but my god are they hard work sometimes.

Aged 2 and 3 - today the older one winged in the car to soft play that he hated it and wanted to go somewhere else. The younger one spent the whole time we were there trying to escape or make his way behind the counter at the cafe. Tantrums from both.

My back really fucking hurts from having to manhandle them (eg picking up dc2 and replanting them away from the cafe).

I fantasise about when I was working and had lunch breaks, didn’t get shouted at, spat at, poo’d on and got to sit down and unwind for a hour uninterrupted when I got home.

Younger dc had his 2 year check and is apparently overweight and has underdeveloped communication skills.

Older dc is unable to do anything by themselves and is so bloody wilful.

I feel like I’m shit at this job and wish I could hand in my resignation! I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing most of the time and I’m just making it up as I go along.

Tbh OP we're all just making it up as we go along...looking back those were the best days of my life. My teens are boring, moan incessantly and nothing makes them happy. Enjoy them while they still want to spend time with you!

If your 2 yo is struggling with speech teach them a few signs. Noticed a massive reduction in toddler tantrums with my younger dc than the older ones who didn't know any! Very easy to do!

I put mine in day nursery and went back to work. I had my MH to consider! Admittedly, they were five years apart so it wasn't too expensive!

Start looking for jobs that would allow you to use nursery.

I hear you OP. It terrifies me that these might be the best days of my life. My dc are unbelievably cute and amazing but I'm exhausted, don't have any time for myself or alone with my dh and I feel like I'm losing brain cells every day through not getting enough rest. How can this be the best time- there's no balance. I know when I start having time to relax they won't be so small and won't think me dancing with them is brilliant though. Feel a bit like I won't get the hang of parenting and enjoy it all properly until I have life balance sorted and then they'll be older and I'll spend the rest of my life missing the toddler version of them. I really don't want this to happen though, I'm hoping it all gets better and this isn't the peak where I'm too shattered to appreciate it.

Parenting can be repetitive and boring, and it tests your patience endlessly. You're not a shit mum for saying it's hard.

Is there no way you can go back to work? I am a much better mum when I'm working & appreciate the time with my DC more.

Is the eldest at nursery at all?

You're not shit at it. It sounds like your younger dc has some extra challenges. This is the time to speak to a GP, HV or even your older child's pre-school (I guess they've started?) they may know of local support for you.

If they aren't enjoying soft play then don't go to soft play. Why make everyone fed up?
If you can't go back to work yet (because of childcare needs) you need to have one day or evening that is just about YOU. Even if that does just consist of you going to your nearest Costa Coffee and reading a magazine.

I went back to work to escape this, but I do have one useful tip - if you are doing stuff for their enjoyment and they are just whinging, then stop. Make them do what you want instead - they're whining anyway, so what have you got to lose?

DS got much more appreciative of soft play when he realised the alternative was entertaining himself while I watched 30 Rock for 2 hours with my childfree friends.

@singlenotsingle that’s the dream my MH has definitely suffered but don’t have the finances to go back to work.

Any idea where I could find some resources on signing? Be good to give that a try with dc2.

Dc 1 hates being outside and dc2 hates being inside - I spend the whole day flitting between the two at home or dealing with tantrums from one or the other or both when out.

It’s the having to do it all on my own most of the time that really gets me - before dc2 me and DH both worked part time and it worked so well. I miss that balance!

@Tawdrylocalbrouhaha yes I will do that - sometimes I wonder why I’m bothering they can be such dicks sometimes

I remember back to when my DC were 2&3. Well, tbh I think my brain has now blocked quite a bit of it out but I do know life was horrendous at times! My MH was at an all time low and I put my two in nursery while I spent time sitting on my sofa in a daze ( I had left work at this point due to anxiety issues). Ask for some help.

Oh dear. I do remember those days and the relentlessness of the days are used to count the minutes till my husband got home. What worked for me was seeing other parents with kids the same age as they are my best days days where we had to stay in all day were awful.

Hand on heart now my children are 11 and 13 I wouldn’t go back to toddler years for all the money they’ve spent on Brexit. (But maybe I would ha ha). but seriously once They have gone to school life gets so much easier, so remember that I know it feels like it will never end right now, xx

Do you go to play groups where you can mix with other mums? I wouldn't spend money on soft play - I'd rather talk to other women while the kids play.

Parenting often feels like a thankless task, especially when the are under four.
In my experience, once mine got to about six and we could chat and laugh properly, life improved significantly for all of us and my brain began to work properly again.
You are allowed to not live every single moment of parenting and it's not sinful or bad to say that! Us parents need to booster others as it's s tough gig!

Do you have a garden, can you set up something for one in the garden and something inside for the other and find yourself a comfy seat to watch them both?

I can barely remember when my 2 were that age - I think my brain has blocked it out!! And went back to work PT as would have lost the plot otherwise! Hang on in there!

Can you not go back to both you and OH working part time? I too found the toddler years draining - physically, mentally and really boring cycles of making food, picking things up, cleaning, and endless mess. Oh blimey that brings it all back. Mine are at school now and can get thier own food and drink, brush thier own teeth, and its suits me soooooooooooo much better. I honestly do think that I would have gone round the bend had I not worked as well - so we also both worked part-time.

I hear you too OP!
Mine are 4 and 19mths and fight constantly. I can not wait for the 4yo to start school in September. My youngest will start nursery in Jan. Being at home with them full time is exhausting. I’m chief referee. I’m the cleaner, the chef, the laundry maid, the doctor, the dentist, the hairdresser ... oh the list is endless.
I take them to a play group. They want to do different things. They fight each other over toys. One wants a snack, the other doesn’t. And they both hate the singing at the end! I persevere with it though because it gets us out of the house.
Do I have any advice? Only that you are not alone. The way you feel is ok. Try to learn coping strategies. I used to be dead against u tube, but now I let me 4yo watch it on occasion while the youngest sleeps to get a break. That sort of thing.
If you are at the point where you feel like your MH is suffering, start on a plan to either get back to work, or get help with the kids during the day.
Now I am on the countdown to my youngest starting nursery I feel so much more positive.

@Millie2018 I hear you! Bloody exhausting isn’t it!? Most of my mum friends have gone back to work but my Friday playgroup keeps me sane - I go for me rather than for them!

They’ll both be going to nursery from September (no school for another year) and I’m counting down the days

Yy to the cycles of cleaning, nappies, meals, snacks, clearing up etc - it’s like bloody Groundhog Day!

There's another thread running similar to this one Robot so you are definitely not alone.

I have 3 dcs aging from teen down to toddler and I can honestly say that I don't have a favourite child but I have a favourite age group - the eldest i.e. year 5 plus.

The responsibility of taking care of a toddler who needs watching all day every day feels overwhelming, I crave me time and until toddler naps I get zero. I hand over to dh a lot in the evenings, fortunately my dh understands how ongoing it is to be a sahp and I have no extended family/other support but I cannot bring myself to put my little dd in nursery. To say that I am looking forward to little dc going off to pre-school in 18 months is an understatement and I feel guilty about that but the way I have come to look at it is that nothing else is going to change in those 18 months, except the way I view things (and this feels really hard to get my head around) when what I want to do is moan about how hard it is most days. I feel envious of others who have more time on their hands and the old line well you chose to have 3 dc or time flies really quickly so make the most of it gets trotted out. Most of it I find a drudge...the mess, the lack of mental stimulation, constantly changing nappies/making food. There are funny bits too but these seem few and far between in comparison and I would definitely enjoy it more if I weren't a full-time sahp.
Sorry nothing inspiring to add, just that you are not alone.

I hear you OP. I have 3 kids (9, 7 and 3) and have been a sahm for 7 years. I feel like I've been in a constant loop of toddler hood.

Even though the older 2 look after themselves more, they still argue and wind eachother up. My 3 year old is so bloody headstrong she is utterly relentless.

Roll on September when the youngest starts nursery! I can start to claw back some of my life, sanity and patience!

Good to know it’s not just me no chance of DH and I both going part time unfortunately- he has a new but totally inflexible job which will pay more than both of us combined previously. He’s just not earning enough just yet for us to afford preschool for both dc.

Oh, and dc2 has turned poo-smearer this week. Keeps putting their hands down their nappy and wiping the contents on my clothes if I’m not quick enough to catch him