Proposal!

[BeneathTheStarrySkies]

OH and I have ordered an engagement ring in a slightly unconventional method to most - we already have joint finances, a home together, DC’s together etc, so we’re each paying the monthly payments of the ring I fell in love with, as it’s a heftier price tag than I ever dreamed we’d be able to afford (thank you incredibly cheap finance options for making it doable to us, lol!).

I’ve said to OH that when the ring arrives, I can just start wearing it and we can skip the proposal if he likes, as we already have a date in mind for the wedding, have been looking at venues together online, contemplating guest lists, he knows what suit he wants to wear etc, so the need to faff about with a proper proposal (although I’d love one!) isn’t as a great as most other situations. He however, really wants to propose and has said he already knows how he wants to do it and has a ‘plan’.

My question is, if you know what ring you’re getting, or even like me, are paying off the cost with your OH, how long did it then take your OH to ‘pop the question’ so to speak.

I’m happy to wait for whatever his plan is - it will definitely be lovely to experience that moment as romantic gestures are few and far between amongst the chaos of family life, but I’m equally happy to just start wearing the ring straight away with out being formally ‘asked’, just wondering if anyone has taken our approach to getting the engagement ring, and then either had the proposal pretty soon after? Or were still waiting for months?

I know once the ring is in the house I’m going to be itching to wear it!

I can't see the point personally. You already know that you are getting married (and seem to be well into planning the wedding), you already have the ring (you are paying for it yourself partly?)... What question is there to pop? It's not like you are going to say no, is it. You will also be on pins every time there is a family event or a trip somewhere etc - just wondering whether this will be the time that he does it.

Congratulations on your engagement, wear the ring now and don't worry about the proposal would be what I would do!

OH just really wants to propose, do something special and have 'that' moment, I think. I totally get it because a proposal would be lovely, but I'd be just as happy not having one and wearing the ring as soon as it arrives this week.

I just hope whatever it is that he has planned, that I'm not going to be waiting for ages as then I really will reach the point where I'll be like 'ok, let's just put the bloody ring on and be done with it'

If a lovely piece of jewellery arrived I’d want to wear it straightaway. I wouldn’t be able to wait.

I think that given the way you have gone about things that the moment for a big proposal is well and truly in the past now. However of your DP really wants to do it he still can regardless of whether you are wearing the ring or not.

I wish I’d had the maturity and self awareness at the time we got engaged to have dictated exactly what was acceptable in terms of deciding the most important partnership of my life. If I went back I’d have no silly (expensive) engagement ring. I’d ask him to double barrel our names or alternatively stay separate with the future kids taking mine. I’d ask for no proposal but a serious request from either of us to discuss a marriage. It probably would have been me making the request as I was ready first. I’d have both my parent walk me down the aisle in a not to their care and support - not as them handing over ownership of me. And my DH should walk down the aisle ahead of me with his parents. Loads of little but very significant differences.

I think a proposal after you have started planning the wedding is a bit odd really. Do your friends and family know you are engaged? Also it seems a bit weird that he is effectively saying "you can't have it till I say so". I'd start wearing it straight away, he can still propose at a later date, many people do it without a ring.

We're not properly planning it as in we have the money ready and deposits etc, we just know what year/month we'd like, have a shortlist of venues, he knows which supplier he'd like to hire the suit from and I know which dress shop id like to go to etc. We still need to save up and actually get things in motion, it's just we've been together a long time and frequently talk about our wedding so we both have quite a few rough ideas of what it'll be like. Ordering the ring whilst it was in the sale was just the next step, and now I think he wants to be a bit more traditional with regards to the proposal itself.

As I said, we've had a different approach to all of this than most people, and I genuinely don't mind waiting a while longer for that moment that it happens, but it will kill me knowing the ring is laying around!

You are engaged though, you have agreed to marry each other.That's what engagement means!

Um, well congratulations. It’s pretty much a formality. It sounds a little bit contrived perhaps, I always think the most romantic proposals are heartfelt and in the moment rather than being too set up for the sake of having a good proposal story for everyone, but you sound very happy so hopefully it will come along soon. As you both know and have the ring, perhaps you could narrow him down somewhat (e.g. by end of summer) so you can just get on and wear the ring.

Dh and I had discussed marriage and both agreed we wanted it, we were also ttc and were lucky to have been successful.
My mum knew I wanted to marry him and said I could have her ring from my dad (they're divorced). I was a student and he was on minimum wage so she thought it would help (even though I would have been happy with no ring, we both knew that then dp would never have proposed without one). So when I went home for Christmas holidays my mum gave me the ring to pass on to then dp, for when he was ready to propose.
When I got back I gave him the ring as agreed between the 3 of us. And he kept it until he was ready.
I wanted the proper proposal and he wanted to give me the proper proposal. So no way would I have just worn it, even though technically we had discussed it and I had said to him, I will say yes, I can't wait to be your wife and mum of your baby.

You've both already agreed to get married so why would either of you need to propose? Has he been watching too many romantic films bless him 😂

Me and DH went to pick a ring together. He had one in mind so I tried that and another and went with the one DH picked. It had to be ordered because I have tiny hands.
The day DH was meant to collect it he told me it hadn’t been delivered to store and that as he was working the following 2 days it wouldn’t be collected until Monday. The Saturday night we went for a meal and before hand he suggested a walk by the river where he proposed in the same place he asked me out.
I had clocked on when he suggested the walk but I let it play out anyway.
It was lovely even though like you we had agreed it and was discussing it before we had a ring. But you know that as soon as you tell people you are engaged they will ask for the story. You will want the story to tell your children in the future and it isn’t doing any harm! Yes it is a bit pointless but romance is rare in the real world.
Just indulge!

I agree Hiding in that there's nothing wrong with having an actual proposal/engagement even though a wedding is 100% in the plans.

I think OH wants to take the opportunity to be romantic and honestly, just to do something nice for me. I'm perfectly okay with him making an 'occasion' out of it and am excited to see what he has in store. But as I've said before, I would be equally happy to just pop the ring on myself and say 'okay, we're engaged now!'.

Not so patiently waiting for it's arrival tomorrow!

Congratulations beneath I think it's very romantic that he wants to propose.

To my surprise, my DH 'proposed' the weekend before our wedding because he felt he hadn't done it properly, and it meant the world to me, even though he knew he didn't have to.

DH and I chose my ring together and then it sat in a drawer for a couple of months while I waited for his proposal (& sometimes while he was out I would try it on hehe). The proposal was at a fun public location and then he'd organised a surprise engagement party for afterwards, which was loads of fun! & it's a good story - people will ask you how he proposed so it's nice to have something interesting to say!

I think the oddest thing of all this is the fact you've paid for your own engagement ring.

If you have the money already set for the wedding then why not use that for the ring (if it's joint savings) rather than get finance?

Either way I imagine your poor DP is feeling a bit immaculate so he is holding on to the proposal as a final thing for him to actually control.

For the sake of your relationship, forget about the ring and let your DP do the proposal the way he wants to.

I've already said that we don't have the money for the wedding in a previous post.

He was absolutely fine with me paying half for the ring as it meant I could get the ring I was in love with and he wouldn't be crippled with debt/saving for years to afford it himself. It's not how most would do it, but we're a team and I don't mind whatsoever that I'm helping to pay for it

I wouldn’t buy something we couldn’t afford. (Apart from a house).