12yo son beaten up in park by older boys from school. Advice needed please.

[peoplepleaser1]

My son is in Y7 of local secondary school. Today he went to the local park with 3 other friends.

According to DS and his friends whilst they were at the park three older boys who they don't know came up to them and said "do you know Tony Smith?" (have changed name). DS and friends said that yes they know Tony from school. They were then asked what they think of Tony and they all said they didn't like him. DS said he was a racist (insert swear word) and he can't stand him. DS genuinely dislikes Tony due to a number of unpleasant things that Tony has said and done.

So it turns out that one of these older boys was Tony's big brother. They had a go at DS (fair enough) and DS apologised and the older boys left.

They returned half an hour later. One of them beat DS up- kneed him in the head several times, pulled him to the floor and punched him in the chest and stomach several times. He's physically ok, has a red swollen cheek, swollen red ear and sore stomach but TBH he's not badly injured/ just very shaken and upset.

The boy who beat DS up was not Tony's brother, but Tony's brother was there and egged him on to do it. A third older boy tried to get them to stop.

DS's friends bought him home and they told me what happened. I took his friends home and called the police. I spoke to a few friends first and they advised me to make the call.

The police took details and said they will be back in touch.

I've emailed DS's tutor and given her the basic story not least because Tony is in the same tutor group. Tony is blameless in all this but I can see things being tricky so wanted to give their form tutor the heads up.

DS feels sure these 3 boys are at his school. He knows they are Y9 because they mentioned this. I'm really worried about him on his walk to and from school and whilst at school.

My mind is running away with me and I'm fearing more beatings and knives.

I don't know where to start with telling school as it's such a big school and I don't know the structure or who can help or what they can do. I also know that they have a duty to be independent and protect all pupils so even though I know one of them is Tony's big brother, I realise that school won't tell me his name.

Can anyone help me know what I should be doing for the best please.

I have to spend some time working tomorrow. I have one of those jobs where I can't drop everything and wait at school all day because I'll let people down in a way that caries serious repercussions. I will be available on the phone all day and can be free until about 9.30 and after 2.30.

I'd really appreciate some mumsnet wisdom here.

Ps I've made it clear to DS that he should've kept his mouth shirt and not said unkind stuff about Tony.

You need to take photos of your son to show any injuries or red marks. If the police haven't called you back by tomorrow you need to call again. Your son has been assaulted. I deal with this scenario a lot. While the likelihood is that the youths will receive no more than a caution from the police it should be dealt with properly - all involved need to know how to handle conflict. Incidentally, bear in mind that your son 'may' have said something unpleasant about Tony previously that has drawn attention, - and equally he could be completely blameless. Just keep an open mind, listening ear, and make sure that the police follow up promptly.

Your poor DS. Regardless of what he said about Tony it didnt warrant a beating. In no way whatsoever is he at fault. The older lad asked him the question about what he thought of Tony. He gave his opinion. He doesn't like him. You don't have to like a person.
I'd be speaking to the school and to the police, its an assault.

Take photos ah go into school tomorrow and ask to speaking to the safeguarding lead and the head of ks3. Do not leave until they talk to you. Tell them what happened, that you’ve reported it to the police and you want a plan of what the school is going to do to safeguard your son while at school.

You must get your son examined by a doctor asap. His injuries need to be documented inhis medical records.
That should have been your first priority. He has a head injury.

You r done the right things calling the police and involving the school pastoral care. My dd is head of pastoral care at a big comp and he says he absolutely wouldn’t let this lie until these boys had had suitable punishment. He says it will be easy for the school to investigate and identify the perpetrators, that there is never a fight/ assault in or outside of school without lots of accompanying gossip and stories, so it’s never been impossible in 7 years of doing his job for the right people to be Identified.
They will take statements from everyone, and
It becomes apparent when they are lying, but because they get interviewed separately it all comes together.
The school should do this automatically, but if joy are not getting fast appropriate responses, keep moving up the chain, tutor, head of year/ house head, head teacher.

Your poor son.

Thank you for your reply @BCBG . DS is now fast asleep- I am so stupid not to have taken photos.

The person I spoke to when I called the police gave me an incident number and said that they would have upto 24 hours to get back to me. As it's almost 11pm I'm thinking I should leave it until morning?

I will keep an open mind. DS did not recognise the boys and he doesn't think they knew him at all so I don't think that there is much of a backstory.

I do know Tony has upset a few of DS's friends before through using racist terms and being unkind to someone in foster care saying they were homeless etc.. So Tony does already know that DS isn't his number one fan.

I'm not proud of DS for being unkind about Tony, but that doesn't excuse him getting beaten up?

Your son needs to be seen by a medical person, he could have a hidden serious injury.

Thank you for all your replies. I've taken it all on board and will try to work out who at the school I need to speak to.

I guess I am really empathising with the teachers who will be keen not to tell me who the older boys are.

Oh goodness I'm never usually relaxed about his health or injuries but he just didn't seem very hurt- more bruised and shaken up.

I honesty didn't think he was at risk of a hidden injury. He's eaten tea, watched a film and been chatty.

No, there is no excuse for beating up a younger boy. As I said, it is assault and should be dealt with properly. Take photos tomorrow before he goes to school.

Please. Not school, doctor. Ask for an urgent appointment.
My child was seriously ill after a head injury. Symptoms began 24 hours after the incident.

Gosh your poor son. No one deserves a beating, no matter what.

I'm not sure how old your son is, you say Y7, I'm not familiar with this as not in UK, would he be old enough to stay at home tomorrow alone ?

I think if it were me, I'd bring him to a doctor tomorrow morning first thing or an A&E as early as possible, not sure what the wait times are like there. But getting kneed in the head is not good, did he vomit at all or feel sick, headaches ? you say he has a swollen ear, that means he was hit in the area of the head around the ear, without meaning to scare you, this is a really dangerous part of the head to be hit. I think I'd rather be on the safe side.

If he gets the all clear, and is old enough to stay home, I think I'd leave him home and just ring him every half hour. I'd then go to the school, I know it's difficult when working trying to do all of this but is there no way at all that you can ring in sick ? or ring them and tell them your son as been assaulted and you are taking him to hospital, I'm sure they'd understand.

Thank you.

I'll make a GP appt for first thing this morning. He's not badly injured, but he's shaken up. Sounds like the bit who hit him wasn't very big despite being 2-3 years older which was something I guess.

School opens at 8 for pupils but I'm not sure how many of the teaching team are there at that point. I'll go down anyway and explain what has happened.

A friend has called me as she thinks she has found out Tony's older brother's name. She's pretty sure but not certain of his name and the fact he is in Y9 at DS' school.

I'm not sure there's any point chasing the police if they said they'd be upto 24 hours before coming back to me .

I know this is about DS and not me but I feel so sick and anxious that I can barely think straight.

I'd put a call through now to reception and see if you can speak to any senior teacher. They may or may not then bring it up at staff briefing this morning such that staff can help safeguard - failing that, you need to get head of year 7 to ring you back today.
Tell your son to stick with mates at breaktimes today and his best friend should find whichever member of staff is on playground duty if he is approached by any of the older boys today.
I would follow up with the police and tell headteacher you are doing so, such that it nips it in the bud/is taken seriously by the school seeing as it occurred outside of school and not on school premises - head of year 9 will need to know also so they can make a note on pupil files. They are also best placed to know of friendship groups/past histories of altercations.

Waiting in early morning GP queue now. The redness has subsided. Side of his face is a bit swollen and glares behind his ear is sore and swollen. You can really see anything on photos.

There is no one at school available to talk to yet.

Sorry that should say 'can't really see anything on photos'.

The bruises might take a couple of days to come out 😢

How is he about going back to school ?

He has gone into school and I'm waiting in reception. They said no one may be available for some time!

I'm
Tempted to tell them he's coming home with me until someone can talk to me?

Don’t be surprised if the school did very little about this. It happened outside school and the police are dealing with it. It’s prudent to let school know so they can monitor any escalation but you may not see any action from them.

as pp said there can be hidden injuries.

In my DS school the usual protocol would be to contact head of year, who will escalate things.

I’d also go in person to the police station. And be somewhere close by in the car so you can quietly keep an eye on DS walking to and from school.

He has gone into school and I'm waiting in reception. They said no one may be available for some time!

I’d sit snd wait with DS, don’t take no for an answer. This is a situation where it’s ok to be “that parent.”

Thank you.

DS' head of year spoke with me. He was helpful and took my worries seriously, he doesn't think Tony's older brother is at DS' school, but thinks the other two boys might be.

He is going to speak with DS and the three others who were with him.

He said he will get back to me today with an update.

Police have said wether or not they pursue this depends on if they have clear lines of enquiry and given that one of the boy's younger brother goes to DS' school I would say that think that they do......