Help quitting drinking

[Honeybee27]

Yet another Sunday morning where I've woken up in a pit of anxiety and upset after a night of drinking. Dp and I fell out and I was vile. I made a twat of myself in front of a pub full of people. I'm sick of feeling like this.

When I drink casually at home it's not a problem as I'll only have a set amount get a bit merry and come to bed. No harm done. But when I go out and the drinks keep flowing it's like I change into another person who I don't even recognise. I lose track of how much I've had and lose control of my behaviour. I can see it's becoming a problem and I just want to knock it on the head before I do any real damage.

I hate alcohol threads on MN as people get nasty and throw around the word alcoholic willy nilly. Im not that, I'm just a terrible drunk. I know it's probably beer fear too but I just hate this feeling. I'm going to apologise to dp but also tell him that I no longer want to go to pubs and stuff at the weekend. I want to stop drinking but it's going to be a big lifestyle change.

Anyone have any experience or tips for just giving up?

I think you just have to "do it" if that makes sense.

Talking about it, researching it, reading books on it is all well and good but you actually just need to take action.

• I say this as someone who has cut down a lot but not stopped.

Hello love xxx

Firstly I am sorry to read your post as it makes clear that this is a problem and that damage has begun. I am sorry to hear that.

Alcohol can be a real problem to some people. I have met many who talk about their drinking and it is clear in listening that I need life, this is what they are going to have to learn to live without.

But I have also met many adults who do not drink, and they are better for it. Many find that alcohol is just not good for them and sack it off.

My best bet for you probably is to go to aa. To get some proper support. Just in the beginning until you get the change under your belt.

The things you have done will fade in time but for now I'd say lay low, say sorry and get stuck into change. In the pub in future, drink non alcoholic stuff and let the hmm weren't you a mess when you drank type comments be accepted. I hear them about a lady I know who gets messy and people worry and notice and comment. Let them say it if they are right to say it, and change, and let it pass away.

You are good and brave and honest, and you can be one of those non drinking people from now on.

I've just started reading the unexpected joys of being sober. Could be a good place to start

In life, not I need life.

Thank you. I'm so ashamed of myself. I said some truly awful stuff to dp. The person I love most and I was horrible to him. I'm just laid in bed too frightened to go and talk to him.

Hi,
You suggest you don't have a problem with alcohol but are just not very nice when drunk. If that is the case I would think you could go to the pub to socialise but stick to soft drinks if you want to. If you can't resist a drink even when you want to not drink then perhaps you do have an issue with alcohol and should stop drinking - seeking help if you need to - before it gets out of hand.

I'm similar to you op and have been where you are the morning after so very many times. I used to have to contact the people I'd been out with to apologise/find out what I'd done and said and I would be anxious for days afterwards, then do it all again the next weekend. I didn't drink every day but realised that whilst I don't have an 'alcohol problem' as such (I'm not dependent on it) I can become a problem when I drink. I will be watching this thread with interest and pop back later.

My problem is I can drink a certain amount and be fine. But when we are out and I lose track of volume then my behaviour gets out of control. So for example if we're in the pub and people keep buying me drinks and I drink them without really keeping track of how much I'm having them it always seems to get messy.

I'm so upset with myself and it's not the first time I've been here. It's the feeling of waking up thinking 'omg what did I do' and then the anxiety that washes over me that I can't stand. And then when I know I have actually done something bad the shame and upset is terrible.

Go and talk to your dp. Try reading this naked mind. It changes the way you think about alcohol. I read it at Christmas and haven't drunk since and I used to drink alot. Its a mind set that you can change. It also questions our relationship with alcohol as a society. I really recommend this. She also has youtube podcasts.

The book also questions aa. I don't understand. If you're trying to quit something, why you'd go to meetings and discuss your relationship with alcohol and how shit it made you feel constantly, never truly freeing yourself from it. Once you stop the need to drink goes. Unless you want to spend the rest if your life constantly talking about how it ruined your life. Or just get on with life free from it.

Thank you for the recommendations. I will have a look on amazon today.

Think @Bluesheep8 has hit the nail on the head - I wouldn't class myself as having a problem with dependency or anything but I become a problem and create problems when I drink.

Dp has said it's ok and not to dwell on it. But it's not ok. I just want to hide away and not see anyone.

There are some great support networks out there at the moment. Check out things like Club Soda, One Year No Beer, also Annie Grace (author of This Naked Mind) has one too now I think).

I stopped drinking over a year ago now and life is immeasurably better. I do so much more with my time, much less anxious etc.

With regards to keeping track of what you're drinking in social situations, a gp once gave me a really good tip. I'll try to explain it as best I can. At the time when I had the conversation with her, I was wearing a stack of 5 thin band rings on my finger. She suggested moving one band over to the same finger on the other hand each time I had a drink. So that just by looking at my hand, I could see how many drinks I'd had. It would work the same way with bangles and moving them to the other wrist. Probably sounds silly but I've used this method and it worked for me. Also, depending on what you drink, you can tweak things somewhat. For example, I drink white wine and when I'm out now, instead of having a large white wine, I order small or medium topped up with soda so that I still have my nice big glass but the measure is smaller. I drink at home more often than out nowadays and have a glass from a pub with the measures on the side and then top up with soda. It's a difficult one for people like us op and for me it's about finding a way of being able to enjoy a drink without becoming a problem to ourselves and others. I'm still trying to do just that - I was even referred to an alcohol service by my gp at one point but after a few appointments they said they were unable to advise and weren't the right service for me because I am not alcohol dependent and don't want to stop drinking completely but instead want to learn to manage my drinking.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=wvCMZBA7RiA

I suggest you read up on grey area drinking ...
Very insightful.
I think many people like yourself get stuck in an abyss of the problem of not being an “alcohol dependent alcoholic “ so what do I do ?
Alcohol is a problem for you though as the consumption of it is giving you problems .

I’m totally sober now and happier than I’ve ever been ... totally in control of my life and no waking up with anxiety and beer fear .

Previously I would go a year or 2 not drinking at all .. when I drank it was once every couple of months but like you I didn’t have an off button ...
I did things that I shouldn’t have ...when drunk ...
I suggest you go dry for at least a year and take things from there ...

Good luck and go apologise to your DH ...
Explain you are looking for support to tackle this ...

I definitely feel that the time and money I could save by cutting out drinking altogether would make it worthwhile. On the days when I haven't had a drink the night before I feel so much motivated whereas I know today will be a miserable and wasted day because I just feel sluggish and tired not to mention anxious and upset.

There are some really good tips here. I do find a lot of enjoyment in drinking sensibly with dp at home or when we go out for a meal and so on. But there are nights like last night when I can't find that off button and it turns into a nightmare. So I definitely need to cut down a lot and stop myself from getting into those particular situations.

I have apologised to dp and he is fine but I still feel bloody awful mentally emotionally and physically. It's really not worth it.

Just watched that YouTube clip and it is very insightful. Good to know there are methods by which you can live a healthy lifestyle and naturally improve mood without relying on alcohol. For me it's not really about that though, I'm just a social person who gets silly and greedy when they have a drink. And that's when the problems begin.

Honestly feel so low today, got up briefly to chat with dp and now back in bed