How would your 13 yr old react to this?

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

Ds is desperate to take part in a school sleepover. However he sometimes still wets at night. Chances are he will be fine but it’s Sod’s law isn’t it? I’m reluctant to tell him he shouldn’t go because it’s not his fault and I’m loath to make him ashamed of it. Would your year 8 child be awful to him if they found out? He’s got some lovely friends, some who already know and obviously school are aware and should be helpful. I’m just wondering what the general reaction amongst kids would be?

Well I don't have a 13 year old but if this happened in my school when we were 13 the person would never have been able to show their face again. But it sounds like your DS school may not be like that if some friends already know? Did it happen at a friends house or did he tell them?

Dd12 would be very matter of fact and supportive at the time, and probably ask me about possible reasons later. Ds13 wouldn’t be overtly nasty, but might well snigger/ laugh if others made comments and would possibly move his bed away. He is quite insensitive: he doesn’t mean to be nasty but can forget to consider others feelings unless reminded.

My son was still wetting the bed at 7 and I took him to the doctor. He gave him something to sniff every night - after one sniff he never wet the bed again. He did use the whole bottle, but after that we didn't renew the prescription.

‘In general’ he’d probably be teased, but it would be forgotten quickly I expect. I don’t see why it couldn’t be handled very discretely TBH, if it did happen. Tell him to go as the last thing he does before bed and it probably won’t happen.

My DS went on a residential age 8 and got some tummy bug the last day and did a bit of diarrhoea in his pants. I don’t think he got ribbed too much and no one really brought it up for long. I think it helped that he didn’t care about it much.

My son had same problem up til 12ish so he would be kind. I imagine many teenage boys even if not directly mean about it would still find it hard to disguise an initial reaction and obviously you don't want him embarrassed.

Have you been to the doctor? We were referred to a clinic and they prescribed him a tablet (Desmomelt, can be taken without water as it is mouth soluble) which he could take before events like this. We also worried about friends' sleepovers, camping, school trips, stays in hotels etc. You don't need to take it daily unless you want to. He has now grown out of it as we were assured he would, but it was very upsetting for him (and us!) at the time. Having the tablet helped a lot until his body was old enough to recognise the signals.

One friend he has been his best friend since reception and they have regular sleepovers together so he knows. Another was a room buddy on a residential in year 6 so he knew.

I would hope that he could just head off and sort himself out without anyone knowing but I do worry.

Would you say it’s best to say no then?

You take it last thing, before bed BTW

And to answer your Q, my DS is actually very kind and I know wouldn’t tease. I know plenty in his class though who like to, and I expect it’s the same in most places. My DD would probably tell me about it conspiratorially and then be all grown-up when I tell her that never mind, it’s pretty common and that she shouldn’t be unkind about it.

My boys would have. Even completely accepting of this. My daughter would too. I would just be select in who's house to avoid any problems.

Sorry just realised I miss read Year 8 for age 8. My DD is 7 for context! If I was talking to a 13 year old and they mentioned it, I’d tell them it’s a physical issue that can’t be helped, and not to tease about it.

Unfortunately I believe a lot of 13 year children, particularly boys, would be awful to your son if he had an accident.

My son is 12 and would be kind, even if it happened to someone he didn't like. My son was born with clubfeet and walks with a limp, so he knows how it feels to have his peers be horrible to him. Like your son, he has a lovely group of friends who accept him as he is.

I would let him go. If he stays with his friends, they can help if any issues should arise.

Not ideal, but could you look to get him some waterproof pants for the night? You can get some that look like normal boxer shorts. Just a thought.

Will they be using sleeping bags? A friend of mine was in the same situation. She put a pair of pull ups at the bottom of his sleeping bag and rolled it up. He could slip them on at night, then slid them off in the morning and left them at the bottom of the sleeping bag. Job done and no one was any the wiser

is there someone in school you can talk to..

My DS (12) had an accident on a sleepover this year.. He was laughing too much apparently..His friends were kind and he didn't sleep though.

Maybe talk through with your DS how he feels and then maybe talk to the school.

When I was around 12 at a girls sleepover, my friend showed us all her “pull up” and explained she still wet the bed. We’d been on loads of residential trips together and I’d never noticed until she decided to tell us all. None of us laughed, but we were really good friends and had been for years. I wouldn’t laugh at anyone though as I’d like to say I’m kind.

My brother on the other hand, is 13 now and I’m pretty sure he’d take the mick if it was his friend, because he can be a wind up.

Can he wear a “secret pull up?” I can’t see how anyone would know if he put it on right before bed.

I’ll talk to him about pull ups, though he’s been reluctant in the past. I’ve already been in contact with the pastoral leader at the school and she’s just emailed back very supportively. She’s going to call me next week but doesn’t see any issue and is actually on the sleepover herself so can look out for him.

Try the gp?

My Ds has a cub camp (8) and was wetting each night. My GP prescribed medication to stop wetting temporarily. Try that.

He had to take one tablet a day for a few days before the camp to get the meds into his system, then it worked a treat! The camp leader gave him his tablet that night discreetly, then no drinks after 6pm. I'd never usually dole out medication easily but in this instance I felt it necessary. The doctor was very supportive and gave me enough for several sleepovers/camps, which we kept.

Worth a go?

He’s been under the GP since he was 7 taking desmopressin daily. We really do all we can to minimise it. I’m not worried, I know he will stop eventually.

It’s purely the other children I’m concerned about. I worry I should say no to protect him.

I understand...it's not being able to control the reaction of others.

Hope he manages to go. I second the idea of pull-up at bottom of sleeping bag and leave it there in morning.

Does anyone need to know? Is it very large volume? What about something like these? He can get changed in the bathroom?

www.kyliekanga.co.uk/kylie-boys-black-extra-extra-large-age-12-years

I’d be strongly tempted to try to catch any possible accidents and not require bedding to be washed and dried.
I think kids I know at that age would be ok with a pad/pull-up if they even noticed but I’m not 100% sure that they’d be discreet about s fully wet bed (just out of surprise and not thinking - omg is your bed soaked, what did you spill, it can’t be pee” kind of comments.

My DS was wet every single night up till year 8 despite years of alarms, medication etc.

He went on a 4 day residential trip in year 8 and I was quite nervous. We discussed how best to discretely change his pyjama pads in the morning etc. Had a full plan.

He came with them all unused, his clothes and bedding completely dry and clean and was never ever wet at night again!

He used to worry about it at his age but I reassured him that if it was that rare, we wouldn't be buying pads in his size at our local Tesco!

My son is 13 and wets occasionally and has been on 2 week-long school trips. I sent him with incontinence shields for men which stuck to his boxers; I tested them before he went and they held 400ml without leaking. They weren't as bulky as drynites so didn't show through his pjs (which were deliberately baggy). I told him to leave them stuck to the boxers and I would remove them at home and gave him a ziplock bag for all his underwear so no one would smell anything. Once they were stuck in his boxers they were hardly noticeable. As it was he didn't wet once while he was away, but the shields gave him confidence when he went to bed.

I looked at buying the incontinence boxers but they had bad reviews.

When he was younger we did drynites in the bottom of a sleeping bag for Beaver camp, which he took off inside the sleeping bag and left for me to sort when he came home.

Honestly, yes I do think the boys around him would have teased him if they saw a wet bed, he was in a dorm of 8 on one occasion and they mixed the boys up so they weren't just with their friends. I told him to say it was a medical problem and to try and ignore, but they didn't find out so he didn't have to.