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Original poster

What to do about this present?

50 replies

BertrandRussell · 19/06/2019 19:56

I’m interested in antiques, and like buying little things as presents- guilt free shopping. I bought a little silver thing for a present recently, and it’s become obvious that the person really likes it and is using it but doesn’t realise it’s solid silver and an antique. It didn’t cross my mind that they wouldn’t notice the hall mark even if they didn’t know what they meant. It only cost about the same as we would spend for an adult present in my circle of friends so not much. But not knowing it’s solid silver and 100 years old makes me look like a bit of a cheapskate. I can’t say anything, can I? -

OP posts:

LadyWho · 19/06/2019 20:01

Errrr why not? I would definitely say something. How would it make you look cheap?

Surely you can just casually mention that it's a solid silver antique? I'd definitely want to know that if I was using an antique as an every day item.

mimibunz · 19/06/2019 20:03

“I’m so glad you like it and are using it! Antiques like that often get overlooked in modern times....”

SparklesandFlowers · 19/06/2019 20:08

Definitely express how pleased you are they like it and casually mention that it's an antique and solid silver. "I'm so pleased you use it and like it. You know I'm interested in antiques; I saw that one and thought of you straightaway! I'm not sure who's hallmark it is on the silver but perhaps one day you can go on the Antiques Roadshow and find out a bit more about it!"

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Original poster

BertrandRussell · 19/06/2019 20:23

I do know who the hallmark is- and it’s not Antiques Roadshow material!

I feel it makes me look like a cheapskate because you could buy something very similar in plate or even stainless for half the price. It’s not rare or valuable- it’s just nice.

OP posts:

SparklesandFlowers · 19/06/2019 21:35

Okay, it was just an idea of something you could say to let them know it was a silver antique. I don't know enough about it, I guess.

Original poster

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2019 06:32

@SparklesandFlowers I’m really sorry- that sounded arsey and I didn’t mean it to. I was just imagining the special kind face Ian Pickford would make if they turned up all excited with a 20 quid trinket and it came out wrong.
It’s a good idea though. I’ll think of something along those lines to say.

OP posts:

BigRedDoor · 20/06/2019 06:36

If they like it and are using it why do you need to point out to them how much it cost / how special it is? Unless it’s so valuable they need to put it on their insurance, which it doesn’t seem to be.

Original poster

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2019 06:49

I’m not saying this is in any way rational!
I’ve got two thoughts, I suppose. One is that I love old things, and part of the present for me was the pleasure of using something pretty and functional and 100 years old.

The other, less worthy, thought is that if you don’t know then it looks as if I have spent significantly less than we normally as a group of friends spend on presents to each other, because it’s a design that’s still widely available in plate and even stainless steel.

And even less worthy, nobody has told me how clever I am to have found it!

It’s not a big deal, of course, and that’s three thoughts.

OP posts:

BigRedDoor · 20/06/2019 06:56

I understand! You’ve found a brilliant present for the usual budget and it’s quite a special thing. But the recipient doesn’t know just how special and you’d like the credit for a) being clever enough to find it and b) not being a cheapskate.

To be honest unless you can shoehorn in the subtle comment about the antique-ness of it as suggested above, you’ll look a bit mad if you go out of your way to point out just how non-cheap and clever you are. For all you know your friend might know it’s an antique. Or they may feel stupid for not knowing and having it pointed out to them. Can you just derive quiet pleasure from knowing that you know you gave a nice present?!

IlovecatsIloveeverykindofcat · 20/06/2019 07:11

Buy them a silver cloth then 'oh I had meant to give this to you with the xxxx, since you shouldn't clean solid silver with furniture polish' or something like that.

cranstonmanor · 20/06/2019 07:17

"I'm so glad you like it/ to see you use it, it's quite rare that I come across solid silver antique thing like this. Most are new and plated. It's nice to see how it's used again after what? Probably a hundred years or so? Maybe our granparents had one as well when they were younger, wouldn't that be interesting"

Original poster

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2019 07:28

I think I might have invented a very polite, restrained Radio 4 panel show.... anyone want to help me pitch it?

OP posts:

DappledThings · 20/06/2019 07:31

How do you know they don't know it's silver? Maybe they do know but they are practical and still want to use it for it's intended purpose even if it is more valuable than a modern version?

Hard to know if that makes sense without knowing what it is.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 20/06/2019 07:57

If you'd feel the need to make a comment to me as the recipient of the gift (I am in a different country so proper manners around gifts are probably different):
I'd start to wonder if I hadn't praised you enough, thanked you enough, should do sth different with the present. It would take part of my enjoyment away.
And
I would start to question what kind of person you are, feeling the need to point that out, making sure you recieve enough praise and attention.

AnneKipanki · 20/06/2019 10:01

It is a gift . Take it as a compliment that they are wearing it and it is not sitting in a box in a drawer.

Original poster

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2019 10:16

I knew I was running the risk of making myself look a bit of a dick- surprised people have been so charitable! I want them to use it all the time. I also want them to get the passing pleasure of “wow, this is 100 years old” every time they do, which for me is part of rue present. And, of course, I want them to think “how clever of Bertrand to find this for us- isn’t she clever!”.......

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 20/06/2019 10:19

Next time you see them just mention the antiques place you bought it, and then say oh that's where I got your x, it's 100 years old, they have some very cool stuff.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 20/06/2019 10:21

Ah it IS a dilemma! I would come down on the side of liking seeing it used I think.

CalmFizz · 20/06/2019 10:25

Is it a anything to do with food service? I think some people might feel a bit icky about the age of something that they eat from and stop using it.

DappledThings · 20/06/2019 10:29

I also want them to get the passing pleasure of “wow, this is 100 years old” every time they do, which for me is part of rue present. And, of course, I want them to think “how clever of Bertrand to find this for us- isn’t she clever!

But how do you know they haven't done this? Have they actually said, "thank you for my lovely reproduction item that looks quite old but I'm assumming is actually new"?

Original poster

BertrandRussell · 20/06/2019 10:33

“I think some people might feel a bit icky about the age of something that they eat from and stop using it“
Gosh- really? I’d never thought of that! Practically everything people eat off or with in my house is second hand/vintage/antique.....

OP posts:

TheRedBarrows · 20/06/2019 10:37

Is there a polite non patronising non PA way to say something like “oh I meant to say, don’t put it in the dishwasher as it is silver “.

Otherwise if you do know what the hallmark means, fiddle with it next time you are there and make a reference to the date... “I wonder how the first family to own this used it in 1920...” “ It’s funny to think that this has survived 2 world wars, and so many changes in fashion “.

It may not be noble, but I would feel the same as you.

AnneKipanki · 20/06/2019 10:38

We all know you ARE clever , Bertrand !

TheRedBarrows · 20/06/2019 10:39

“I think some people might feel a bit icky about the age of something that they eat from and stop using it“

Do these people never eat in restaurants or hotels?

DappledThings · 20/06/2019 10:49

it’s become obvious that the person really likes it and is using it but doesn’t realise it’s solid silver and an antique

I'm really over-invested in this thread and really need to do some work so please answer my questions about why it's obvious. It's really bugging me! Just because they are using it doesn't mean they don't know it's an antique. Unless it's very fragile which as say you wanted them to use it I'm assuming it isn't.

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