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School gate socialising

14 replies

thestruggleisrealyeah · 19/06/2019 08:25

My children are both at primary school. It's a lovely friendly neighbourhood school in a big city. There are coffee mornings for parents two days a week (held in a room at the school).

I struggle terribly with knowing when to talk to someone and when not to (I've long suspected that I have ASD). Sometimes I perceive that someone doesn't want to talk to me, but I'm not sure whether I'm being oversensitive, or perhaps they are just rude (or had a momentary lapse of manners as we all do sometimes).

For example there's one mother I know by sight and have chatted to a few times. Recently we came across each other when travelling to a party location on public transport. We walked together with our children and chatted about the weather etc.

On the way home we left at the same time and were again talking. At a certain point she and her child started walking much faster and ended up crossing the road and leaving us mid-conversation without saying goodbye. I was left wondering whether I'd said something wrong, whether she was just severely lacking in manners (or distracted), or... well, I've no idea.

I've avoided her since then but will smile and say hi when I have to (eg if we pass in a doorway, I don't ignore her).

I saw her at the school coffee morning and felt like I shouldn't go anywhere near her. Am I being too sensitive? How do you know who to approach and who not to? It just seems like a minefield!

OP posts:
thestruggleisrealyeah · 19/06/2019 11:47

Anyone else struggle with making chitchat? (The irony of having trouble getting a response in the 'Chat' section isn't lost on me! GrinGrinGrin)

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 19/06/2019 11:51

At a certain point she and her child started walking much faster and ended up crossing the road and leaving us mid-conversation without saying goodbye

This is very odd and incredibly rude. I'd stay away from her op if I was you.

FindaPenny · 19/06/2019 12:02

Yeah that's quite rude of her.... Did she even wave or anything?

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thestruggleisrealyeah · 19/06/2019 12:04

I always blame myself for some reason, though I don't know how on earth it could have been me. I'm sure we weren't chatting about anything incredibly interesting but it's not like it was controversial or triggering (I'd have remembered). I think it was plans for half term or something!

I felt very odd and uncomfortable about it. But she seems to get along fine with various other parents at school whom I know and consider fairly "normal" (though what would I know).

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 19/06/2019 12:06

I hated things like that and avoided them like the plague. Much preferred going out to work where I had social life as well as work. Coffee mornings, toddler/baby groups etc, are not everyone's thing.

Teddybear45 · 19/06/2019 12:06

The problem is her not you. My guess is she might be a social climber and has decided you aren’t worth the bother. Ignore.

thestruggleisrealyeah · 19/06/2019 12:08

Yeah that's quite rude of her.... Did she even wave or anything?

No just went faster than us. She had a pushchair and one child walking, I had three children walking, and she just sped off. In her position I'd have said sorry, got to rush, or "Got to go to X shop" or whatever.

At the school gates I generally stand by myself and pretend to be listening to music because I really don't know when it's ok to go up to someone and chat, and when it's not. I sometimes do it (with particular parents I know well) but less and less these days.

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 19/06/2019 12:08

Regarding the woman who walked off from you, it sounds to me like she was preoccupied, only had half an ear on you. People generally aren't deliberately rude in that way. Don't take it to heart. Flowers

willowstar · 19/06/2019 12:10

maybe, just maybe, her toddler sped on ahead and she sort of ran to catch up then at some point turned round to say sorry or something and you missed it? I think I have done that before.

FindaPenny · 19/06/2019 12:10

Are there any friendly mums? Are the mums of your children's friends nice?

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 19/06/2019 12:12

I sometimes do this, not speed off, but will cross the road. My children have asd and we have to cross at a set place everyday, they cannot cope with changes at the end of the school day and even a little thing like this can set them off. Most people I talk to know this though so don't take offence (I hope)

QuiFaitCa · 19/06/2019 12:12

It IS a minefield for anyone who's not completely insensitive! Yes, rude on the other woman's part, I'd continue to be smiley and try and chat if you're in a similar situation again, as anyone who's polite and friendly would. But other than that approach/chat to other people instead.

purpleme12 · 19/06/2019 12:15

Honestly some people really are just arseholes for no reason as it sounds like in this case. People like that you've just got to accept that's how they are and not let it affect you. Do what you're doing eg say hi but don't take her behaviour to heart. I've got someone like that at my school

FindaPenny · 19/06/2019 12:22

"In her position I'd have said sorry, got to rush, or "Got to go to X shop" or whatever."

You sound nice and polite, so don't worry about it. Either she was rude or it was accidental, nothing to do with you ☺️

I don't usually like approaching people at the gates if they are in a group (unless I know them well) but if they are alone I would, maybe you can try that approach? It's usually a maximum of 10 minutes of chit chat...... Maybe you will discover others think the mum is horribly rude too🤣

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