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How much.. Effort do your friends make?

5 replies

PeppermintMe · 18/06/2019 15:58

Not quite sure where to post this...
I have a 'friend' who I have recently backed off from. I enjoy their company a lot BUT they make no effort whatsoever to communicate or do any friends type things. Doesn't send any birthday greetings (no card text etc), never rings for a chat, never calls around, asks after me or my work. We know each other through work and probably happen upon each other in the canteen 3 times a month during our coffee breaks.
I moved away from the friendship as I thought I was being a total mug and pursuing something which just wasn't there. However they recently 'called me out' on my behaviour saying I was ignoring them (not particularly true) and I should at least have the curtesy of telling them what they did wrong. I told them that I felt the friendship wasn't reciprocated and didn't want to bother them.
I feel like I'm stuck in limbo now. Please help!

OP posts:
Scorpvenus1 · 18/06/2019 16:29

Big fat Zero

PeppermintMe · 18/06/2019 19:49

Hopeful bump for others who may have any wisdom to share.
Otherwise its just you and I scorp!

OP posts:
ChopinIn10Minuets · 18/06/2019 20:45

I think this is called being taken for granted. Perhaps you could say that you assumed that they were happy to continue a more casual friendship as they weren't bothered about birthdays, organising meet-ups etc. and you'd found yourself taking on more than you had time for. Or something like that.

It's a bit of a minefield TBH. I wish there was more of a culture of talking about this sort of stuff rather than letting it stew. But for now, I've learned to be very aware of when the friendship load is unequal. I have actually stepped away at an early stage when I've realised the other person is happy enough to come round to mine but not bothered enough (or 'too busy') to invite me anywhere.

ThursdayLastWeek · 18/06/2019 20:49

You know, I have a friend who has sort of done the same thing.
They have totally distanced themselves from the little group of mutual friends, but then also complains (not to me) that they feel left out. I dont get it.

Even after the situation was explained, they continue to make 0 effort.

I gave up quite a long time ago, I’m ok with bring phased out, it happens. I’m sad to see a mutual friend be so hurt by that kind of behaviour though.

PeppermintMe · 18/06/2019 21:11

I don't know what to do for the best. I find it hurtful that I'm continually massaging their ego and get zero in return. Clearly its of benefit for me to continue providing this service to them. Even when I mentioned the need for reciprocity they've still done nothing to change things. I don't want to be a mug here.

OP posts:
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