I can't cope with interviews and have turned down 7 interviews in the past 3 months.

[wantingtodie]

Social anxiety has turned my life and I can't find a way out.

I've just had a terrible job interview for a job I know I can do. I have all the skills but I just can't get passed the interview stage. My mind goes blank and I don't know what to say.

I've turned down 7 interviews in the past few months because I can't bare to go through with the interview. Some interviews I've cancelled on the day. Im never going to get a job that I want. Im working with an agency at the moment as the interview was informal and something that I could cope with.

I feel so so down and honestly I do feel like not living. I envy people who can just talk. I have had this for so long that I don't even know who I am without this.

Is your anxiety diagnosed? Can you ask for a different style of interview/application process as a reasonable adjustment?

For example you could ask for a pre-visit to meet everyone before the interview, longer to answer or the possibility of having a break mid interview (if that would help!), having your interview first so you're not waiting around with anxiety building, or to be able to take notes in with you.

Do any of those sound useful? What strategies have worked in managing your anxiety in other situations?

I appreciate that not all companies will be as open and willing as they should be, but finding one that supports your at interview might mean you could feel confident they understand your condition going forward.

There's some good resources on www.evenbreak.co.uk/en/resources-for-candidates to support with job applications for people with health conditions and/or disabilities

I agree with PP about practising as well. Do you have someone who could do a mock interview with you? (Use glassdoor.co.uk to come up with some questions)

It sounds like a really frustrating and stressful place to be

You need to practice. Competency Based Interviews are easy to prepare for. They are just you telling stories.

They generally follow a standard format - tell me about a time when: you worked on a team, you had a difficult client, you had too much work to manage and needed to prioritise, you had to take a risk, you had to tell someone something they didn't want to hear.

Then the follow up questions are generally something like - what did you learn, what would you do differently etc

PRACTISE. Practise in the car, in the shower for 10 mins before you go to sleep. Look back through you CV and write your stories down. Learn them. Practise with a friend, aunt, brother or mentor, whoever really. Interview them back so you can hear their answers. Practise all of the time till you are sick of your own stories.

On interview day, take your CV in with you and a list of questions for the interviewer. Always ask for a glass of water, if you freeze you can buy yourself time having a sip.

If they ask you a question you don't have a prepared answer for then don't go silent. Say "that's an interesting question, I need a minute to think that through" Then flick through your CV and see if it prompts a memory. Keep talking - say something like, I don't have an example for that, but something similar happened, can I tell you about that. If the interviewer moves on, then move on too, but ask to go back if you think of a good answer.

You have skills that organisation are looking for, they invited you because your CV demonstrates you have those skills. They WANT YOU before you step in the door so just show them your amazing self.

I have been thinking about this and RN is right, think up a story to go with each of the core competencies that you demonstrated when you completed the application. Practise each of the stories a bit, so you have a story about a time you dealt with anti-discrimination, a team working issue etc.
I also always used to have coffee, the heat helped keep me grounded in the room and sipping it after someone asked a tougher question gave me a minute to gather my thoughts.
Pay attention to the interviewer, if they think you haven't answered a question that you should be able to they will often ask another question around it. Try and listen to the wording.
It is really useful to remember what the buzz words the application had so that you can give them back to them in the answers, again a little practise can help with this.
You have getting the interviews so you have what they are looking for.

I have an interview today which I'm cancelling. Ice not prepared enough and I don't want to go through the humiliation.

Don’t cancel. You’ve got time to prepare now and doing that will help you feel in control. There are some great tips on this thread. You won’t be humiliated - no interviewer would do that. Go for it and good luck!

For competency based interviews you need 8 examples. Write them down long hand in full. Practice saying them. If you need to print a copy of your c.v to take with you and write them in pencil on the face of it. Go to each interview just for practice.

If you're actually feeling suicidal, please see your GP. It sounds like this is really getting to you and messing with your head. I agree that interviews are extremely difficult and if I weren't lucky enough to have been given a job without interview, I don't know where I'd have been the last few years. What I do know is that, unfortunately, interviewing well is a skill in itself which is completely separate from being able to do the job and you need to treat it as such. Being bad at interviews is not s reflection on you or your intelligence, it just means that you haven't yet learned how to navigate the bullshit process.

Things that have helped my anxiety:

• Beta blockers (prevent panic attacks)
• Anti-depressants (lower anxiety levels, enabling me to be more relaxed about life)
• Hypnotherapy (changed how I felt about things)

Good luck! Sending you hugs. And if you feel like hurting yourself, please ring Samaritans!

Interviews terrify me too but I have to say the more you do, you become more able to deal with them.

In my last one (for my current job), I had totally convinced myself that I wouldn’t get it. This seemed to trick my brain into making me more relaxed and able to engage normally with the interviewers rather than acting like a rabbit in the headlights.

Try to downgrade in your mind the importance of interviews. It’s just a conversation. If you don’t get the job, forget it and move on. But don’t cancel interviews, that way you’re reinforcing your fears and creating a vicious circle!

Have you tried cognitive behavioural therapy? It can be really useful. My friend did it for a total fear of public speaking and it was crippling her at work

It's too.late. ive already sent the email. I honestly can't do it. Its like I'm having a panic attack. My last interview the other day just made me feel so awful and has really Knocked my confidence.

ladybirdees yes I have tried cbt on the NHS to help with my social anxiety but it was hopeless. My issues run deep into early childhood and linked to trauma. It's complex and I don't present like a "typical" person with social anxiety. I'm messed up basically!

Could you see the GP and get a low dose of diazepam? Just for interview day? I know people are given it before flying and I was prescribed it once when I was anxious about a small op being done under local anaesthetic

Speak to your doctor. You can get propanolol to take before an interview. Musicians take if for stage fright. It basically blocks the adrenaline surge or the flight or fight instinct.

I second the beta blockers suggestion.
Discuss it with your gp

Also there is a big difference between posts where they are looking for one person, and posts where they are constantly recruiting and you just need to get above a certain threshold of competence to get the job. (For example 111 call handler).

You made the decision today on the basis of not being prepared. Focus on getting prepared now. Use the time you would be at the interview not beating yourself up, but talking yourself into taking up the great suggestions given in the thread.

Yep, I had an interview for my dream job. Real once in a lifetime opportunity. I had to look at a spreadsheet and answer a few questions. Rather than admit the print out was too small for me to read, I said 'I don't know' to every question. No idea why. It's not just nerves/everybody hates interviews. Like you say, just being completely unable to talk. And coming back to/repeating questions is the worst. I've forgotten the question the second they've moved onto something else so time doesn't help.

OP I have read your post and can really relate to your situation. I was made redundant after 20 years of working. However, thrown back into the job hunting process along with my own MH problems caused me terrible anxiety and I was cancelling on the day of the interview although on paper I was the ideal candidate.

I would offer this advice. If you are receiving benefits your local Jobcentre Plus may be able to offer mock interviews and point you in the right direction. Or do you have any organisations in your area that specialise in helping people with Mental Health problems re-enter work. You may be surprised that you don't come across as badly as you think and if you are getting positive feedback will increase your confidence.

It's a shame you cancelled as you have put so much effort into completing an application and it becomes a vicious circle. Be careful though - if you keep doing this with the same organisations, they may suggest you stop applying as interviewing is costly in terms of resources.

I actually have another interview for an NHS admin role this week. I have made a promise to myself that I will go. I will prepare as much as I can as I feel that puts me at ease.

For the people saying take propanolol, how does it help? What does it actually do? Will I feel calm but still have the panicky thoughts? When should I take them before the interview?

After this interview I've decided that I'm not going to apply for any new jobs. I'm hoping to use some of the tips on this thread and really get my answers thorough and keep practicing until I feel more comfortable. Because at the moment I'm finding it all way too much and it's overwhelming me and causing a lot of anxiety.

Fantastic that you have an interview.

There's so much good advice on here. Do take in a small notebook and pen so you can jot down their questions. It gives you a couple of seconds to collect your thoughts and makes sure you don't forget in a panic what you've been asked. Also you can jot down some reminders for yourself of examples you'd like to give for the competency based stuff.

Don't get despondent, as others have said, one of these interviews will yield results, and all the time you're improving your chances with practice.🤞🤞🤞

My brother took beta blockers for his driving test as he kept failing it as he was so anxious his legs were involuntarily shaking so much he couldn't even use the clutch. He took them just before the test and passed with flying colours having failed 6 times previously. I really think a good chat with the gp will help and they can let you know the ins and outs of what the drugs do to reassure you. Good luck op you must feel so frustrated. You can do this!

This isn't great advice but my doctor gave me beta blockers for anxiety and I no longer have anxiety but take them for interviews and it takes away all the adrenaline/fast heartbeat. I hate interviews too, I burst into tears at one once. Beta blockers really help.

I don't think op is around anymore? How has it been since?

I have a job interview tomorrow, I think I will cancel it, I know I will go blank and say the most stupid thing ever and will take months for me to recover.

I can't sleep, I want to cry. I just lost my current job.

I know exactly where you are comping from OP. The only post that gave me even a glimmer of hope was the beta blockers one - that's how much I've tried everything else!
Still kicking myself I didn't get my dream job in university admissions last year. It was pretty difficult to even get an interview but I know I am good at CV/application.
At this stage and age (45 soo to be made redundant) I would be happy with anything I can actually do. My mum always says, 'you could always work at Sainsbury's' as though that's an easy job to get/last resort! I wish!

Oh sorry I didnt realise this was a zombie thread....

I was also going to suggest beta blockers. I’ve not tried them myself but have similar problems to you, OP, and have thought about giving them a go.