Help me accept this issue at work

[PorridgeIsYummy]

Hi. I'm very upset so please bear with me.

I lead this project at work and one of my colleagues has demanded to be part of it. This colleague, let's call her A, has been very damaging for the morale in our department and has fallen out with virtually all of the colleagues in every project she taken part in. She is quite lazy but "sells herself" incredibly well - something I need to learn from!

A's line manager (let's call her B) is very invested in her and has interfered in my decision not to have A in my team. B is senior to me and is also involved in this project. I explained my concerns about having A in my team due to the many instances of conflict she initiated and to her difficulties around team work.

B has completely overridden my decision; what's worse, she and A are now pretty much leading on the direction the project is taking, with me as project leader in name only.

I feel crushed. How can I accept this situation and move forward? Finding another job is not possible in the short or middle term.

Thanks.

To clarify, I'd like to hear about ways of how to move on from this in a dignified manner. Thanks.

Did B appoint you project manager in the first place or somebody higher up?

I wouldn’t be able to.

I would have to go above B if possible and state the position you are in.

Or go to Human Resources and say that you feel sick and anxious in the work environment as you are being undermined.

Let her set her own trap. If she falls out with everyone eventually, it will happen here and your point will be made, without you looking like you can't work as a team leader.

Honestly?

Sit back, keep your head down and wait for the inevitable fall out between A and B. It absolutely will happen.

I would start documenting the instances where you feel undermined and then presenting it to B in the first instance, ccing in her manager and HR bod.

Is this role on your job description and part of your core work ?

Or

Are you involved and invested so a bit precious about it and your involvement being overridden?

Is B your line manager? If it's someone else then discuss with them

Hi, thanks for your answers. This role is a core part of my responsibilities, yes. I don't think I'm particularly invested in it, but I enjoy working on it.

I don't want to take this up with HR just yet, but thanks for suggesting it.

I just feel so uncertain about what to do.

What does your direct manager think? We’ve had this occasionally and my manager has ridden to the rescue (he’s a good egg).

My line manager is lovely, but unfortunately they're too busy and wanting an easy life (I think). Confronting B is no mean feat, that's the other thing. I'm not sure what to think.

Let her work her magic and watch everything fall apart. Report results to the line manager. Proved your point so win win!

Sorry, I meant to say that my manager was really quite upset on my behalf and supportive. But obviously, overriding B's decision is quite hard, particularly as she has quite an intimidating manner. She's also presenting a different narrative of the situation and it's obviously my word against hers.

This is why I know I have to accept the situation and find a way to move on, maintaining my dignity if possible (I just feel too humiliated and angry to think straight now). I also struggle to accept that with A's track record she's once again getting what she wants.

Hi Beautiful, I think you're right...

All I can suggest is make sure everything is in an email. If you are managing the project, but they're deciding the direction it takes, make sure email along the lines of 'Dear B. Just to clarify, you now wish to take the project in South direction which will involve x, y and z activities. Would you like me to relay this to the rest of the team?'

Send LOTS of emails clarifying their decision-making - nice emails mind, but useful to document everything when it inevitably goes tits up so you won't be the one in the firing line.

I was going to agree with the PP. Just be careful as you are named as project manager which means if it screws up you will be deemed to be responsible. Surely you need to be assertive and make sure the project goes in the direction you want? If not then you need to inform someone higher up that you’re not being allowed to do your job.

Please don't sit back and let the project go tits up, because you, as the PM, will carry the can.

I'd suggest a meeting with B.....ask her outright if she has been appointed PM and if so by whom as you have not been informed you have been replaced. She'll struggle to give you a name and if she does clarify with them what the reality of the situation is.

After every interaction with her, replay her words in an email, eg "I suggested we take the project in x direction and complete by y date. You stated that you wanted x and y instead. I'm not convinced this is a suitable way forward because xxxxx, but if you confirm this is what you want I will amend the project documents and inform stakeholders of your decision.Or something like that).

That way you have an audit trail that shows she authorised changes and becomes accountable for her decisions. It also helps your case if it all goes wrong as you've documented why you don't think it will work (and put forward a different way of achieving the projects stated outcomes).

Your manager is paid to deal with staff issues, whether B is a difficult character or not. Go back to them and ask that they involve them self in sorting this out - maybe a face to face with A&B so there is a shared understanding of who is responsible and accountable for what.

Do everything you can to resolve I formally - when that fails, raise a grievance. Please don't say you are stressed/mental health suffering/bullied unless you actually are. Doing so when you're not just makes it even harder for the genuine cases to be taken seriously. I

You need to be assertive. I'm sorry B, but as project manager I can't sign off on (X decision). If B or A make decisions without you or try and cut you out when you find out you need to be clear.. I'm sorry you didn't consult me but I am not happy for X decision for Y reason. If the decision is ok/good then say something like thank you for your initiative in dealing with X it appears to be a good decision/use of time/appropriate point. However in future can you please make sure you discuss these issues with me/involve me because as project manager I have full sight of all issues and am responsible for overall delivery. Pull A up on every mistake and if B doesn't manage her performance then take it to B's manager....OR... leave NOW (seriously or you'll cop for it when it goes it's up)

I wonder if this could be an opportunity to create a really good project spreadsheet listing tasks (especially the ones they’ve decided on) and allocating specific people (ie them) to be responsible for them and complete by xx date. They will probably cock up but your tasks will all get ticked off.

You update it every week and share it with your line manager, team, whoever needs to see how they’re cocking it up.

Thank you very much for your brilliant advice. What a depressing situation. I wish it was easier to change jobs in my field.