kids in a constant whinging/constant wanting phase ,any suggestions on how to nip it inthe bud ??

[staydazzling]

my kids are going through a noticeable stage of either constant whinging or want,want,want type mood swings, more noticeable when we go out,we have had some household disruption lately but even so im finding it difficult to think it would cause such a large change maybe im wrong. They seem to be in a wanting stage which is odd as they dont really want for anything,me and dh grew up very poor and often remind the kids of how lucky they are in comparison, they are 10 and 7, its getting very frustrating and im struggling to find an effective way to deal with it,i find it so draining.sad any advice much appreciated .

Set ground rules before you go out

If you do x y z - sit nicely at the table be pleasant to aunty etc or in the ballpark I expect you to play nicely and be kind - I will buy you a drink but you aren’t allowed to ask for sweets type thing

Then say if you winge fight or ask for sweets the answer is no, if you carry on we will leave immediately and go home

Soon stops

ive done things like that repeatedly and it seems to make little difference,although what u say is right, it usually works but this times its just not ,

Do they get pocket money? Then you could tell them they could save up for the things that they want.

not really no,thankyou ill consider that and tie it into behaviour

What do you want them to do instead of whinging? If they are whinjng to get something, I would tell them that they will not get anything by asking in that way and would model a more appropriate way of asking for something. Tell them what to say and model tone of voice. Get them to practise. Never, ever give them anything if they are whinging. I loathe whinging and the above strategy worked well for me when my dcs were younger.

If they whinge now, I tell them they are marvellously advanced and have become teenagers before they're time. I repeat what they've said, exaggerating thei whinging tone so they know what I'm talking about.. Or I congratulate them for their brilliant whinging skills and ask them to see if they can improve their whinging skills further. We then practise whinging together, again exaggerating the whinging. This usually results in them laughing, provided its done as gentle, teasing, not a bollocking.

I think the key is to let them know very clearly what counts as whinging (they may not know this unless you are very explicit), ensure there is never a payoff for whinging, explicitly teaching them what you want them to do instead of whinging and getting them to practise this new skill until they can do it appropriately.

At the moment while they are like this, make sure you don't give an inch. Be clear in your answer from the off. If they ask for something just a straight 'no' right away, don't umm and ahh or say maybe later or whatever. Just a clear firm 'no' . If they ask again, ask them what your answer was. When they repeat 'no', ask them what that means so they have to tell you it means 'no'. I always found in getting DD to repeat the no back to me during these phases, it made her acknowledge the answer and stopped the conversation in its tracks.