Why is he like this

[Frankieparis1]

I’m probably a bit too old for this group ,but I am a mum and have 3 beautiful grandchildren,just need a bit of advice really feel a bit lost today after another outburst from my husband of 31 years
I work just over 40 hours a week with little thanks from him and cherish my weekends of literally chilling at home and chatting to my daughters and grand kids
Today fathers day he flaired up with insults saying all he sees me doing is chatting to the kids and I’m to let them get on with there own life’s and leave them alone
I’m heart broken he could say such a thing I do everything for him support him with his failing business
Always sticking up for him when his rude around ours friends and family I’m now stuck in the back room with the horrid silence which will probably go on for a week why is he like this what do I do

Have you spoken to him about this?

I am sorry you find him so blunt and hurtful... but communication is key he needs to know what he said hurt ... ask him where this is come from ? Explain to him
His delivery is hurtful ... is this normal
? Is he depressed? And it takes two to fix something so you both need to be on the same page and putting the effort in x x

He wants your undivided attention from the sound of it, and is not getting it today

We had plans the girls would come down and we were taking him out I went out bought chocolates and a Father’s Day mug and after shave and in a tantrum that all got flung in spare room said he didn’t want any of it the thing is this is so predictable in a couple of days hel be all sorry
I don’t think I want to live with this anymore but feel I’m stuck with it
I’m so bloody unhappy

I work just over 40 hours a week with little thanks from him

Whys should he think you for working? Am I missing something?

I went out bought chocolates and a Father’s Day mug and after shave

Why? He isn't your father and your children are grown ups?

He runs his own business and it’s not doing too good I begged him to look for other work our rent is expensive and I’m trying to cover all the household bills I work hard but not complaining because I have a roof over our heads just really peed of I’m getting moaned at for wanting
to spend my spare time chatting to my children and chilling at home

Sorry ladies there’s a lot more to all this I just needed to get some of it of my chest sorry to bore you but thankyou for listening x

And it takes two to fix something so you both need to be on the same page and putting the effort in x x

You show an astonishing lack of awareness with this post Newmumma. Astonishing.
It does not and can not take two to fix one person's abusive behaviour.

Sorry you're having a shit time OP - has your husband always been like this or is it something new?

He's feeling inadequate, jealous and sorry for himself. There's you, working full time and bringing in money - plus you've got dgc who obviously love you and you like to spend time with them. He's got a failing business. Tell him you can't put up with his self pitying misery any more - get a job, go to the GP and get medication for depression, or get out!

You’re not boring anyone and there is no upper age limit on here, there are posters of all ages.

When you say ‘another’ outburst, how regularly does he do this?

He sounds like a twunt. Sorry but that's what it is.

Oh, and you're definitely not boring. If you can't sound off here where can you?!

Sounds like he is stressed and takes it out on you.

His mindset seems to be that if he’s miserable he’s going to drag you down with him.

Perhaps he is jealous of your easy going nature and the pleasure you get from your children and grandchildren that he somehow seems to lack feeling.

Older and grumpier is one thing but being spiteful and unsupportive is mean and cruel.

It’s possible he is keeping some problems to himself such as health worries or financial insecurity but is unable to cope with the stress so it manifests as being bad tempered and obnoxious.

Whatever his problems are it is mean and cruel to take it out on you.

Take a no nonsense approach and tell him straight that his behaviour towards you will not be tolerated and he either makes an effort to get along or you will consider moving on without him and leaving him to wallow in his curmudgeonly ways alone.

I'm so sorry you're feeling miserable. I doubt he will change, even if you do call him on his behaviour. I'd suggest you stop defending him to friends and family be honest about how this is effecting you. I know this feels disloyal but you need their support and guidance. You might be surprised at how willing they will be to listen and help. Don't let his cruel words bring you down, you sound like an amazing mum, grandma and wife. I'm not sure he deserves you.

Thankyou all I think I just needed to be listened too,you are so right I do find myself defending him a lot ,my daughter once said mum if this carries on no one will come and visit you and I feel this as happened too ,I’m gonna talk to him when I finish work it feels like his playing me off against my children I can’t do this no more it’s horrible

oneminuteandthenallgone do you feel better after those comments? OP has come on obviously upset, how about a little empathy instead of shitty comments?

Hope you're ok Frankie. Keep talking on here if it helps and maybe ask this to be moved to relationships to get more feedback and support.