Acknowledging not yet speaking toddlers feelings

[meepmoop]

Hi everyone,

Another thread on my hair pulling, object throwing toddler.

I've bought a couple of parenting books (Toddlercalm and how to talk to kids so they will listen) and they all talk about acknowledging feelings

DS has started to speak but not much. I'm just struggling with the concept of acknowledging/talking about feelings with him as he has no idea what I'm on about. I know I need to just persevere but I feel like an idiot talking about it when I'm also wrestling away from attacking another toddler

I've also tried to find an emotions board book for him with basic happy, sad faces etc but they all seemed to be aimed at older children.

Has anyone found this method worked or is it all a bit of fluff

Comprehension develops before language so (within reason) he will be able to understand more than he says.

Emotional regulation is a very difficult concept though and he is possibly a little young yet to understand true cause and effect. My DD went through a very tough phase and it was only when another child at playgroup walloped her back that the lightbulb turned on

The best thing to do is the sharp no and removal. Praise for gentle hands. Make sure he gets lots of fresh air and running around time to ensure he is tired out!

They grow out of it.

Thank you for your reply, I will keep with the sharp no and moving him away. Just seems so endless.

I'll add in emotions but don't think it'll do much

Have you tried signing at all? Helped us no end as DD could communicate much better in signing than in speaking for about 9 months in the end.

Most rage and violence seemed born of inability to communicate in our case...

I think it is mixing feelings and discipline. To self sooth as they grow it can be helpful to know how they feel and then how to respond (I’m angry I manage this by taking some deep breaths) but this is the very early stages of that of teaching them there is different feelings. They will learn it anyway, with mine I just label as we go eg, are you a bit sad, shall we have a cuddle. But I wouldn’t bother when they need discipline so hair pulling needs to be stopped and you don’t have time for explanations.

I haven't but that's a good idea. We did do sing and sign classes but I didn't keep up the signing just went for the interaction

They also can’t comprehend others feelings until a bit older so no point saying that made that other child upset as they aren’t that bothered

They definitely understand loads more than they can say. My DD doesn't talk a great deal for her age (she's 26 months), but she does understand.

I think, though, it's probably as much about tone of voice and expression as anything else, when they're tiny. So I remember doing loads of hugging DD and rambling on about 'oh, you poor love, you had a really nasty tantrum there and you're hiccuping all over me, it's tough isn't it, I hate it when I get angry too ...' just wittering on, with no real sense she'd understand much, but on the assumption she'll hear my tone of voice and get it a bit. Seems to work.

Definitely find it easier to talk about emotions just after she's had her beating-floor-with-fists stage, raging at not being allowed to do whatever bad thing it is she wants to do!

Btw, I also find it's really unpredictable what they do and don't care about on a given day. Which I suppose is just humans being humans, really, but I didn't expect it.

DD was in floods of tears the other day because her granddad said '[DD'sName] can be very naughty!' - he wasn't even talking to her and he meant it as a joke, but she heard and she was devastated and in floods of tears. Equally, she got very sad and worried the other day when I was watching a bit of Grey's and someone was crying on it.

But then again, she'll also cheerfully slap me across the face, watch the tears spring into my eyes (she has an effective roundhouse!), and giggle massively before trying to do it again.

I don't think she's even that weird. Just a toddler.