Do you praise your DH/DP for being “hands on”???

[SheWhoIs]

This is a little bit Facebook triggered but not just Fb, it irritates me in general. I have seen so many (vomit inducing) Father’s Day wishes today where the mother praises her OH for being such an excellent hands on dad. Wtf does it even mean??? Surely we don’t assume any more that parental duties are women’s job? Never seen a woman being praised for being hands on, so why do we praise men? Is it still optional for them? It’s like being grateful that the man that he “helps with housework”. For the record, I never make a big song and dance about DP doing parenting and housework. It’s his job, just as it is mine.
Rant over. Also, I’m aware it’s a very first world problem etc. But I really wanted to share my irritation with other people .

This isn't AIBU but YADNBU!!

You are so right, it should just be normal and expected. BUT sadly there are many men who are awol or are present but don't help with anything. So it makes people grateful they have a hands on dad for their kids.

YABU! There are too many shit parents of both genders out there - anyone celebrating an excellent partner/ parent is a positive thing and if you aren’t happy for other people just move on and ignore their posts.

My mum said earlier on today that my DH was really hands on...

I replied that I fully expected him to be! My BIL isn't at all hands on, and as the children are getting older, the difference between both DM's Sons in Law is more evident.

So no. I don't praise DH for being hands on. I wouldn't have had children with him if I thought he'd need a round of applause for wiping a bum

No, but I tell him and others how much I appreciate him as he does me. It isn't necessarily for being hands on as ours are mostly grown ups now. He was when they were kids though.
I just think it's nice to show and tell your spouse how much you appreciate them.

YADNBU - it drives me mad too.

A woman would never be described as hands on regardless of how much she did. It's patriarchal bullshit.

My mum often says to me/others how wonderful my DH is and how he's such a great dad because he does 80% of the nursery runs and is 50/50 in everything else household/kids related. He is bloody wonderful but for lots of reasons, not because he does his fair share of running the household. Thinking a man is great for parenting his child is a very low standard to have.

I pity your relationship OP, sounds like neither of you show appreciation.

So no. I don't praise DH for being hands on. I wouldn't have had children with him if I thought he'd need a round of applause for wiping a bum 
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^ this 100%! So many women seem to willingly marry/have children with an incompetent manchild who they praise for parenting their child in any way at all

I agree with Romany it's nice to say you appreciate everything they do as is the other way round.
However I would say to others how much I'm appreciative of him if it's part of a conversation and more importantly I'd tell him but I don't like fb statuses. They are look at me not a thank you.

OP isn't saying there's no appreciation in their relationship, people seem to be missing the point.

A man shouldn't be praised for 'helping with housework' because a woman wouldn't be. Same as a woman wouldn't be described as 'hands on'. It's seen as a given that a woman is involved with her children and running a house and receives no recognition for this whereas a man does.

Ok, point taken CookPassBabtridge and Cloudyyy. I can see this perspective.
RomanyQueen my relationship is fine, thank you. He knows he makes the best lasagna in the world and nobody cleans the bathroom like he does (which is actually true). But I do not praise him for spending time with his own DC.

PolarBearBubbles thank you for this! This is exactly my point!!!!

I tell my husband I think he's an excellent dad, as he tells me he thinks I'm an awesome mum. But I expect him to parent jointly, as we both decided to have a baby! I have been known to say in the past - in response to women gushing about how lucky I am to have him - that he's lucky to have us!

I remember one time we were out, and he got up to change a nappy, and half the women in the restaurant practically came over all faint. Strangely I've never had that reaction to me changing a nappy before 🤔

Ok, point taken OP, it sounded like you didn't and I always think it's such a shame when couples don't.
I most certainly agree with you about the kids, they shouldn't be thanked as such for just being a parent.
In general though I've let mine know that I think he's a brilliant Dad.
I wouldn't put it on fb though and tell him often, not just because Hallmark says we do.

No because there’s no way I’d get the same ‘praise’ as a Mother. It’s just called parenting, there’s no such thing as being hands on.