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Original poster

Do long term fostered children ever get returned to their parents?

61 replies

BadgerBadgerMushroom · 16/06/2019 14:48

I posted this in fostering but thought there might be a bit more traffic here today. I wondered if anyone knew how likely it would be that a child in long term foster care for 7 years would be returned to their parents after all that time. Is it a complicated process? Does it happen often? My step children's mum has recently met a partner who states they are getting their child back after that long and I would like to understand the process a bit more. Thanks for any help or advice. :)

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 16/06/2019 16:28

Presume your dh has residence, don't let children go anywhere without court say so. Has she previously had them overnight? If not just don't extend. If so I would stop till new partner is checked out. What do the kids want? Why does she suddenly want them now, it will be enough to settle in the partners kid. Where is her mum? Who is parent looking after the kid who has social work support?
Keep status quo, don't let them be upset for no reason. Look after yourself too

Original poster
BadgerBadgerMushroom · 16/06/2019 16:30

@gothamgirl the childrens mum is adamant that the partner is safe. She said that if she sees the children the new partner will be there too and refuses to see them without the bee partner. Would we be unreasonable to stop contact based on our safeguarding concerns? We just want to make sure we are doing the right thing. My gut instinct is I'd rather deal with the fallout of an angry mum than something happen to the children because we were trying to reason with her even though she is ignoring safeguarding advice. I'm so sorry to drag you into my complicated life lol.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 16/06/2019 16:34

If social services have said that they must not be left alone with the new partner and you cannot be sure that that won’t happen with overnight contact then you should definitely stop contact or else you run the risk that your step children also end up in foster care

Is there a way that contact can happen without that risk? Contact centre?

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GothamGirl · 16/06/2019 16:36

No you would not be unreasonable to stop contact if there are safeguarding concerns. You absolutely must better a angry mother than a child placed in harms way.

No worries I have a complicated life too Smile

darkriver19886 · 16/06/2019 16:37

@badgerbadgermushroom
I am very suspicious that the other parent won't share the reasons. I am a birth parent whos children are adopted. It's extremely odd that he is clamming up.

Most birth parents are quick to blame social services for there own failings. Also the fact that the foster placement is so far away says something else.

It sounds like the mum has fed into the lies.

steppemum · 16/06/2019 16:41

I know of a similar. Mum had a new partner. There were safeguarding concerns. Mum said partner would be present during visits.
dad stopped contact and went to SS and then to court. Contact stopped until Mum split up with the patner.

You must listen to the safeguarding team, if you don't YOU and their Dad then become a risk, as you are allowing them to meet with someon who is a known risk.

titchy · 16/06/2019 16:43

I feel that if me and the DP could sit and talk to them about it we might feel reassured

Eh? Are you really suggesting that if you chatted about it with them and felt reassured then you'd let your SC stay with them?

You have been told in no uncertain terms NOT to let them stay - your feelings of reassurance are irrelevant. Keep them away from him.

steppemum · 16/06/2019 17:05

I feel that if me and the DP could sit and talk to them about it we might feel reassured

I'm hoping you mean talk to SS and not to the Mum and her partner.

ThePurpleHeffalump · 16/06/2019 17:07

How old are your stepchildren?

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2019 17:15

I also think you need to listen to what you've been told. If they have said the kids can never be alone with him, then contact has to stop until this can be assured.

If the mother has an issue with it, tell her to take it up with the safeguarding team.

If they are saying this though I doubt thr kid is coming out of care.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 16/06/2019 17:19

The safeguarding team would say this based on the risk factors of the partner not just because thy have a child in care. If you fail to follow this advise and your step children are put at risk then they maybe removed from your care.

Original poster
BadgerBadgerMushroom · 16/06/2019 18:44

@titchy and @steppemum I meant social services but I know that they can't actually go into details so not sure what help it would be. Talking to the kids mum won't help us at all.

Thank you everyone who has messaged. You have pretty much secured our gut feeling. Any advice about what we do next? Safeguarding have told us the partner isn't safe...we can't guarantee mum will keep the children away from new partner...so we stop all contact? Can we back that up in any way with any agency or is it just us messaging and saying this is what will happen and explain our reasons.

OP posts:
nickymanchester · 16/06/2019 19:01

Alternatives to no contact would be to use a Contact Centre - although there is a cost attached to that - or have you or your DP present at all times during contact.

However, I think it's likely that DP's ex probably won't agree to either of those.

steppemum · 16/06/2019 19:56

I think you need to phone SS. Do the kids have a social worker? If so phone her, and say that mum won't see kids without partner present and you are concerned. Say that you have been advised to not allow partner contact and ask for advice.
Involve professionals, so you are not being the badies.

IM0GEN · 16/06/2019 20:03

Listen to the safeguarding team. Do NOT rely of anything else, such as getting an explanation from your step children's mum or meeting you with her new partner.

Original poster
BadgerBadgerMushroom · 16/06/2019 20:38

@Steppemum nope no social worker but I do feel that contacting social services would be a good idea. It would just be nice to have some backing behind us. She is threatening to take us back to court for full custody so that makes it all more complicated.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone. Hopefully it will be resolved soon.

OP posts:
Ted27 · 16/06/2019 20:56

Is the Safeguarding Hub not part of social services ? Did they approach you to tell you or did you ask them for advice on a general basis.
The reason I ask is that I think at the moment there is a difference between a safeguarding caseworker making contact with you because their is a specific concern about this man and there is therefore concern about the children, and you approaching them because of something you have heard.
If a caseworker has told you specifically that the children should not be left with this man, then I would have thought their mother has been told the same thing.
But to be honest, let her threaten to take you to court . Women in that situation rarely have the capacity to take legal action and in any case its hardly a quick process.
Stand your ground, if she won't comply and you can't trust her to comply , then she doesnt get to see them

Original poster
BadgerBadgerMushroom · 16/06/2019 21:48

@Ted27 we logged a concern about the new partner as the kids mum had told us she was taking us to court and wanted the children back full time. We wanted to go to court in the know so made the call.

We made the suggestion of supervised contact and she's refused so least that's one option ticked off. We just want what's best for the kids.

OP posts:
PonderingPanda · 18/06/2019 21:41

Excuse my ignorance. How do you log a concern and who too? I can understand it if you had SW involvement as you'd discuss it with them, but you said you don't

Original poster
BadgerBadgerMushroom · 23/06/2019 11:33

@ponderingpanda it is the local council safeguarding team. I don't know if it varies across the country but ours is called mash. Anyone can phone with concerns...hospitals, schools, next door neighbours, friends of the family. New safeguarding guidance says that everyone is responsible for keeping children safe.

Just as an update we now have conflicting advice from the Safeguarding hub and SS and a very angry mum. But we know we have done the right thing. Better to be overcautious than under at this stage. Thanks for everyone's advice :)

OP posts:
KindergartenKop · 23/06/2019 13:38

Maybe the new partner is spouting BS based on his wishful thinking?

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2019 13:45

If safeguarding have said no contact with mums new partner then I really don't think you need to worry about her going to court. Listen to the safeguarding advice

NeverTwerkNaked · 23/06/2019 13:46

What do the children want to happen and how old are thry?

notapizzaeater · 23/06/2019 13:51

If you hadn't listened to SS then you would have been in the wrong, I'd rather keep them in side tbh. Can you do a Sarah's law application ? It would give you some more evidence. Does mum on,y want these children back mow new partner is on the scene - that would be a huge flag for me.

ralphfromlordoftheflies · 23/06/2019 13:58

I am a child protection and court social worker.

The threshold for removing a child from their parent or parents is extremely high. It's not possible for this to happen because a social worker has been 'too harsh'. The full care order is granted by a Judge, with the endorsement of CAFCASS and and independent reviewing officer. Whatever this man did to his child, he had the opportunity when court proceedings were taking place to evidence that he had changed, and failed.

It is unusual for a child to return home after being made subject to a full care order. As other posters have said, this would ordinarily only happen once the child was 16-18 and voting with their feet. If his contact is only a few times a year there's no way the child's social worker is planning for rehabilitation home. If they were, contact would be much more frequent. Lots of parents tell people they are 'getting the kids back' when this isn't the case.

Your step children's mother sounds awful. Not protective, prioritising her new partner over her children, and blindly believing he is a safe person. She isn't safe enough to supervise him as she doesn't believe he poses any potential risk of harm.

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