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Original poster

How to answer people who ask if you want kids when you can't

17 replies

claret3189 · 16/06/2019 13:45

Long story short we tried ivf got pregnant and lost the baby. I don't think i want to go through it all again and the more people pressure me tge more they push me away.
When i say i dont wabt to do it again they always say ill regret it etc. I really dont feel i will regret it. We have been trying 9 years and its not meant to be. I feel quite low when people question my decisions i know they probably think they are helping but it makes me feel worse. How would you respond? Also we are open to adoption but again further into the future

OP posts:
VodselForDinner · 16/06/2019 13:48

“That’s a really personal question. Why do you want to know?” usually shuts them up sharpish.

I find “anyway, enough about my sex life, how’s everything with you and Henry between the sheets? Is he still able to get it up?” also does the job if you’ll feeling a bit less tolerant.

Runmoreorless · 16/06/2019 13:48

I think it depends who they are. For most, telling them to mind their ow and business seems like a good response. For people you are close to and who are genuinely concerned for you, explaining what you've said here and then asking them to respect your difficult decision seems suitable.

WineGummyBear · 16/06/2019 13:49

I once saw this question very effectively shut down with a breezy ' kids? I hear they cut I to your Saturdays'

Sorry you are going through this OP. It's horrible enough anyway without stupid insensitive prying and interfering. It's also so fucking sexist. Men don't have to put up with this shit.

Original poster
claret3189 · 16/06/2019 13:49

Haha good answer. We had atarted taking the blunt approach of we cant have children. Their attitude changes but then they start saying oh theres all sorts which can be done these days. Rolling eyes time

OP posts:
Biscuitsneeded · 16/06/2019 13:52

"Yes we did want them, unfortunately it hasn't been possible, but it's not something I want to talk about much at the moment thanks".

Is this to people who don't know the back story and just don't think before asking, or to people who know the story and think you should be trying IVF again (who should frankly butt out because only you can decide whether you want to put yourself through that).

TeaForTheWin · 16/06/2019 13:52

I would just casually say 'It's a touchy subject so lets not discuss it'.

If they still pursue the topic after that, you'll know they are the sort of people you shouldn't surround yourself with.

Bluerussian · 16/06/2019 13:58

What VodselForDinner said. People really should not ask such questions.

notacooldad · 16/06/2019 14:03

When we had new starts in the office and everyone was getting to know each other, if anyone asked my boss if she had children she replied 'we were never blessed with them' l know some people on here would object to that but it is a neat statement and people never pursued the conversation any further.

Original poster
claret3189 · 16/06/2019 16:01

Thanks everyone. It is shocking how many people around us are forcing the opinion we should try again. Hopefully they will start to not ask. Its also crazy once you are married how kids is the next assumption. Especially with how times have changed. Some people simply don't want children either

OP posts:
Mammajay · 16/06/2019 16:23

Just say " I don't want to talk about it but thanks for your interest "

Herewegoagain123 · 16/06/2019 16:28

It’s bloody hard. I only had one round of failed IVF but faced years of questions about whether I wanted kids or not. Thankfully I’m old enough now not to be asked. There is no easy answer. I felt telling the truth led to embarrassment on both sides, I can’t be rude in real life, and trying to brush it off meant the more persistent dug deeper. Sorry not much advice but hope you find a solution that works for you.

Original poster
claret3189 · 16/06/2019 21:31

Thanks all it definately is hard.

OP posts:
Likethebattle · 29/06/2019 16:16

We tried and it just didn’t happen. Is just my stock response.

Grumpbum123 · 29/06/2019 16:18

When we were having problems I used to just say ‘nosey for a cabbage’ and moved on

7salmonswimming · 29/06/2019 16:26

When I was too young and stupid to know better than to ask this question, I was once treated to a withering raised eyebrow. I’ll never forget it Blush Lesson I’ve never forgotten

NeverSayFreelance · 29/06/2019 16:35

You tell them, with the greatest of respect, to fuck off.

I don't want children, and that elicits the same responses of "you'll regret it" and "the clock is ticking!" It's a horrible personal topic and it's completely off for anyone to question you about it.

Tell them it's an inappropriate question and you will not be discussing it.

whitehalleve · 29/06/2019 16:43

I agree with those who have suggested just saying ' I don't want to talk about it'

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