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Original poster

Anyone else feel like they are just holding on?

22 replies

jennymanara · 16/06/2019 08:15

I am so tired, I really want a day of doing absolutely nothing. Instead I have been up early cleaning as we have friends coming over. Just got to hoover now. Busy day yesterday working and taking the eldest to a hospital appointment. I have so much "life admin" to do.
To the outside we probably look fine. Everyone fed from made from scratch meals, we have days out, everyone is clean and reasonably dressed, house is always okayish. But in reality both DP and I feel we barely hang in. It just seems such a slog.

OP posts:
QuickQuestion2019 · 16/06/2019 08:17

Well yes, but I'm a full time working widowed parent to smalls.

With a supportive partner you could probably make changes to stop felling like this. How many kids? Do you both work?

Original poster
jennymanara · 16/06/2019 08:20

We both work. I think the issue is that my DP is disabled and physically can not do some things. He is supportive and does what he can. Two kids.

OP posts:
Rosie2000 · 16/06/2019 08:27

Yes, single parent, 4 kids, work full time in demanding job. All responsibility for everything falls to me, I try not to think about it Sad

DuggeesWoggle · 16/06/2019 08:35

I'm not going to say 'get a cleaner' but if they are your friends does your house need to be spotless before they come? My house is often a bit messy but as long as I keep surfaces and tables clean I just can't worry too much about the rest and my friends still come and see me. With a small child, it's like painting the forth bridge anyway, as soon as it's tidy it gets messy again.

Some people manage to 'do it all' and have the perfect house, meals, kids etc as well as holding down a job and good for them (my oldest friend is one of these people) but there's really no shame in saying 'that's not me' and doing what you can.

I always think if I have a clean bathroom and a clean kitchen then the rest doesn't matter so much.

Original poster
jennymanara · 16/06/2019 08:51

I have a close friend who sees the house as it is. These are not close friends so I do feel more the house needs to be okay.
I do think sometimes that I set myself too high standards. I have one friend, a couple who run their own business, have a beautiful house and garden (our garden is a mess), socialise loads, do lots of exercise, etc. I feel like a slob in comparison.

OP posts:
Original poster
jennymanara · 16/06/2019 08:57

Rosie That sounds tough.

There are so many things I wish someone could come and sort out for me. Lots of small DIY jobs that DP physically can not do. Boxes in the garage of a parent who died last year that still need sorting through.
I think I am just exhausted.

OP posts:
EmperorBallpitine · 16/06/2019 09:01

Definitely don't compare! I have realized my friends with a so called perfect life are also unhappy in their own ways. Perfectionism and being tired are a very depressing combo.
I am not totally well and not working at the moment, my dh doesn't really do much around the house. I'm just trying to enjoy life and make sure the kids have what they need. We got a cleaner which seems outrageous considering I am off, but its really helped.

EmperorBallpitine · 16/06/2019 09:03

My dh never does any diy. Some people just don't know how, his being disabled notwithstanding.

MrsBlondie · 16/06/2019 09:05

Yes barely hanging in. Both work FT wjth 2 kids. One of whom is a very challenging teenager.

Original poster
jennymanara · 16/06/2019 09:06

I am getting over a chest infection, still on antibiotics, so that won't help either.
Oh well, got to go and have a shower now and get changed. I have been doing the housework in my pyjamas.

OP posts:
JMAngel1 · 16/06/2019 09:08

Why don't you cancel lunch - small white lie of a D&V bug or something and do nothing - don't take too much on, say no more, less invites until you feel back on even keel. Use today to recharge batteries - entertaining is exhausting. Go on, pick up the phone.

JMAngel1 · 16/06/2019 09:09

Bloody hell and a chest infection - no, just no. Back to bed or the sofa!

ssd · 16/06/2019 09:09

It's exhausting and a grind. I agree.

Balula · 16/06/2019 09:10

Me, I am barely hanging on by a thread, waiting for a waft if something to push me over the edge, it's exhausting and I want it all to just stop.

EssentialHummus · 16/06/2019 09:13

Lower your standards a bit, imo. A few easy meals instead of things from scratch, fewer days out (stay at home/go to the park/whatever instead). Sounds very tough, save your energy when you can.

ssd · 16/06/2019 09:26

I compare myself to others too, and there's always one perfect family that makes you feel like shit..... Until you remember the mum never works, dad warns a packet and they want for nothing, gran has always lived round the corner and been fully supportive, whilst you've struggled by with zero help, min wage and a shitty part time job that fits round the family but destroys your soul.

Or maybe that's just me.

Original poster
jennymanara · 16/06/2019 10:42

Oh well they are running late. The bottom half of the house is clean and I finished all the ironing for the week too. DP is doing a bit of cleaning upstairs. We are all showered and dressed okay, and ready for them. Thankfully we are going out for lunch - to a place that isn't great for food but great for kids, but it will be easy. I had thought of offering to cook originally, but thankfully DP said don't be daft before I had made the offer.
And I do think some people are just better at being organised and have more energy. They probably don't spend any time on MN for a start!
Our house is normally cleaner, but with my chest infection I have been doing the bare minimum after coming in from work at night. So the bathroom upstairs needs a good clean, and everywhere needs dusted, but its not too bad. DP is putting away all the washed and ironed clothes, so it will be reasonably tidy.
I don't want to cancel lunch, I will actually enjoy it. Kids will entertain themselves and I am planning on some red wine.

OP posts:
ssd · 16/06/2019 10:50

I still think you're doing too much, both of you. Why have them round at all why not mean them in the lunch place?
Give yourself a break, you don't get a prize for being perfect.

Original poster
jennymanara · 16/06/2019 10:55

Yes we could have met them in the lunch place. But the house needed cleaning anyway. This just gave us the push to sort it.
Although they suggested meeting at our house and I just agreed.

OP posts:
HeyHeyMckenzie · 16/06/2019 11:09

I thought for a long time that i was just hanging on too. Working full time, single parent of 3. Life felt chaotic and unplanned and everything I NEEDED to do seemed just too much. And then i stopped comparing myself to everyone else and realised that I have a fantastic life, if i just let go of the "stuff" and only did what was absolutely necessary. 3 clean, well fed, happy kids with friends and a few activities. House that needs a bit of work doing to it but is mainly up together. And me, a mum who could do with a bit more exercise and more time to spend on interacting with said kids but whom still manages to see friends a couple of times a month when they are their dads.

Perfectionism is a burden, let yourself take the easy road sometimes- it's made for a much happier place here.

Enjoy your time with friends today though- and hope you feel better soon Flowers

ssd · 16/06/2019 16:26

Could you afford a cleaner even a couple of hours a week?

ssd · 16/06/2019 16:28

I know that's the mn one size fits all but in your case I'd say if you could stretch to it I'd go for it.

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