Ashes. Where would you get yours scattered?

[Miljah]

Feeling a bit maudlin tonight.

Somewhere in my house I have half my dad's ashes, RIP 10 years ago, and all of mum's (3 years ago). The other half of dad's are on a Cornish beach where he grew up, scattered 7-8 years ago.

But, like so many, 'we' don't have 'a home'. My parents were west of England, tho 50 miles apart ; my DH's were Queenslanders, with their ashes in neat boxes in a memorial wall in the local crem to where they lived for 40 plus years.

My parents lived in rural Wilts for 45-50 years, but I never felt, nor do feel that the local church, despite DH and I getting married there, but with my family's scant attendance,or involvement by my family (I was the one in the choir!)- would be appropriate. Tho mum loved the peace of the church yard.

What do I do with their ashes, that I will mix? I am thinking half on mum's parents' grave in rural north Devon- or Boscastle, her ancestral home?; is that appropriate for dad? Being his in-laws grave? Half carefully on dad's dad's grave? Avoiding his second wife? 🙄😊 Yet some on his mother's grave who died when he was six. Not appropriate for mum?

I am overthinking this. I need one of those companies that make rockets to shoot your ashes into space, don't I?

For the record, I have many friends (we're mid 50s) who did the churchyard burial in their 'home' village for parents who no longer have any ties with that village apart from mum's grave ☹️.

Sorry to be so negative, but you should really not, ever, ever scatter ashes. They are carcinogenic, terrible for the environment and the authorities absolutely loathe it and you can get into trouble if you're caught in the act. I'm very surprised that the crematoria haven't warned about this.

Scattering ashes is really awful. Bury the ashes if you are allowed at the places you mention. That would be my suggestion.

I’m not being cremated, just buried in DH’s grave in our village churchyard.
But does it really matter at all, OP? Ashes or bodies are not the person you loved, just their mortal remains, which their soul has sloughed off and left. Your parents are safe with God, and you’ll be reunited in due course.
The only consideration with scattering ashes should be to avoid pollution or environmental damage - so avoid mountain tops, where the phosphate rich ash damages fragile alpine plants for example.

My ashes and my DHs will be mixed and scattered over our favourite walk in Cholsey

Wherever my three dcs wanted, it wouldn't bother me if they were in the wheelie bin but obviously dcs don't know that.

I know people scatter ashes where you like but for example in the lakes ashes kill the local flora. You need permission to scatter ashes as I found out recently. We opted for a paid registered site as to not affect the environment

the authorities absolutely loathe it and you can get into trouble if you're caught in the act

Not the case in the UK. You need the landowners permission, but if scattering into a river or sea, you don't need permission. The law here is fairly relaxed.

You do need to check with the Environment Agency before scattering ashes in the river or at the coast

My dad's ashes went into fireworks

@AndNoneForGretchenWieners that is hardly the point is it? It doesn't matter that we treat the environment, our coastal waters like shit? Just to dump a load of toxic ashes in it for our own sentimentality? Wtaf.

Seriously people stop dumping your ashes. There are beautiful places to have them buried, officially, where you can go, think of them and know that they are at peace.

The point I was making was that you are factually incorrect. There's no need for such aggression.

Half of mine on a very windy beach with the best childhood summer memories... the other half in far-off exotic land of orchids, pinky-golden sunsets and my ancestral home - in my mind a shangri-la of happy childhood memories with my grandma... (i guess i'll be posted in box to one of the younger relatives)

Nasty and aggressive post. Especially when you are talking about the loss of loved one. I will be scattered on my favourite walk.

I want to be scattered at Avebury stone circle ❤️❤️

My relatives have instructions to put my ashes straight into the dustbin - I don't want a funeral, either. I don't really understand why people attach significance to ashes, or to graves if a person is buried. The person lives on in your memories, it shouldn't matter what happens to their physical remains. So, I don't think you should over-think this, OP.

In Great Langdale. If someone would like to carry me up to Pavey Ark that would be great, but the fields at the top of the valley floor will be fine.

My Dad's ashes were scattered at Trent Bridge cricket ground (with their permission of course!) He was a lifelong cricket fan and had been a season ticket holder at Trent Bridge for many years. Mum's ashes were scattered in the grounds of the crematorium which I only found out about when I asked Dad what we should do with them, it was already too late

I have a favourite beach. It’s in Cyprus, turtles nest there and it’s simply the most wonderful place ever. No idea how that would be achieved - can you carry ashes on a plane?

I would prefer a woodland burial but if it were ashes probably with my Fistborns grave.

We went to the Angel of the North a while ago and it's hard not to miss stepping on ashes...I found it unerving. There should definitely be something more formal provided rather than random ashes in the undergrowth

French My step-MIL took some of her husbands ashes to Rhodes. Whether she told anyone or just stashed them in her case I dont know

My mum had a place and that’s where we scattered them. I often run wuth the club past the place and i often think what she’d think of me now running past with sweaty men in lycra!

Dad’s will be scattered at the same place too.

Mine will be split between home, a local mountain, and more mountains. DH will have to walk up each, and he doesn’t know that yet.

can you carry ashes on a plane?
DDad tried to take his mum’s ashes back to where she was from (she came to the UK for the last few years of her life) . They were in his hand luggage, when he was by the security people told that he couldn’t just let do that he said “ but i’ve got her passport”.

This was 1980. I have no idea of current regulations.

Why would you want to cover a beautiful turtle-nesting beach in polluting ash?

@lottiegarbanzo 👏👏👏👏