One more child or time to focus on career?

[iwillnotletyouknow]

Have NC'd because I'm prepared to get flamed for this.

To set the scene:

22, married with two DC (2&4week old).

I've decided, finally, what I want to do with the rest of my life. To get to that career, I'd need to do a year at college and then a three year degree with a 4 hour commute each day (there's no way around this and please don't bring this up as that's not really relevant, I've looked into every option but it's the only feasible one). Due to the college year and to get a bit of money to save, I would be starting September 2022.

However, I do have a desire for another child. I know I don't need one, however that doesn't take away the desire. The only thing is, if I decided, I wouldn't want to leave it longer than a year/year and a half to get pregnant. This is due to the fact that I hate the idea of getting both DC's into school and then having to repeat the whole process. I'd rather just get the whole baby/toddler stage out of the way now rather than finally getting them into school and doing it all over again.

I'm not sure how a third child would impact my option for a career or if it would at all. The only thing is I'd be delaying it for about another five years. I know I'm young and will probably be working for another 40/45 years at least, however I'm worried if the circumstances change too much then it wouldn't be feasible.

DH is, and will be for the foreseeable future, a SAHD, so childcare shouldn't be an issue in terms of me studying etc.

My head is just a mess right now. I want another child but I want this career too. I don't know which one to go for

Bump

If you really want another child have one and then get your degree?

Well if your dh is going to be a sahd then where is your income coming from? Based on that I would say go for your career plus 2 kids is enough for anyone in my opinion 🤷‍♀️

You don’t need to decide yet. Just mull it over for a while.

I know I have time to decide but just want to prepare for what decision I make. Re DH being a SAHD- I work (or will when my mat leave finishes). If I stopped, I'd have to see if student loans could cover our outgoings. I wouldn't have to pay uni fees as such (Scotland) but the cost of petrol will be enormous for the commute and other things.

Maybe now is not the best time to decide?

Personally I would say that a degree course and commuting will be a massive commitment even if your DH is sahd. Having another child will make it harder...

How about you enrol on the one year college course and get that qualification under your belt, then see how you feel then? You will probably have a stronger sense of what you’d like to do next - baby or degree. I do think though that ur would be more challenging to start this education/training with three young children.

@anothercuppaforme I did think of that but I'd need to give my job up for it and I don't want the worry of having to find another one after (we live very rurally) if I then decided to have a baby instead.

Personally I’ve always thought 2 is max if you want a career. Yes there are famous women with 4 kids, with a nanny etc but I suspect they established their career beforehand.
I have 2 dc, both school age now, but they do take a lot of emotional and physical energy as well as time with the logistics of different activities (and they only have 2 each). The cost only grows as they got older too.

You’re very young to have 2 children and you’ll have plenty of time to have another 1 or 2 in the future.

@Taswama see that's exactly what I thought- it seems like it'd be so much harder to do it with three.

Your baby is only 4 weeks old, enjoy the moment rather than battling hormones and trying to decide on the rest of your life?

If you don't need to live where you do (and it doesn't sound like you do) then I'd move. Seriously, choosing to live rurally is an expensive luxury and is a pain in the arse when your kids get older. Move to the arse end of beyond when you're old