Is it ever ok for ExH not to pay for his children?

[1WayOrAnother]

ExH is claiming he can't pay for his children because he's on a low income. I earn £41000, he earns approx £23000. As part of the divorce settlement he is trying to get me to sign something that says he doesn't have to pay for his children because of the disparity between our incomes. My argument is that my life would be much less stressful if I went down to 3 or 4 days per week, if I did that our incomes wouldn't be that far apart . I have to pay all childcare for me to work full time, these costs would obviously reduce if I dropped my hours and my kids would be happier with me being around more (although perhaps not if I couldn't afford to do anything nice with them). Can he get away with not paying? My solicitor reclons not but i dont want a prolonged legal battle if theres a chance he won't have to pay anyway. I feel like I'm working full time in a stressful job and he's getting the financial benefit, not the kids or me.

No need for a legal battle, courts don't do child maintenance these days. Straight to the Child Maintenance Service.

Of course not! Go to CMS. Twat! Him, not you.

You can go to CMS to get the legal minimum until the divorce is settled - he CAN'T pay less than that, but the court can award more.

Just wondered if anyone has experienced anything similar.

Morally, no of course not. What kind of pond scum tries to weasel out of paying anything at all to support his children? How can he have any self respect at all?

Obviously the exception being if they live with him 50%, but that doesn't sound like the case here.

Sorry! Cross post. Thanks for your responses. He hasn't paid anything since December, I haven't wanted to chase him because I didn't want to annoy him any further before the divorce goes through. He is a very difficult man!

Nope he can't. My exh was OUTRAGED that my income wasn't taken into account. I earn 45k and him 55k so he felt I should have £250 not the £530 the calculated stated. I went via the CMS and got full payment. He still hates me for it, thinks I'm a money grabbing cow. What he fails to remember is that he sees his 2 dc 2 days out of 14, doesn't have to house them (moved in with his now wife who already had her own place). I never ask him for another penny either.

He has them alternate weekends, picks them up at 7.45 on a Friday and they come back around 4.30 Sunday plus Tuesday evening for about 3 hours. They eat here Fridays & always come back starving on a Tuesday. He claims poverty as the reason for not feeding then.

He is taking the piss .

He is on £23,000 not minimum wage .

The reality is though you also never knows what the future holds . You may not be able to work, may need to work reduced hours for many reasons . I know someone been made redundant in an industry it never used to happen.

I would say while I am sure he is a difficult man don’t allow his behaviour to get what you are entitled to as well as your dd

I feel your pain bored . My ex can't seem to get past the fact that I am financially better off than him despite his situation being due to his own shortcomings. He used to earn a good wage but was sacked because of his own behaviour in the workplace

Go to CMS. He can always take them 50% of the time and then not pay anything if he would prefer.

No he will have to pay through CMS if it cant be agreed. But in your situation I'd not make a change to a situation where you are relying on his payments as his reluctance is likely to mean he wont be great at paying regularly- even through the CMS

Thanks stripey . I'm not reliant in him for the household basics but DD starts high school in September & I'm struggling to afford uniform & am also aware of the impending costs of luncyes busses etc. If I dropped hours at work I would be reliant onbhim thpugh so I'm reluctant to go down that road, even though I currently find my job extremely stressful

Lunches!

Never Okay and I say that as someone who earns 130K and my ExH is on benefits. I have the CMS chase him up every time he stops paying as it is the principal they are his DC too and he should contribute to their care ( he has only daytime contact due to his behaviour).

He earns more than enough to contribute to the children he chose to have.

Isn’t £23k close to the national average salary anyway?

It’s never ok to not pay for your children (and if he genuinely had no job so no money, he could do childcare instead or contribute in another way).

Surely his payments are calculated on his income not yours and so the disparity of incomes is irrelevant .... this is about what HE should be contributing to the upbringing of his children .....

I earned a significant amount more than my ex when we split and he was earning £23,000 - he wanted me to pay towards his living expenses every month as he felt it wasn’t fair that he lost the standard of living when we split and so to keep the peace I have never taken money from him for the kids, even though he now earns over £30k. If he can live with himself knowing he’s a shirker that’s his issue ..... but the difference is i am lucky enough to be able to afford it on my own; in your situation I’d pursue him through the CMS, your kids should be supported by him

Good luck ....

Thanks. I guess he's still bullying me, like he did throughout our relationship. I have always backed down to prevent a fight (well, usually. Not every time)

YANBU Of course it’s not ok

You have to manage on the money you have and he has to manage on the money he has neither of you get a higher wage because you have children and you both have the responsibility to care for them

I am astounded by how little some nrp’s (usually fathers) pay and how many people think it’s fair they pay so little and they are applauded when they pay the correct amount