Don’t know how to approach nightmare family members..

[Goingcraaazy]

My partner and I are getting married at the end of this year. We were supposed to be having the big fancy wedding next year however due to some money issues and family members trying to make the important decisions we have decided to go away ourselves with our mums and dads only.

We have explained this to other family members who seemed abit gutted at first but told us they completely understand why we are doing it.

Over the past few weeks we have found out from another family member that 2 of partners aunts, a cousin and his grandmother have been sitting crying about how they are distraught, how we are selfish and that we aren’t thinking about anyone else.

I feel this is abit harsh considering many of the reasons for us changing our wedding is because they have been a total nightmare. For example - trying to book the same make up artist as me for the wedding when I told them I specifically wanted her, looking at my wedding dress when we had left them in the house, and many more!

How would you approach this conversation?

I will also add that we are having a big party at a very nice hotel a few weeks after the wedding for all of our family and friends to come to so we can celebrate with them but they still aren’t happy.

I wouldn't do anything. Just ignore. You've told them what is happening, if they haven't complained to you just do nothing.

But we have been made aware we are being selfish and aren’t thinking of other people. I would struggle to sit in a room with someone knowing they have said that about me without putting my point across

I wouldn't be having any conversation. Just crack on with your plans and ignore them.

If you must put your point across then you could write to them all. Put your points down factually and without emotion then say that is the end of that matter as far as you are concerned.

I'd suggest reducing your involvement with them. You all seem to know a lot about each other - back off and live your life without telling them everything you are doing. Regarding your wedding - stop talking about it and stop listening to gossip from others about what they think. And stop leaving people in your house so they can snoop around. You all sound like you are unhealthily close to each other.

Just ignore it and tell the messengers that you're not interested. The wedding abroad is what's happening because that's what you want. It's not about what they want, so they'll just have to get over it.
Stop being manipulated by them.

It's you who is getting married so you should decide how to do it. You're not being selfish at all so don't let anyone guilt trip you. Anyway you're going to have a celebratory party in a hotel later on so what's the problem? Maybe if people hadn't poked their noses in earlier you'd still be having a big wedding.

I wouldn’t approach it at all. You don’t owe anyone a justification for having the wedding you want. If they bring it up in your presence you say “I’m aware of your opinion, thanks” and then change the subject. Don’t be drawn into discussion and trying to defend your decision.

I’m just the type that struggles to ignore something that someone has said about me

The family are unhealthily close. My partners family is small and as his aunts looked after him a lot as a child this entitled them to be at his wedding that is for immediate family only. There’s a lot of gossiping going on in their small family.

Exactly I don’t understand what the problem is when we are giving them a party afterwards!

My mums family is a really gossipy, and bitchy, family. I’ve learned just to let it roll off my back. I do whatever I planned and they can all get their knickers in a twist and whinge as much as they like, but I please myself, not them. They gossip and whinge regardless, about everything. It’s actually not even about me. It’s just who they are. They’ve been doing it all their lives, they don’t know it’s possible to just be happy without gurning.

How to approach nightmare future in laws.

Don't.

They're accusing you of everything they're doing.

Drama llamas need to pull people in for there to be an audience. Don't be pulled in.

Tell the messenger that this is exactly the sort of behaviour that made you change your plans, and only convinces you further that you have made the right decision. Then point out that unless they want to cause a permenant rift it is best if no more messages like this get delivered.

Grown adults are distraught and in tears about someone else’s wedding? Very unhealthy OTT behaviour. Your wedding is for you not them. They sound batshit.