I'm miserable I need a break from all the beef and I've got myself into debt

[mypityparty]

Do I had a bad day yesterday. Dc1 who is 14 was in the process of moving school and was due to start Monday, I got a phone call at 9am from the new school secretary that there was a problem with the admission and that the principle would be calling me.

So it turned out that DC1 had joined the school's year 9 chat on Instagram and had got involved with beef. Another kid was causing trouble and had posted pictures if knives. My idiot dc1 started going fight and asked for a video of the fight.

New school got wind of this and felt that a child who encouraged violence wasn't a good fit for the school and withdrew their place.

So yesterday I rang the old school eat humble pie and ensured that DC1 still has a place at the old school for Monday.

If feels like the icing on the cake of a shit year, This time last year my chronic alcoholic abusive ex was removed by the police and children's protection (ex's behaviour to the DC's had caused them to go into the at risk register). Because of it I ended up spending a lot of money to secure the safety and custody of the dcs. I ended up in a lot of debt paying for lawyers and barristers - they are bloody expensive.

So by the end of last year I got the final orders from the court. By March, children's protection felt confident in the security of the DC's that they were removed from the at risk register. The ex started up making threats to take me to court to get ciustody of the DC's now that they were off the at risk register.

So back to the lawyer to see what could be done and I ran up a bill again, which I haven't paid yet. My financial circumstances changed in April and my monthly income went down by £500. That change has really balled things up for me as well as some other big bills. BTW I get no CMS from ex because as well as emotional abuse, chronic alcoholism, financial abuse was one of the things too.

Anyway, I've really ballsed up my budget and cashflow, to pay off the lawyer,I'm not going to be able to pay any debts this month and I'm going to have to ring them to sort it all out.

Works not going well, I have a really shit bullying micromanaging control freak boss and I've lost the will to work and of course I'm an easy victim target because of all of the grief that's gone on in the last year.

In the main the dc1 & 2 who is 11 are doing ok atm, they've been discharged from CAMHS but the cost of after school childcare for dc2 has been crippling as well.

Yesterday, for the first time in five (I think five could be more) years, I went out for evening drinks with a work friend. God it was nice to chat and laugh and I got drunk. So today I'm nursing a hangover - which isn't nice and I've just realised that I've blown the best part if the food budget getting pissed up.

It feels like I'm hitting emotional rock bottom, I know I've got to turn this around and I've got to make a start I've got to clean up my act and move onwards and upwards, for the sake of the DC's and for my own sake.

I'm just feeling a bit sick and tired of all of the constant beef that keeps on occuring. The way the ex is behaving is tiresome, keeping home and school on the straight and narrow and having a difficult time at work too. If my ex gloats one more time to the DC's that I may loose my job, or is snide about my parenting or is a dick about the DC's schooling, I'm going to loose the plot. But I've got a contact order in place that allows the shithead to see the DC's once a week for a couple of hours, I'm at that point where I'm tempted to break the order just so I can have a little less difficulty to deal with, oh yeh! the bastard doesn't pay travel expenses too and earns over £50k as well as no child maintainance. The fucking in- are being snide aresholes to trying to make out it's all my fault and are in complete denial that the prick is a chronic alcoholic, nearly broke dc2 arm while pissed, assaulted dc1 while pissed, turned up at school pissed multiple times.

Anyway, I've really fucked things up with debt and I've had enough of work, the weather is shit, and got a bloody hangover for the first time in years and I've got to do the shopping. I really need a break from all this beef.

btw I NC'd for this, I just needed to unload

Rant away. It sounds as if you've for a good head on your shoulders and are tackling the problems sensibly as they arise. No wonder you've had a blip, after having a good time last night and remembering how life should be.

No advice really but hang in there. Try to inject some cheap/free fun in there for all of you and keep on plodding on. Tell your dc what an idiot they've been.

Hang on in there. Sorry about the hangover
You deserved a blow out.

You're having a shitty time right now and needed a good rant. I'm crap at advice but can empathise with the feeling that you just want to stop the world and get off for a bit. Hang in there. Get some flat coke and a bag of salty crisps, some painkillers and indulge in a bit of feeling shit for a while then get yourself up and get on with it! Hope things turn round for you soon x

What is beef? I thought it was meat from a cow. Using slang makes you sound rather strange.

@Coronapop your comment makes you sound miserable, frankly. OP is having a bad time and doesn't need you picking up on language.

Here's the definition of "beef" for you:

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Beef

I think you're doing amazingly well, you went through court to protect your DC and got them off the at risk register, that must have taken so many reserves to get through, no wonder you're feeling it now.

Keep walking the path don't look at the mountain. The hangover will go, you won't feel like this tomorrow...you will get through this, you've got through so much already. Debt is so hard but ultimately solvable and won't kill or injure anyone, thank fuck.

No wonder you feel like crap though, I would too! Of course you need a break from it all, I wish you could have one. Maybe try for little tiny breaks, a coffee and trip round the chazzas for a couple of hours, a nice walk somewhere green (with or without the DC), a film, a bloody good bath...take care of yourself best you can.

Bloody well done though, those children have a great parent in you.

I think it might be a good idea if you told your 14 year old that from now on you will be checking his phone on a daily basis. His stupidity has had serious repercussions for him already and it shows he is not mature enough to have unmonitored SM access. That should give him a wake up call !

coronapop - really? is that all you got from the OP

OP - I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I'm not surprised you want to rant.
Who do you have IRL that you can talk to, who is on your side?
Can you get debt advice from somewhere? don't just keep adding to it unless it's absolutely necessary.
I'd also say don't break any court orders because that will bring a load more beef.
Your DC is also obviously struggling with what is going on and making poor choices. Can you find ways to limit/ration his SM use?
Take care of yourself.

Thank you all for your kind supportive words, there always had to be a smugmug neckbeard grammar nazi to troll things along, at least it will give this the bumps

Believe me, DC had been sorted out with an hour long talking at about the absolute and utter stupidity of it and has a full SM ban.

Hangovers going, I was only out for 2 hours, but I'm a total lightweight. I cannot believe how expensive it is to go out drinking, shows what a long time it's been. Mind you I did push the boat out a bit

Sounds like you are doing a magnificent job of coping with a huge amount of s*t. This phase of your life won't last forever. Get a plan together for your debts, phone companies and let them know you are struggling, see if you can get payments down. Try the CSA for child support from the alcoholic Arseh*e. x

I can empathise!
We all need a break for the shit life throws at us!
So, now get back at it! You have done so well, protecting your children alone. It’s hard when in-laws are just narcissistic enablers, mine are the same! But You know what the truth is, go to sleep wit a clear head and heart. Sod them!
Just buy loads of fresh veg and salad and pasta fro Lidl this month! They’ll eat it if you put it front of them! Tell them your sound a health drive! Take some tabs for the hangover and buy yourself a doughnut at Lidl. Call the bills tell them you are divorcing ask them in this instance to add this months apyment to your overall debt and increase you direct bebits by a few ponds!
I wish you all the luck you need. Keep your head held high, stop being so hard on yourself and keep moving! X

user1486131602

oooh I like that advice about dealing with the loans and cards, that's the best but of money advice I've had in a while

Sounds like a shit day/few years and you need a rant but after that you need some practical advice.
Ring step change about your debts to set up a realistic repayment plan.
Christians again poverty can help you budget without mentioning God at all.
You may need to visit a local food bank if this weeks food budget has gone.
Have you rechecked your if you can claim anymore benefits since your wage drop?
Are you claiming child maintenance?
Tax free childcare?
You have got through all this YOU CAN keep going?

I can't think of a better reason to get into debt than securing the safety of your children. Good on you.

I don't have any good advice, just wanted to say you have already survived the worst and with your determination, you'll 100% get past this.

Rant away.You should be so proud of yourself

Think how quickly the last five years have gone. In another five years, your kids are going to be old enough so that you don’t have to deal with their father ever again. You’ll be free of him and all of his rubbish. You’re doing so well, you just need to hang on for a little while longer.

And take Kezzabella’s advice with caution. It definitely needs to be full fat, fizzy coke 😉

So things have got a bit worse. I've had some serious school refusal going on now, that dd is going back to her old school. Plus yesterday there was serious parental alienation from the ex and the inlaws. I'm not one for wishing pain on people but this time I do

I understand dds anxiety, really I do. But I've got enough on my plate, leaving work early Friday to deal with the mess, now the school refusal.

And I work with a bunch of dysfunctional super-dads, who really understand this stuff , as they only have to unload all of this on their wives.

I'm feeling angry and bitter this morning, probably the remains of a hangover, and I've got to pay a huge bill to the law firm, that I'm late paying because of the ex's uber denial and dicking about.

Fucking fume.

It's time to turn this anger around and channel it into a better life for all of us.

Regarding your ex - I suggest you join Mothers United on Facebook. It is full of women who have to coparent with abusive ex partners and they are very supportive and have lots of practical advise and support.

Regarding your solicitors bills - can you contact them and organise smaller monthly repayments? They won't want to refer the debt on to a debt collection company so are usually surprisingly willing to discuss payments. Good luck!

Are your children receiving ongoing support for the abuse they suffered in the family home? They are going to need a lot of help to get through this difficult time.

yes they are CAMHS, ELSA GP and a few other agencies, I think they are a bit worn out by it

Can you also move the payment date of your bills to after payday eg if bill is due , say 6th July and pay day is 26th ask if they can move it to 27th July. Council tax ask if you can skip a month's payment if you pay 10 months and have 2 off, so you pay an extra month to everyone else.

Well done for just keeping going, OP - you are up to your neck in shit, but it won't be that way forever.

One thing I would say is that your job is the thing that is keeping your family afloat (I know you know this). However annoying your manager and colleagues are, they are not responsible for the real shit that is happening in your life. When you say that you have lost interest in your work and are finding your colleagues unbearable, I wonder if you are bringing your natural anger and bitterness and stress to work, and this might be causing some of the job problems? If so, it is really worth trying to compartmentalise. Ignore me if this is not the case!

I'm aware of howI feel about work and am just venting here rather than there.

My job problem is being run ragged by trying to balance work and home and I'm not doing a good job of either.

ATM I'm sitting in school trying to get one problem solved as amicably as possible, next I'll be in work afaing being amicable reasonable and straightforward