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Help me to help this young girl

8 replies

TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 09:09

I'll try and be brief, but there is a lot of background.

Dd1 has a friend who shes known since secondary school and both are now 21. This gir, i'll call her Alice,l is lovely but has had a bit of a shit life. She was adopted as a young child (school age) but doesn't have a good relationship with her adoptive mom. Her birth parents died a few years ago (drug abuse).

So, Alice now has 4 children, aged roughly 3, 2 and 1 year old twins. She lives in a house owned by the father of her children. House was left to him when his mum died. He is a complete waste of space and has been since they got together aged 13ish. He plays no part at all in parenting the kids, stays out for days on end etc etc, drinks, smokes weed, you get the picture.

Alice is a brilliant mum, her kids are happy, well fed, clothed etc but their home life is chaotic due to the parents relationship.

Alice wants to leave and get her own place with her children and start again. She has applied for council housing but there is a back log to even assess the forms never mind be housed. Obviously she can't chuck her other half out as it's his house.

Currently she isn't coping well at all. She is looking after the kids but not herself, and is very paranoid that people are judging her and that she is going to lose her kids. She doesn't want any SS help as she has bad memories of them from when she was taken from her own parents.
I have suggested Home Start but she said someone was meant to come out to her when she had her twins and no one ever did.

I've suggested she goes to to see her G.P but again she is reluctant.

I'm struggling to know what else to suggest but would really like to be able to help her. She is a lovely girl and a great mom, she just needs some help.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 09:13

I should add, she is currently asleep on my sofa as she turned up this morning in tears saying she can't cope anymore. Her mom is at hers with her kids, but is ringing her saying she has to go back cos she has to go to work. The father of the kids is also there but asleep in bed and wont get up.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 09:15

I am going to wake her shortly and suggest she goes back, as I'm worried her mom will ring SS.

OP posts:
Soola · 15/06/2019 09:17

Call social services.

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TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 09:32

Ordinarily I would, but i'd like to explore other avenues first.

Have just spoken to a local charity who have said they can speak to her about housing and refer her back to Home Start so that's something.

OP posts:
smallereveryday · 15/06/2019 09:37

It's really sad that people always want to involve SS 'as a last resort'. I have been a volunteer for sure start for over 20 yrs , and without exception, those who engage with SS at the earliest opportunity are those with the most successful outcomes.

Social services DO NOT have an agenda to remove children as a default. It is the complete opposite. They have an agenda to try and keep a family functioning if it is at all safe to do so.
The cases where children are removed is when the situation has been left too long - meaning that there is no longer time to put strategies in place and support the family without causing irreparable damage to the children.

Please call Social services now and support her to engage with them.

TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 09:40

I do agree with you smallereveryday but obviously due to her history this girl has a very different view of SS.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 09:45

Smallereveryday - could you possibly give me an idea of what would happen once SS got involved ?

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutty · 15/06/2019 17:07

I managed to get her to go back home and speak with her mum. They don't really get on, but i'm hoping her mom will be able to see that this has happened because she's at the end of her rope.

I also got her an appointment with a local charity who can help with housing issues and refer her to Home Start.

If things don't improve then obviously I will have no option but to involve SS.

OP posts:
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