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Original poster

Child tried to strangle my son

45 replies

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 04:36

Just that really. happened after school. Got him in a head lock. Son very upset. Seems there was some provocation but a small thing. They are both ten.

I was letting him walk home alone now, at the end of year 5, but think I will walk to the school to meet him. the other mum dealt with it and told me about it.

OP posts:

youarenotkiddingme · 15/06/2019 06:27

Sorry your first replies are from twats r us.

I would ask your ds how he feels. Talk to him about how if you antagonise people you will find their tolerance levels differ to his, yours, other friends and they may react badly. It doesn't make it right but it's a risk he takes.

Then talk to him about what he can do if someone puts him in a headlock, pushes, punches kicks him etc. How he can deal with it. Any places on route he could go for help if needed.

It happens (even though it shouldn't) and I think you're doing totally the right thing starting him off on independence in readiness for secondary school.

They need the skills of conflict resolution.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 06:36

Thanks that is useful.

Yes there seems to be some total dicks on here these days! (twats r us!)

Yes I wasn't sure if a headlock could actually strangle them or how to get out of it. DH says to not keep bringing it up with DS but might be good to discuss some of those things.

He's not used to fighting so probably first time for something like this.

OP posts:

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 06:39

I have not yet replied to the mum, wonder whether to and see if she can assure me it won't happen again. She said that she had told them it 'was wrong' but that was it.

OP posts:

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 06:41

Wonder if self defence course might be good idea. Do schools do these I wonder

OP posts:

seven201 · 15/06/2019 06:47

I'd be upset if that happened to my child. I'd look into self defence classes personally. Some schools may have external providers hire out their space after school, but you're probably best off just googling to find a local one. I think you should ring the mum and find out exactly what happened. Id want to be reassured that her child is receiving some kind of punishment, not that you have any say in that. It would just make me feel better. Also talk to your son about antagonising people and what to do to try and stop situations escalating.

I'd let the school know but make it clear you're not expecting them to deal with it, it's just an fyi. I'm a teacher btw.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 06:52

I thought it was strange that she said in the message what my son was doing with the pen was dangerous, but surely the headlock is dangerous too.

DH thinks no need to tell school. think he feels is stirring up trouble, I don't want it to happen to other though.

OP posts:

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 06:54

But guess the school might remind them all about how not to fight etc.

OP posts:

Teaandchocolatecake · 15/06/2019 07:11

Have you asked your son what he did with the pen and why? Did he tap the wheel when the bike was stationary or did he put it in the spikes when it was moving? Did the other boy fall off?

The way I dealt with it would depend on how and why the initial incident occurred.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 07:38

I just spoke to my son and he told me they were standing (so not riding the bikes) and he had a pen which he placed on the tyre and then the other boy just kind of flipped out and broke the pen and did the head lock. So, the pen thing was not dangerous at all. I mean not sure why he did that but wasn't going to harm the other child

OP posts:

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/06/2019 07:51

I'm really puzzled by the tone of these responses. Usually on Mumsnet if someone thinks a dentist might have looked at them speculatively in 1983 the responses will be "I'm so sorry you were assaulted - you must tell the police". In this case a 10 year old has been hurt and upset and the responses are very " What's his problem with being held in a headlock? He provoked it, didn't he?"

OP I would advise your DS to avoid this other child if he flips out like this. I would not feel the need to inform the school if it is a one-off, but if it happened again, of course I would.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 08:03

I'm sorry, I just don't get what you're posting about.

This you mean? and the victim blaming stuff. Yes I know. Bit weird.

Yes it is totally acceptable to strangle people. It sounds like one of those cuts who just reply like that on AIBU just to be an arsehole

OP posts:

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/06/2019 08:04

Maybe some things are just more acceptable to others

OP posts:

Eustasiavye · 15/06/2019 08:13

Op- I don't this no this is acceptable.
Total overreaction by the other boy. If he carries on behaving like that he will find himself in trouble as an older boy.
I think if this was a one off I would let it go. If anything else happens and your son has not provoked it, I would be telling his teacher.

PinkCrayon · 15/06/2019 08:14

I would tell the school so that they are aware of the situation. My children dont get each other in headlocks it wouldnt be acceptable so I dont deem it as something to be brushed under the carpet, Ring her, I cant see why she isnt punishing her son for his behaviour though. Although I would also have a word with your son about antagonisong people if thats the case, not that he deserved what he got in retaliation.

redexpat · 15/06/2019 08:21

I would tell the school but in a this happened please could you keep an eye on these 2 way. The other mum dealt with it.

TheInvestigator · 15/06/2019 08:23

What do you mean by places the pen on the wheel?

Did he stab the wheel with the tip of the pen? Did the other boy think your son was going to burst his wheel?

You need to remember that children will minimise their own behaviour and dramatize what's been done to them. The headlock was wrong and the other mum needs to deal with that. It sounds like she did and she will no doubt continue that at home with her son. But you need to deal with yours too. Did he maliciously stab at the wheel of someone's bike and make them think it would burst? If he did, or if it could have looked like that at all, then you need to discuss with him that he must respect the property of others.

Isatis · 15/06/2019 08:30

I agree that the initial responses on this thread are from twats. It sounds as if the other boy has major anger management issues and it would certainly be worth alerting the school.

IAmDetermined · 15/06/2019 08:31

I would tell school, yes. Something along the lines of, "Morning Mr/Mrs X, just to let you know there was an issue after school with X and my son. He got him in a headlock and hurt him, I'm not 100% clear on what provoked this. His mother dealt with it at the time but I'm making you aware in case this causes issues in school".

Teachers absolutely DO want to know about issues like that. You don't need to ask them to deal with it but it could well come up at school.

Ignore the twats up thread OP

shadesofwinter · 15/06/2019 08:51

Agree that I'd mention it to the school, not asking them to do anything, but just to keep an eye out.

Hope your DS is ok.

Goatinthegarden · 15/06/2019 09:21

It sounds like your ds did something antagonistic and the other boy snapped and put his hands on him. Some kids lack the skills at Primary age to process their emotions and react thusly when aggrieved (we see the same behaviour in puppies). It’s not ok, but it’s something for your son to be aware of.

I teach the kids in my class that it is never ok for anyone to put their hands on you, but they do have to take responsibility to minimise the chances of it happening to them, for I find it’s very rare that a child hits out for absolutely no reason.

The phrase ‘poking a bear with a stick springs to mind’....

It’s a good idea for the school to made aware of the incident - if this other child has a habit of using his hands to resolve situations, they can work with him on this.

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