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My ds has no compassion and I'm worried!!!

6 replies

Danceswithlightning · 14/06/2019 17:02

My ds 11 seems to have no compassion at all for others and I'm really starting to worry about it. I honestly dont think he sees other people as anything but things to do his bidding or a way of getting what he wants.

I'm so worried what his future will hold as he just doesnt seem to care about anything other than himself. I've tried and tried to get him to see things from others points of view but he just looks blankly at me I just dont know what to do.

He also has a fierce hatred of his younger brother and an awful temper. I'm so worried one day he will really hurt him. I'm reaching the end of my tether with it all. His behaviour is affecting everyone and I dont know what to do. I once really hurt myself and he just shouted at me for not getting him a drink. It's scary how cold he seems. Hes also never said he loves me or anyone for that matter.

I feel like I'm being awful for saying all this but I'm still waiting to see camhs at the end of the year and hes just getting worse and worse.

OP posts:
Danceswithlightning · 14/06/2019 17:46

He also has a habit of hanging off me and trying constantly to have my undivided attention. Its driving me insane

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Flippingflipflop · 14/06/2019 17:56

I really feel for you. This sounds so hard. I am no expert but I understand that it is possible to teach/ encourage empathy. Everyone is on a spectrum, some are more compassionate than others. I know an adult who is not very good at empathy/ compassion but he has decent morals, is hard working and not nasty to others but probably out for themselves if honest about it. Lots of high achievers are. Isn't there a book that explains it all by Ron jonson? Not read it myself. Don't give up hope. I'm sure cahms with help. Flowers in meantime.

Danceswithlightning · 14/06/2019 18:04

Thank you. I just sometimes find it scary how cold he is. One of our pets we had for years died and he just shrugged and walked off.

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Howmanysleepstilchristmas · 14/06/2019 19:16

Maybe teach him to act compassionately if you can, and to act morally... even if only in terms of coming across better to others making him more likely to be successful/ benefiting him in some way. Find something to motivate him to behave in the “right” way. Praise his attempts.
Some studies have shown empathy can be learnt to an extent by reading novels (particularly with a focus on the characters emotions/ emotional conflicts). Does he read much? It sounds like a blatantly emotion-focused book wouldn’t appeal, but maybe something more story based but with an emotional aspect included would help if you can find something to interest him.
FWIW the adults I know that are naturally this way are all high achievers, but those that make an effort to understand empathy/ others emotions are more so as they’re more socially adept.

Danceswithlightning · 15/06/2019 10:02

He is very conscious of rules to the point he cant break them but has no care for others or their things. I am always talking to him about how he would feel if it happened to him and he just looks at me blankly and says "but it didnt"

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FennellaArmstrong · 15/06/2019 10:07

My dd is lacking in compassion. She is a teenager so I’m hoping she’ll improve as she gets older and less self-centred. My ds is compassionate as are my husband and I so she does see it demonstrated. It is worrying though, I don’t know the solution but I share your concern.

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