I feel broken......

[ReginaFilange001]

I need a stern talking to.

In the 3 years since I had my child I feel like I've gradually let myself go. Self care is non existent and it's more the looking after my health and therefore my looks.

My skin is terrible my teeth look awful. I'm tired and overweight and my body aches. I never feel rested or perky even.

I know all the right things I should be doing. Less coffee more water less cake more fruit and veg etc. Smaller portions etc. I need to exercise more and I used to love it but now I feel so drained and eating the wrong stuff makes you more lethargic I know this. I used to be so much healthier and brighter.

I'm stuck in a vicious cycle.

I caught sight of myself today and I just look a state. Big baggy jumper and scarf to hide the lumpy bits - it doesn't! And I look so tired and old and miserable. And because I feel like this I've just had Macdonald's for lunch and feel worse.

Give me a kick up to backside please.

You have a damn hard job, being a mother to a three year old. Part of that job is being a healthy and happy example.

Get yourself on Cult Beauty, and start with skincare. It’ll help you relax and take a bit of time for yourself, someone else (dp?) can keep an eye on your child so you have time to take your make up off, brush your teeth, floss, moisturize every night. Have half an hour with a mask on, and a scrub and lotion every week in the bath.

Your child will love getting out and about with mum. Get yourself to the park, in some fitness gear that makes you feel awesome - and run around until you’re both exhausted. Laugh in a happy pile on the grass with her and then go again. Repeat a few times a week.

Does food make you happy? Wouldn’t you love to eat something bright and beautiful? Get yourself scrolling on the internet and find some recipes you’re actually excited about. Start by doing one or two a week instead of less healthy meals, and gradually increase the amount. Exposing your child to rich variety of foods and cultures will be a great gift.

You can do it! You’ve done, and are doing, an amazing thing: your are a mother. Make the most of every second

You can do it. I say eating more biscuits. But you know what you can.

Make a list of things to do including thing that make you happy eg
But a tooth whitening toothpaste
Get a scale and polish (about £45)
Floss
Drink one glass of water a day
Buy myself some flowers
Go for one walk a week
Stop snack during the week
Get measured and buy some bras
Start a new skin care regime (Nothing complicated)
At dinner make 1/2 plate veg
Do a YouTube yoga video
Buy exfoliating gloves to use every day in the shower
Buy and use shower oil

You get the idea and then start one new one a week. If for some reason you start to slip back and misses a few days/weeks of what you have been doing they don’t beat yourself up just get on with it.

Go to a GP and get a full bloods done. You may be deficient in iron, b12 or vitamin D. Fatigue and skin issue as well as low mood are some symptoms of a deficiency in all those.

You can supplement with vitamin D anyway as your body doesn't store it but for iron and b12 you should double check properly first. Just say your feeling extra exhausted and look drained and would like to check you aren't anaemic for anything.

As far as exercise goes don't force yourself. A walk somewhere green three times a eeek for at least 20 minutes each has been shown to increase serotonin and boost moods. Can be a park or the countryside. Just somewhere quiet where there's nature around you.

I'd focus on your mood and health more than appearance first. Often improving those will improve the rest too.

You don't need a kick up the backside or a stern talking to, you need a hug (and maybe a spa day) because being a mum is hard work.

First things first: be kind to yourself. All the things you've mentioned are things that can be changed if you want them to change, so try not to stress out about any of it especially not the weight thing. A positive mindset is the best way to get started, so don't put yourself under pressure or set yourself unrealistic goals that will leave you disappointed - make small but significant changes like trying to work more physical activity into your day (someone mentioned walking) - do you work and if so do you commute? Could you do so by jogging/cycling?

I second what previous poster said about getting vitamins etc checked and ask them to check your thyroid function, if it's sluggish that could lead to low mood, weight gain, feeling tired and generally like crap.

Going back to work part time would help you immensely. You'd be rejuvenated in no time.

Also, I find that personally I don't respond to tough love when it comes to getting in shape or losing weight or whatever, I "let myself go" and gained tons of weight once and spent several years hating myself for it. In reality the weight gain was connected to anxiety issues (following a serious car accident), and I wish someone had told me "you know what, it's ok, just be happy, be yourself, this isn't the end of the world and you'll make changes when you're ready." Instead I got snide comments from others which made the self-loathing worse, tried crash diets which unsurprisingly didn't work. Eventually lost the weight very gradually when I went abroad and met new people, had new experiences, went hiking a lot, built up my confidence and just generally became happier and more secure in myself.

Sorry for the rambling but I thought it might help to know you're not alone

Your post sounds like I wrote it OP except im a single mum and my dc are 8 and 6.

hormones your list is great. I'm going to honestly try a lot of them. I've been thinking about looking at YouTube for a begginers yoga video but not got further than thinking about it

Maybe we could encourage each other to give it a go OP? Give each other a shove when we need one!

Thank you so much for your kind replies and suggestions.
@Zapata29 you are right, I'm trying to tough love myself back and as soon as I fall at the first impossibily high hurdle I take 5 steps back mentally. I do need to be kinder to myself.

@EnidButton I never thought about the vitamin deficiency thing and I am going to sort out getting checked. I always feel on the cusp of illness and one bad night's sleep really zaps me. More than ever.

@hormonesorDHbeingadick thank you for the suggestions. I've wrote them down and along with some of the other suggestions made i know I can make some baby steps into achieving some things from that list.

@sergeilavrov thank you for your utterly kind words. They make a lot of sense and would be the advice I'd give someone else, oh why is it so hard to tell yourself it?

@RightOnTheEdge wellness buddy? Like the sound of that!

Re. the yoga video suggestion maybe check out Yoga with Adriene, she's fab and has tons of YouTube videos (free and various lengths so easy to pick one that fits in with your day). Also, if you have the cash for it you could always look into a few personal training sessions to get you started/motivated

I totally know what you mean about falling off the wagon and feeling deflated, maybe we should think of it more as we have good days and bad days and that's fine!

I also could have written your post.
I've spent all day thinking the same thoughts.
I'm mum to a very terrible twonager and I look revolting and I feel awful.

You can definitely turn this around because you've had enough of feeling how you feel.
I think that's the first step.

Personally, I'm going to hide my head in a bag of Maltesers and wait for the apocalypse.
Shouldn't be long.

I could have written this myself! I'm trying little things like drinking more water and improving my skincare routine and it does make me feel that little bit better about myself, struggle with exercise due to ongoing Achilles issues🙁 but I can do Yoga and really recommend Adrienne! You could also try getting little one into yoga and do it together-Cosmic kids on YouTube is excellent, DD really likes it and it has really helped her coordination.

Same here OP - my DS is 2.5 and I’ve recently started to take steps to get my sense of self back. This is what’s worked for me so far (still working on it):

First thing I’ve done that’s had an immediate difference - worked on my diet. I’d been overeating (mostly carbs) to compensate for my lack of energy. Shifted half a stone without too much difficulty - much to my surprise. Still got some more weight to shift but am feeling encouraged by the initial loss.

I’ve thrown out/given to charity unflattering/tired old clothes.

Bought a few new items of clothing/make up. Aiming for a more classic look. Ditched lots of pairs of tired shoes and invested in some better quality pairs in the sale.

Still working on:

• getting more exercise in (I used to run but very rarely now)
• stopping breastfeeding - had no idea I’d be still doing this but need to stop soon to get my body back!
• getting fitted for new bras

Btw, I forgot to say - you sound like you’re being very harsh on yourself. Motherhood in the early years takes such a toll - only the very fortunate can emerge relatively unscathed!

I started YouTube yoga when dd was 3. She loved doing it with me (and climbing all over me).
I had a bit of a self mess epiphany when dd was 3.
I started a caroline hirons face care routine to start with. I didn't buy expensive things, there was a 3 for £5 deal at tescos.
It started me feeling a whole lot better. I went on to couch to 5k, saved for a nice haircut, started ironing my clothes and lost my baby weight.
I think after having babies you kind of lose yourself into your child completely for a while.