Anyone else in the same boat?

[QueenDL]

I'm 32, widowed with 2 daughters (age 9 and 4).

I have no family. None at all. The family on my late hubby's side are all abusive monsters (one's a convicted paedophile). My family are also abusive monsters. I had the worst childhood imaginable.

The one relative I did have was my gran but she passed away last year.

I have 2 friends. One lives in the pub I work at, I rarely see her, we used to be close as two people could be but she's distant now as she's too busy with her own life, which is understandable. My other friend says she is there for me, and is in a similar position, but she has a partner now and his family, so I rarely see her.

I have no friends I can call up when I'm in times of need. Nobody to help look after my kids if I'm ill etc.

I am literally alone, when the kids go to bed it's just me. I'm so sick of it.

I'm also petrified that if something happens to me, there is nobody to have my kids, they'd end up in care. There's no way on earth I could let them go to my family or late hubby's family, that's the worst scenario imaginable, I could never let them come to such harm.

Everyone I know has family or friends. Noone understands.

I'm completely alone and it''s horrible.

I can't help really but I can offer you a hand hold.

Gosh you’ve had it tough!
I can’t help either. I just wanted to say you sound amazing and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through all that.

Who minds your dc while you are at work?

they go to school/nursery during the day, then I do 2 nights a week at the pub and pay a babysitter.

GOODNESS, I DO FEEL FOR YOU, sorry caps on there
Try and take a bit of control of your life to give you some peace of mind.
Firstly make a will and specifically say the children are not to go to any family member of either side,
Ask SS to assist you with a plan for the children if the worst happens.
Can you afford a life insurance policy.
As you work, do you have a pension pot accruing ? Name the children as receivers of it .. cant think of the specific term for that.

Where do you live, is there anyone on that street you could make a friend of, I’m even thinking about some retired people you could adopt as grandparents, there is a scheme running somewhere “adopt a granny” saw it on TV, ask at your local Citizens advice bureau
Can you get to any playgroups with the 4 year old ?thats how i made my first friend when I had to move

You are swamped looking at the big picture, try and focus on one little fix at a time.
I’m not preaching at you, Ive had to do some of this. It slowly worked
Good luck and look after yourself xx

Perhaps you could find a church family? I know it is not permitted to recommend religion in Britain, but you could find a church group where you and your children feel comfortable, make friends, maybe meet someone you would trust to care for your children if something happened to you.

I’ve been a widow since my kids were 4 and 6. My family live 2500 miles away and my late husband’s family are fine (though elderly) but not supportive. You just have to go out and meet people. Do you work full time? Can you volunteer at the school? Accept every invite and also just invite people over - I’ve invited people I barely know but want to know better over for dinner/lunch. Otherwise the only other adult I’d talk to of a day would be the check out lady at at Tesco.
I also have a chronic illness but I manage it well. Yes I occasionally would wonder what would happen if I was to die before my kids were adults but I picked guardians.
I’ve never had to ask anyone to look after my kids except when my father took ill abroad and I needed to fly out ASAP (my husband was alive then). And the last time was when my husband passed away. But I’ve just got on with it. It’s not the life I’d planned. I’m alone every night. It’s hard. But that’s life. It’s up to you to change it. That may sound patronising but it’s true.