I can’t cope

[Nickypx3]

My husband left me 11 years ago. We had two small children together who are now teenagers. He broke my heart and ruined my life, I always knew I would never get over the trauma but recently it’s hitting me hard. My girls think he’s amazing and I feel like they hate me. He always comes up smelling of roses and I always get trampled on. This week has hit a new low and I do not want to live this life anymore. What do I do?

I've been there. But 4 years on and I'm over it nearly. 11 years? That's a loooong time to still be suffering. Have you tried counselling?

Call the Samaritans, OP. They're not just there for the suicidal. They'll listen.

Keep breathing.
Have a shower or bath.
Eat something nice and have a hot drink.
Talk to someone in real life. Long term, get a counsellor, talk it all out.
Make your bed really cosy - as many duvets as you can find.
You will get through this stage.
Love yourself.
Your girls don’t know their arses from their elbows yet - they’ll realise, in about fifteen years’ time.

Be kind to your self.
See GP you may need medication, or if already on you may need it reviewed. This can be life changing when things are so bad.
Ask GP for referral for counselling, or google IAPT in your area - can self refer if it is in your area.
You WILL get through this, but you need to find the strength to take the first steps.
Mental health is as important as physical health if no more so.

Just wait. They will soon grow out of it, especially when they become mothers, I have been that child and I am now that mother 😕 it’s hard but there’s is light!

You know that saying 'a mother's place is in the wrong'? It's the same whether you're together or apart. I can be treated like shit on a shoe some days, Dad comes in, it's all sweetness and light, he's looking at me as if to say 'what you on about'?

Hang in there.

You do matter. You matter to your children, but they've just got to make it out of their self absorbed little chrysalis to realise that, and show it to you.

Please, love yourself. Do nice things for yourself. Whether it's flowers that you love, a particular meal that you love, clean sheets of a Friday night, a yummy bath with candles, a magazine or book you enjoy - you deserve these things so much.

And if you can, find things to do with your children that you all enjoy - maybe takeout of a Friday night, and Youtube? Going for a coffee? Window shopping? Watching cat videos?! Hell, we're bonding over Gogglebox and Good Omens at the moment!

I am exactly the same @Nickypx3 but 5 years in. He had affairs and was emotionally abusive. He has never had a set pattern of seeing DS - just Saturday mornings. I had to book weeks in advance for him to have him overnight and he often refused or change his mind last minute. He never contributes anything above maintenance for anything. Doesn't attend any meetings for school or anything.

DS thinks he is amazing. His house is wonderful. His car is great.it really bugs me.

I guess when he grows up and looks back he will see how I struggled to give him a good life and how hard I worked. And maybe then he will see what a deadbeat dad he had.

All your kind words and advice have helped a little (I’m still too emotional for it to help loads) I referred myself to IAPT to see if I can get some counselling, I know I need it. It really really does help to know I’m not alone. I just want to be a good mum to my kids but I feel like I’m too absorbed in myself to be. I’m bitter and resentful and I don’t like it.

No, we always tell ourselves that if we'd just be BETTER, give MORE, then it will be fine.

Actually, they're going through a hard stage, you're going through a hard time, and sometimes it's like two pieces of sandpaper colliding rough side up.