Divorcing and now strange nice behaviour

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Hi just after a little opinion on my situation. Cut long story short - husband is divorcing me after his erratic behaviour, cheated, was nasty to me. It’s been 2 years almost since we spilt. Have a 3 year old son. He said he would burn the house before I got a penny from it, said I’d end up lonely etc. I bit my tongue left him to his rants the past year. Now suddenly he’s asking me to go for tea with him and our son, wants to pay for me and our son to go on holiday and is asking where and when and if he can come, said I can have the house he doesn’t want to argue anymore although he was arguing with himself this whole time. Cut himself off from our son for long periods of time despite me telling him he should try build some sort of bond with him and have contact with him. I’m finding it strange that after so long of him being awful and nasty to this sudden change in attitude being nice giving me everything... any thoughts whether there’s an ulterior motive behind this or has he just changed?

I’d get solicitor to draw up the agreement and get the finances in order ASAP if he says you can have the house I’d bloody well take it.

I doubt very much he’s changed. Men like that don’t normally change.
He’s either been told by his solicitor that he will not be taking everything.
Or he’s had another relationship and it has now ended.
Or he’s got plans to lull you into a false sense of security and shaft you. I know a despicable man who faked getting back with his ex wife and convinced her to sign over property to him and then he divorced her.

I’d take his word for it and get him to sign your house over to you and get the divorce moving.

He won't have changed. It's just a new tactic he's using.
Be wary

Yes he’s already got that in the agreement between our solicitors. So the house etc is mine anyway. It’s just he’s acting nicely and I’ve asked what the catch is coz this is strange behaviour considering he’s been awful the past 2 years. I don’t even want to take the money to book a holiday in case it’s a trick

Yip. New tactic.

A tactic for what though? We’re over. Am done. Surely he realises that.

Is the holiday abroad? Is he resident of another country?

Very suspicious

I wouldn’t bother second guessing anything. I’d ensure everything is watertight and all documents have been signed and stamped by the judge.

Be pleasantly back.

I would not go on holiday overseas with him, he’s threatened to burn the house down and leave you penniless. A man like that will not let go easily.

No he’s not resident abroad etc. English. But the holiday is to take my son abroad. Said he will give me £1000 to book one. But then he’s said where and when and out of curiosity how much it would cost to book on?! Last week he came to the door all smiley and asked me to go for tea with him and our son. I said no and he said just come. I said no again and he said we won’t talk about anything just come. I said no thanks I don’t want to. Then he says he was just trying to be nice and show that mum and dad can get along for son. I said but it’s strange.

So you think he still hasn’t let go of us and this is a new tactic to see what he can gain from me?

He's met someone.
That was my experience when my nasty ex turned rather friendly and peaceful. I think he thought it would soften me up so that I wouldn't freak out about his moving on or our DS having a stepmum figure. To be honest, I couldn't be bothered about either. But he almost acted as if he wanted to get back together... nothing flirtatious but just too nice, a sort of 'about face' from his totally unreasonable behaviour up to that point.
Be careful. Meaning, don't get sucked in. Don't go in for tea. Don't become mates. He's just your boy's dad now. And the buttering up is just to set you up as a soft touch henceforth. It's how he'll want to get his way. How can anyone say no to such a nice guy?
It's rather manipulative. You've done well not to fall for it.

You can be nice each other for your son's sake. But don't let him get too chummy with you. Trust your spidey senses.

He wants a holiday with you and your son? Sorry, I hadn't quite clocked that. He wants to give you the money to book a family holiday for all of you?
Ooh that is crafty.
The thing is, you haven't been to court yet, right? Because nothing matters while it's just lawyers' letters. You have to have it all in a court order. You may be in the house now, but you're not really completely protected until it's in an order that you remain in the house.

He's softening you up. That's what it's all about. He's softening you up so that you'll feel too much guilt and pity to 'take' from him.
You need to get to a solicitor and start the divorce ball rolling and secure your future.

Don't take the holiday cash. Imagine what he would be like on holiday when he wouldn't take no for an answer with the tea.

Why is he being nice? Who knows. Could be genuine. Could be another way to control.

Yes, it's nice when kids see their parents getting on together. But this doesn't have to include holidays and trips.

Don't trust him as far as you can throw him

Yes exactly why would he want to join the holiday if he had met someone. Surely that wouldn’t look good for him with his new girl. I couldn’t care less if he had met someone. It’s just odd how nice he’s trying to act with me. We’re in the process of getting the consent order sealed so that the house and contents are mine. He’s literally just transferred the money over to book a holiday. I’m getting the sense he’s realised the grass isn’t greener after all and is trying his best to charm his way back but there’s no going back. He caused too much pain and I ended up 7stone fragile for a year and now finally back to myself and enjoying life. Getting on with things as a single working parent. And being both mum and dad coz he only sees our son once every couple of weeks for 3 hours!

Maybe he's planning to move into the house while you're abroad?

I agree this is probably a tactic he’s trying.

He doesn’t have a key and even if he moved in I would have him thrown out. It’s just strange the way he’s acting so suddenly

Op me and my ex have been split 7 years since DD was 3.
He still tries to control me, uses new and different tactics all the time, always, always asks me to do things when DD is there because he knows it's difficult to say no when she's there. Always invites me in to his, tries to make me stay for coffee or dinner, again always asks when DD is there.
Says we are still a 'family'. Wants to go and visit my grandad because 'he misses him.
This is the same man who tried to tell the court I was a drunk driver and used to buy drugs for ex ( all lies )
Who had me followed for over a year when we split, who tells DD adult things when he shouldn't.
Who has a girlfriend but who would come back to me tomorrow if I wanted that.
He will not change, he may use surprising tactics to unsettle you or control you or persuade you or others that he is a nice, reasonable person.
But he's not. Don't fall for it

It's a trap, don't do anything he asks no matter how nice he is. He'll have something up his sleeve.