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Original poster

Husband - What should I do?

12 replies

Mummy2747 · 13/06/2019 18:47

Hi all, I’m new here so please bear with me.
I have been with my husband now for 14 years and we have 2 children. My worry is that he doesn’t want me anymore.
He is constantly glued to either his phone or his iPad, I mean constantly, to the point it is a problem. And because of this we hardly even have a conversation let alone spend any time with each other. I don’t necessarily mean going out together because we never really do that because we have no one to have the kids. I just mean when the kids are in bed and we could watch a film together or just sit and talk. He never pays me any attention, even if I’m crying he just sits the other side of the room and pretends I’m not there just looking at his phone. Also our sex life is pretty much non existent and I know this is because of the way my body is now post children which is why the phone and iPad come to bed every night so he can use it as an excuse. Now I’m not saying he’s a bad person, he literally works so hard so that we can have a good life, I’m just not sure he actually wants me anymore. It’s making me really down and my self confidence has fell through the floor

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 13/06/2019 18:48

That sounds really horrible. What does he say when you try to talk to him?

Original poster

Mummy2747 · 13/06/2019 18:55

He tells me of course he loves me. But nothing changes and I still feel rubbish. Words and actions are very different things

OP posts:

PragmaticWench · 13/06/2019 19:12

Personally I'd start working on things that are going to make you feel better about yourself. Not for him, but for you. So some exercise, or reading an interesting book, or something else positive for yourself. Post-children itself easy to lose sight of yourself.

If he then takes more notice of you, it's a bonus. If he doesn't then you will have boosted your self confidence and shown yourself some positive attention.

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Relationship problems

Ava12345 · 13/06/2019 19:20

Oh hon. I feel so much for you. Time to start working on you. Can you join an exercise class, preferably dance? It will help you get in touch with that feminine side that motherhood seems to hide. Ask him one question tonight. Put your hand on his chest until he looks at you. Ask him what he wants. Say if money was no object, and we had time, what would you really want. See what he says.

Original poster

Mummy2747 · 13/06/2019 20:31

I do exercise, most days I cycle and do yoga classes. I am only 9 stone and size 10-12 but I just cans seem to tone my tummy no matter what I do x

OP posts:

Ava12345 · 13/06/2019 22:47

Ok then I think that you are, no doubt, fit and gorgeous. Stop pointing out the things that are wrong with your body. Seriously. I'm disabled, and I'd love a body like yours that works and carries babies. So adjust how you see yourself. Talk to yourself how you'd talk to your daughter. You're beautiful, and precious, and worth loving. Did you ask him the question? Ask him, and listen carefully to his answer. It will help to understand what he really wants. And keep asking him this kind of question that gives you a clue as to what he's thinking. Tell him you appreciate his work and how he provides for you all and you're proud of him. Do you have a favourite restaurant, like from before you had kids? Get a sitter and plan an evening out. And just before you go out, text him something suggestive saying what you'd like to do to him when you get home. Give it a shot. X

Divebar · 23/06/2019 19:53

You cannot honestly think that your marriage is in this state because of your stomach. What has happened for you to think that? That is massively dysfunctional thinking.

Supersimpkin · 23/06/2019 19:57

OP, this is not about your tummy. It is about your DH ignoring you.

Divebar · 23/06/2019 20:13

You need to find a babysitter and stop being so passive - ask around, advertise. Do something other than waiting for something to happen. If he’s not interested in coming out with you make plans with your friends. Stop thinking that it’s about your body - do something other than going to the gym and looking after the children. Do a course, go on holiday on your own, read a trillion books. Shake things up.... don’t be predictable. Basically get your shit together because 1). It’s much more attractive than being a martyr and accepting this nonsense 2). You might need to kick his arse to the kerb and you currently sound like your being walked all over. 3). You deserve happiness

BIWI · 23/06/2019 20:16

If he’s happy to read his iPad or phone all evening then you have a fantastic babysitter!

Arrange some evenings out for yourself. Either with friends or on your own - go and see a film or go to the theatre. He'll soon start showing an interest.

But if he doesn’t then that tells you all you need to know. (Sorry)

pinkoneblueone · 23/06/2019 20:25

Have you told him how you feel?

MothershipG · 23/06/2019 20:30

If he ignores you when you are visibly upset then he either dislikes you or is indifferent, someone who loved you wouldn't do that.

So you have to decide what you want, try to save the relationship, suggest counselling to him? But if he's not committed then perhaps start thinking if you life would be better apart from him?

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