I've considered for a long time whether to write this post. I guess I'm trying to pretend that it isn't true.
Basically, I have very little to do with my parents. They brought us up fine in the way of feeding, clothing and sending us to school but nothing else. Nothing else. They have never asked me anything about my life from school days to now with our 3 fast growing children. We don't have anything in common. They laugh any problem I have ever had off because they don't have the emotional capability to deal with anything.
When I see mother/fathers day cards in the shops I feel sick reading the wording 'thank you for all you do for me' etc.
I feel duty bound to send cards, occasionally visit and stare at the walls but I've had enough.
They have never had any interest in their grandchildren 'we've had our time raising children, why do we need to see yours?'
My dh hadn't been able to contact them by phone when my ds1 was born so I phoned them later in the evening. My mum picked up at 9pm, said she was snoozing and what did I want? I said I just wanted to tell you that I've had the baby to which she replied 'yes I know'. Not, are you both well, looking forward to seeing you etc.
I feel as if I have a hardened heart to it now but I still feel that I should be blaming myself.
Other examples are leaving my graduation ceremony before I had graduated (?), me asking mum to help me choose a wedding dress style at the shop and her just saying, 'why are we here?'. Me checking whether dad had written a wedding speech/ just a few words and did he need help? Him saying it's all fine and laughing it off and then on the wedding day, when he is called up, he just sits there, saying nothing apart from 'I'm too choked up to speak'. He would rather do things like that to me then face the truth that he's too nervous. It's always about them.
The only two things that I have ever learned or been told by my parents is that I must always air the house and hang the washing out like a billowing sock. This, I appreciate is fucking sad.
My friends parents get together for meals, holidays and all manner of lovely things and I simply can't imagine it.
I have a lovely little family unit ds and 3dc but what would you do? Would you just totally cut all contact with parents? It's so sad to think that I have thought about when they die and I have absolutely no feelings regarding it. Please tell me that I'm not the only person who has had this life experience.