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Original poster

Breaking reality to my 10 year old - help

39 replies

WelshMoth · 13/06/2019 10:35

DD has always written notes and left them at the fairy door in the corner of her room. Her little fairy has occasionally written back loving notes. I did it as she was growing up and it was very much a part of our play theme at home.

She's now 10 and off to comp next September. I've not told her about Father Christmas and neither has anyone else in our family - not even DD13 (a neighbour told her when she was 10 and it upset her a great deal - a whole other thread, that). I've no doubt that it's talked about in school and she has asked a few probing questions in the past.

She has left one last note to her little fairy - asking how she is etc. I feel like I've not properly or adequately closed that magic chapter in her life and it irks me. I don't know how to do it I don't particularly want to do it but I don't want her to grow up neither . I definitely need to tell her about Father Christmas too.

Any help with this please? Advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:

Kanga83 · 13/06/2019 13:26

Your dd sounds adorable, very much like my nearly 6 year old who has a fairy visit and they exchange notes. I would go with the approach similar to a dummy fairy- a farewell note explaining that the fairy can't visit now in her room or write notes anymore but she's love a fairy spot in the garden to visit when she can and a small gift for starting school, a pe bag or pencil case with a fairy on them? Tyrell Katz do some lovely ones.

Sissy79 · 13/06/2019 13:27

santa is an age appropriate way of telling children that they will be rewarded for good behaviour and punished for bad...

So is Christianity so why not write to your local church and see how you get on

ErrolTheDragon · 13/06/2019 13:30

I wouldn't tell a 10 yo that she's 'grown up' - hopefully she has a few more years of childhood yet, just a later phase of it. And I certainly wouldn't suggest the 'fairy' is moving on to other children since there's a fair chance she knows it's actually mum!

I think the idea in DuMondeB's link is good.

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smokyburgandy · 13/06/2019 13:30

I think I would write the response from you. I'm sure she knows it's you deep down, but the letter could acknowledge that, and suggest you continue, but instead of being Dear Fairy it could be Dear Mum, and you could still write letters? Might be a nice way for her to offload problems and worries as she goes up to big school.

IamPickleRick · 13/06/2019 13:31

All my children get presents regardless of behaviour, we don’t treat Santa like an evil over lord.

LittleKitty1985 · 13/06/2019 13:40

I agree @M3lon

Plus I can still remember the gut punch of having the truth about Santa confirmed to me aged 10. I hated that I'd been lied to and it made me distrust my parents. I'm not going to put DS in that situation.

Bluerussian · 13/06/2019 13:53

I also agree with M3lon. There is no Santa and there are no fairies. It can be fun to pretend as long as kids know it is just fantasy. A ten year old has usually outgrown all that.

Original poster

WelshMoth · 13/06/2019 15:11

Piglet, yes I'd considered that but I found her latest fairy offering earlier - she's written it in secret so I think a part of her still needs to believe. I don't want to pop that magical little bubble, no matter how small it is

OP posts:

Original poster

WelshMoth · 13/06/2019 15:12

Nomnom that's a great thought. No babies here though yet. We are waiting for eldest DD to start, so that's definitely one for the near future.

OP posts:

wlucy · 13/06/2019 15:50

Aw my mum did this for me.
Leave a final note saying that there are other very little girls that need a fairy friendship now and you will have to say goodbye now, but you will fly by from time to time to check on her. X

LadySainsburySeal · 13/06/2019 16:01

I would put money on the fact that she already knows and is playing along for your sake. Children talk to each other in the playground about all sorts of things.

user1486131602 · 13/06/2019 16:05

Why not answer the last fairy note saying that as she is now old enough to start big school, you ( the fairy) has to find another little girl to help and listen to? Then say how happy she has been sharing time and secrets with your daughter, wish her well, leave the fairy door open and sprinkle fairy dust across carpet towards window.

She will find out about FC soon enough!

Mine did, and now they are much older and still do the silly stuff ‘ as part of the Christmas spirit ‘. They said it didn’t feel like xmas without it!
Good luck

user1474894224 · 13/06/2019 17:15

Hmmmm....as she probably already knows...do you really need to say anything? Maybe writing to the fairy/you....is just a way of telling you something she can't verbalise to your face. As for Santa if you really must then next time she says she's going to ask santa for something why not try...."do you think it's time we had a chat about Father Christmas...." -- you'll know if she knows. I did this with my eldest and the tooth fairy. Now we cut out the middleman but do it in secret for the little ones.

GrapefruitIsGross · 13/06/2019 17:24

I think you need to tell her.

It’s lovely that you want to maintain the magic, but she’ll have the challenge of negotiating the move to senior school which is difficult enough without other children finding out she’s still a “believer”. 11/12 year olds aren’t known for their tact!

It would be an easier pill to swallow being told gently by your mum rather than brutally finding out at school and being the brunt of a joke.

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