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Original poster

My socialising is normal, right?!

30 replies

Wonderbread · 13/06/2019 09:45

My husband and I have always been extremely social and worked in sociable industries. Before children we’d go out 4 or 5 nights a week and I guess you could say I was quite a ‘party’ person.

Since getting older (now 42) and having children 5 years ago things have slowed right down, which is natural and I’m certainly not the party person I was. But yesterday my husband said he’s worried I’m not making enough effort to go out anymore and it’s got me worrying I’ve become anti-social!

In an average month I’d say I

  • go out during the week with a friend once or maybe twice
  • we’ll socialise together with friends at the weekend such as going to stay at theirs etc once or twice
  • we see local friends for meals, drinks, play dates twice

So I probably have 3-5 social occasions a month. I don’t really feel unhappy with this but is this really anti-social?! What do your social lives look like

OP posts:
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 13/06/2019 09:47

I think he's feeling the constriction of a life with kids, tbh. Is he hinting that he wants to spend more time with just you at such things?

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 13/06/2019 09:48

Also, I go out with just my husband once in a blue moon (twice a year, maybe?) so you're way ahead of me Grin

Singlenotsingle · 13/06/2019 09:48

Certainly not antisocial. We're antisocial. Apart from family, we probably see friends maybe half a dozen times a year.

BurnedToast · 13/06/2019 09:52

There's no such thing as 'normal' it's down to what makes you happy.

Maybe he's not happy and wants to cha he things, and is projecting a bit.

If it's any comfort I consider your level of socialising to be high. I work from home so often only see my children and husband from one week to the next. I might see friends once or twice a month and family a bit less. I am happy though so no issues.

Original poster
Wonderbread · 13/06/2019 09:57

No he goes out quite a lot - about once a week on top of our friend socialising - as has a hobby which he socialises with people at. So he’s not worried about himself!

We do go out alone together childfree fairly regularly too. I’d say once a month which isn’t bad with children!

OP posts:
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 13/06/2019 10:03

So he's finding fault with some aspect of your life that actually is quite good considering the fact you have kids.

My spidey sense is tingling, op - this sort of thing has a tendency to lead into "So and so at work, SHE understands me" and mentionitis, then maybe more....

Original poster
Wonderbread · 13/06/2019 10:05

Eh? He made an offhand comment about the fact I don’t go out much anymore, how does that translate into a affair!!!!

OP posts:
BigusBumus · 13/06/2019 10:13

DH and I are extremely social too. When the kids were younger i would say our social life looked a lot like yours. Now they are teens we go to the local village pub (walking distance) maybe 3 nights of 5 in the week, for an hour before dinner whilst boys do homework. 5.30-6.30 maybe, its the same group of people there every time. We usually have some kind of dinner party / comedy night / 50th party or similar at the weekend (either Friday or Saturday)and also we go out for lunch together just him and i once a week. I think its only the Friday or Saturday night we are in at home sometimes!

AlpacaP1cnic · 13/06/2019 10:17

Anti social isn't the correct term here. You mean unsociable

Only you can decide this one. Doesn't make a difference to you does it if I insist that you should be going out six times a week? Grin

Mrsjayy · 13/06/2019 10:22

It sounds like you have a very good social life better than me some does he really expect you do get baby sitters go out partying then look after children 5 nights a week ?

Mrsjayy · 13/06/2019 10:24

He is probably harking back to your old life he needs to let it go most families stay in some nights do dull stuff like watch tv and sleepGrin

HotChocolateLover · 13/06/2019 10:24

My social life consists of seeing my sister about twice a month, going out with DH about every other month (we are skint) and seeing a friend occasionally (every 3 months) You’re a social butterfly OP!

BurnedToast · 13/06/2019 10:27

Only MN would make a link between this remark and an affair Grin

SallyWD · 13/06/2019 10:29

That sounds normal to me

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 13/06/2019 10:30

If you're happy, it's fine.

I see friends maybe twice a month, might go for a coffee after lunch or after work with some colleagues if we feel like it, maybe once a week or so.

More than that and I'm knackered and don't enjoy it much.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 13/06/2019 10:31

And DEFINITELY never stay the night with people, unless they live overseas or they come to us from overseas.

Nothing conveys hell to me more clearly than the idea of house guests (parents and immediate family excepted.)

LenizarLyublyu · 13/06/2019 10:32

Way more social than us, and we are in our 20s. See family once a month there abouts, friends maybe two or three times a year. I don't have "mum friends".

floribunda18 · 13/06/2019 10:42

Probably a lot more than me and I'm your age. I'm out twice this week - that is highly unusual.

Tell him staying in is the new going out. People can't afford to go out any more and home entertainment is much better than it used to be.

Missingstreetlife · 13/06/2019 10:42

Is he enquiring about your welfare or saying you've got boring?

costacoffeecup · 13/06/2019 10:48

You go out a lot!! Which does make his comment a bit odd. Is he leading up to something like wanting to go out more himself? Although sounds like he does anyway.

I must say I'd suspicious of an ulterior motive if my DP was encouraging me to go out and leave him looking after the kids if I was already out so much anyway.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 13/06/2019 10:50

It actually sounds like you have a decent social life to me.

PlinkPlink · 13/06/2019 10:53

Yeah you get out a fair bit.

We barely do anything 😖

Not sure where your DH is coming from there but maybe it's a comparison thing? As in, in comparison to how sociable you were before.

It's just one of those things I think. Doesn't mean you're turning into a recluse.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/06/2019 10:55

I do that much in a year!! I think it's fine, you have children, plenty of time to party as the get older.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 13/06/2019 11:00

I'm not meaning to be some crazy alarmist, OP! Just that I've been on here for ages far too much and I think that's how things start.
There's the natural disappointment that sets in when you look around at all the restrictions that your life has now; you start to daydream about all the fun you used to have, and you gravitate towards the people who seem to be having fun (these are often at work), and they're all carefree and happy etc, and (now that you notice it) quite attractive. Plus they never tell you off for not loading the dishwasher....

Not saying that he's doing anything wrong, at all. Just saying that he sounds a little dissatisfied/bored, and that those people make bad choices sometimes.

Original poster
Wonderbread · 13/06/2019 11:14

Is he enquiring about your welfare or saying you've got boring?

I think he wants me to go out more so I don’t moan when he goes out!

OP posts: