Husband feeding daughter junk

[Devonishome1]

I work until 6.30pm mon-Friday so I’m not home at meal times. I have a 14 year old Dd. I try to cook her a healthy meal before I leave for work. The problem is that when I don’t get chance to cook my dh just feeds her junk. He is also continuously buying chocolate, biscuits, Ice cream. If it’s in the house dd will just eat. She then gets worried because she thinks that she’s putting on weight. Time after time I’ve asked dh to stop buying the junk. He also loves junk and I think that in the future is health will start to suffer because of it. It’s up to him what he eats but it’s his attitude towards our dd eating that is really upsetting me. I’m happy for treats a couple of times of a week or so but this is excessive. He took her to Tesco today and he bought her a chocolate bar which I found out about. They both completely denied it and basically lied to me. They did eventually admit to it. I’m worried about my dd health if this continues. I feel like I’m banging my head against a brick wall. My dad has serious heart problems due to lifestyle choices. I don’t want this for my dd. I don’t know what else to do and wondered if anyone could give me any advice.

Could he be feeding her trash because it’s easier than dishing up good snacks? Maybe a list of meals and snack ideas to substitute the junk would be a good start and if he continues to feed her junk I would argue why he couldn’t follow with easy instructions.

Yes that’s part of it. He won’t cook from scratch. It would be a pizza and chips or sausage and chips etc. It’s the chocolate and biscuits etc that are bad. He also hides them so that only dh and dd know where they are. It’s only in the last 2 years that I’ve worked until 6.30. Up until them I cooked all her meals. Her weight has increased considerably in those 2 years.

Doxxed yes dd will cook if I leave her the ingredients and recipe out. That is a really good idea to get her to do it as she enjoys cooking. Regarding the chocolate etc she has zero self control. I’ve explained so many times about the risk of health problems associated with eating too much of the wrong thing.

You need to explain to her about nutrition, calories, healthy eating etc. Explain why it's important she doesn't continue to eat the junk instead of proper food or on top of large meals. As you said it's an occasional treat. The hiding of snacks really could set her up for a bad relationship with food moving forward. She's old enough to prepare meals for herself or alongside her dad.

Is she overweight?

I think cooking her own meals is the way to go. Thanks for making me realise that!

14, Not 4... that with bells on. I try to cook a balanced, healthy diet at home just for DS to ruin it all by keeping a restricted diet of cheesy pasta, pizza and pancakes in school and use all his allowance to buy biscuits, fizzy drinks, etc. He can have a full cake on his own before I get back from work.

You no longer have much control on what they eat, so rather than making an issue out of it, making her conscious of her weight or buying her healthy snacks as if she was a toddler, make sure that she eats a good dinner as often as you can so her “unhealthy choices” are not the main part of her diet.

She is slightly overweight compared to most of her peers.

I agree that as they get older you don’t have so much control over what they eat. I understand that she’s a teenager and if I’m not around she’ll eat whatever junk she can find. It’s trying to get through to them both about healthy choices that will set her up for life. She gets upset because she’s putting on weight. She knows why she’s gaining weight but it doesn’t stop her either. I’ve also not said to her that she’s gaining weight. I instead have explained about diabetes etc which she is very much aware of.

I think the biggest problem is getting dh on board. He’s the problem behind all of it.

Honestly, please do not take her to slimming world, at this time she needs to learn to feel good about herself and making her feel like she is on the road to become chronically obese is not on, these days it seems that girls only need a little nudge to end up under eating.

She will also loose quite a bit of puppy fat over the next 2 years, you just need to convince your OH to buy her sweets every now and then rather than every day.

It’s not fair that you are the only parent watching out for her health. Dh needs to play a part too. Tell him that his diet will give her diabetes or heart failure.

Ffs, men are useless.

He is completely useless and a complete idiot!

My DD has to put up with fat sugary rubbish food her dad gives her as we're not together and he won't let her cook. I notice she is happier having much healthier options with me as wants to be more balanced.

I agree he should do more, but even if one parent leads it can still make a difference.

Time to guilt your DH I'm afraid OP- you say he has heart problems, remind him they are hereditary, so if he allows your DD to continue to keep eating junk food she'll suffer with her heart too. Good luck, wish I had better advice than that.

I have a little bit of a different perspective on this in that I spent a lot of my teenage years eating junk while my mum was on diets on and off for most of my life.

Although she would talk from time to time about me eating more healthily she basically let me get on with it with some affectionate tuts.

I am grown up now and eat far, far better out of choice but have an extremely healthy relationship with food and am in perfect physical health. I put a lot of that down to not having had a voice in my ear about it while I was growing up.

I now look around my peers and see just how many of them have an unhealthy relationship with food and I have to say there seems to be a big correlation with those who had over-anxious mothers who were far too involved in monitoring what their daughters ate (with the best of intentions). It can breed hang-ups so, so easily, even if you think you're treading carefully.

For what it's worth, I think the idea about encouraging her to find joy in cooking good things for herself is an excellent one.

Can anyone recommend any good books that I could buy for my daughter to read regarding making healthy choices?

Making healthy choices is to be encouraged. But it should not have got to the stage that they are both lying about having bought a chocolate bar in tescos.