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Terrible Mum

9 replies

Feelingfailure · 12/06/2019 11:23

I love my baby so much. As any mother loves her child. Nothing makes me happier than his smile or his laugh but I find him so exhausting at times.

He's 11 months. He takes great pleasure pulling my hair, ripping my glasses off my face, smacking me, etc. I know he doesn't mean too and he doesn't understand but it's still quite hurtful.

He does this frustrating thing where he arches his back in annoyance. I'll tell him no and he ignores me so I go to pick him up and remove him for the situation and he arches his back very forcefully and aggressively. He's getting quite strong and it takes every bit of strength to keep hold of him when he does it.

I just put him in his highchair to give him some fruit and he did the arching his back thing in the chair but it was honestly so forceful and aggressive I was worried he was going to hurt himself as he arched his back and threw himself back, smashing his head against the back of the highchair and when I told him no he did it even more forcefully so I unstrapped him straight away and picked him up.

He's slept through the night without issue since around 4 months old but he got his first proper cold, virus type thing a month ago and since then he's waking without fail several times between 2am - 4am. Then he's ready to be awake and play just before 5am. Whereas before he would sleep through until 8am. This means hes napping more during the day but he always resists this too.

He always been very content and happy. Never much of a crier. So I'm finding all this quite hard to cope with.

I've always found it hard to do the sit down and do the play thing with him. It's monotonous and boring. I preferred the newborn cuddles, milk and naps stage. But when I do get his toys out and sit to play with him, he isn't interested he just crawls off and tries to hunt down things that aren't toys and he shouldn't be playing with. There's a lot of "no" and chasing after him.

He's in Nursery two days a week while I work and i feel so guilty, as much as I miss him dreadfully, I bloody love it. Yet even thinking that feels me with such guilt and I look at him and feel terrible. I want to be with him all the time and cuddle him and see him happy but at the same time it's relentless.

He's only been at nursery a month so far and when I picked him up last week he had a bruise on his leg, his cheek and bruises both sides of his forehead, quite nasty ones so now I feel even more guilty about sending him to Nursery.

I feel like a terrible mum who not only fails at the parenting lark but I feel like I'm failing in every other aspect too. Health, finances, relationships, job, etc.

Don't know what I'm asking really. Just for others to say they get it and they've been here too.

OP posts:
Feelingfailure · 12/06/2019 11:24

Argh!! I did put paragraphs in! The whole thing is totally unreadable now Grin perhaps it was meant to be!

OP posts:
GloGirl · 12/06/2019 11:26

Been there! This was my second, it was insufferable tiring.

It's ok to not like some seasons of parenting. It's ok to feel guilty when you're not with them, it's ok to feel relieved if they're gone. It's ok to feel relieved and guilty at the same time!

Getting out and about as much as you can will help I think particularly at the not playing / not able to entertain themselves stage Brew

HulksPurplePanties · 12/06/2019 11:28

It all sounds like totally normal 11 month old stuff to me? Could have been either of mine at that age.

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Feelingfailure · 12/06/2019 11:29

@HulksPurplePanties that's exactly what I needed to hear!

OP posts:
Feelingfailure · 12/06/2019 11:30

@GloGirl Thank you! Flowers

OP posts:
saraclara · 12/06/2019 11:30

The arching the back thing is entirely normal. Both my (otherwise easy) kids did it. Especially if I was trying to put them in their car seat. It's pretty much the only tactic they have at that age.

HulksPurplePanties · 12/06/2019 11:36

LOL, well glad I made you feel better Feelingfailure. Just FYI, if you think he's got loads of bruises now, wait till he starts coming home from proper school. By 5 year old DD is a walking bruise!

Ziggzagg · 12/06/2019 11:40

Same here! DS is 18 months and drives me to the brink of insanity at times! Just as I'm about to strangle him/ throw him in the bin, he grabs my face with those tiny hands and kisses meShock I'm sure they're programmed this way!

Keep it up, it's ok not to be ok, kids are pure frustration at times and pure joy at others! It's the joys of parenting ThanksGin

AuntMarch · 12/06/2019 11:45

Don't feel bad about nursery! He is of the age where he is bound to get bumps and bruises as he becomes increasingly mobile and takes more risks with balance. They should be letting you know what happened but as long as the bruises aren't anywhere suspicious it's not something to worry about.

Playing with babies this age is hard but it honestly isn't unusual for them not to be that fussed by "toys". Pots and pans, containers with lids - lot of every day things can be quite fascinating. Obviously you don't want him crawling off and playing with wires, but if you're telling him "no", make sure you know why! If he's not going to harm himself or break anything, let him explore. See what he's drawn to and read up on schemas of play - it will help you plan activities that grab his interest more.

If he's resisting naps - stick him in the buggy and go for a walk. The walk itself will do you good (body and mind) and you can talk to him about what you can see around you etc. Have some podcasts downloaded you can listen to if he does drop off and just keep walking for a while and enjoy the peace!

Arching his back - let him. Just put him down and let him be cross. He's allowed to be!

It's all easy for me to say, I'm not going through it, but honestly it sounds like you just need to relax a bit, you're being hard on yourself!

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