SAHM’s -Any regrets?

[PerfectPeony2]

I went back to work a few weeks ago, I’m really struggling for various reasons but mostly because I’m missing DD. It’s only 3 days a week but she’s in nursery 8-5.

Just wondering what your reasons were for being a SAHM, do you think you made the right decision? Do you think your kids miss out by not going to nursery? Are you worried about future career prospects?

I’d love to stay home with her but it’s such a big decision. I don’t want to miss out on anything.

But that wasn't your question, OP.

Just wondering what your reasons were for being a SAHM.

I've never been a 'high earner'. I spent a decade looking after my elderly grandfather and sick mother, which has obviously left quite the gap in my CV. Any wage I would of earned would of gone straight back out on childcare. I could, in theory, ask my mum to look after DD but she's knocking on 70 and not in the best of health and I don't feel it would be fair to ask her to look after a rambunctious toddler and my MIL is up to her elbows in my SILS kids who she provides full time childcare for. The only option would be a childminder/nursery and it just didn't make sense to pay someone else and be no better off when I was more than happy to do it.

I am only going to do this once. Our first daughter sadly passed away and through one thing and another we won't be having any more children. It was important to me to spend as much time with DD2 as possible, she'll be small for such a short length of time and I didn't want to miss any of it.

Do you think you made the right decision?

Yes. It's not been brilliant financially but we get by and it wouldn't be any better if I was working. I've always been a bargain hunter and like to make the most out of our money, it might mean we save up for a few weeks for luxuries but DD gets everything she needs and our bills are met. I wouldn't change things as it is a joy and my greatest privilege to watch this little girl grow up and I'm prepared to make sacrifices in order to do so.

Do you think your kids miss out by not going to nursery?

Not really, we get out and about, she has cousins who also aren't in nursery just yet who she spends time with and she gets along well with other children. She's turning into a bright confident child who's not afraid to try new things.

Are you worried about future career prospects?

Not really. A job is a job to me, a means to an end. Whatever I end up doing I'll make the best of it.

I've always liked the lifestyle of being a sahm and that was why I chose it. I like being there for my dc, pottering at home, dealing with domestic stuff, and having a bit of me time when they're in school. I think I would have missed my dc a lot if I had put them into childcare, especially when they were younger or during school holidays. Part of my reason for becoming a mum in the first place was because I didn't like the stress of full time work or office politics, and being a sahm was an alternative to all of that. When my eldest left secondary school, I had another dc as a reason to do it all again.

It was definitely the right decision for me and my family. Financially, I've always been in a better position by being a sahm, although we could have afforded for me to work as well, if I had chosen to. My youngest dc went to pre-school at age 3 which I think helped their social skills. However, I will be sending my youngest to part-time nursery at age 2 as we can afford a good Montessori one and it would help her learn a lot of new skills.

I'm not concerned about future career prospects as I will be a sahm until my youngest finishes secondary school, and then DH will take early retirement so I will want to spend my time with him, so I don't have plans to return to work at all. Financially we're fine, my pension and ISAs are maxed out annually so I won't be scrimping in retirement. My state pension is covered, almost entirely through NI credits from child benefit and carers allowance (I only need 11 more years and I'll be able to claim those for youngest dc until she is 12).