Daughter 4 and anxiety

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My daughter had always been nervous and worries about things more then her siblings. She started getting so stressed about sleeping on her own we were spending more time every evening trying to get her back to sleep we ended up letting her sleep in our bed as we both work and need to be up early. I assumed that she will grow out of this, but I've also noticed she really worries about any film which has a bad person in it, even if she's seen it before and knows it will all be ok. For example she loves Moana and frozen but refuses to watch them. She only watched cartoons with no bad people like hey dugee

But the last couple of weeks before going to sleep she's asks me a couple of times if the doors and windows are shut and locked. Especially if her dad is not home, tonight he popped out to B&Q as I was putting her to bed and she was really stressed. She had two older siblings who are not like this at all, should I be worried or concerned about her ?

She sounds like my 5 year old, shes a sensitive little soul too

My daughter is like that from a very young age she's now 13

I was this child and have the traits as an adult. I would teach her distraction strategies as I found them the most helpful-so story tapes to fall asleep to, classical music on very quietly, night light. I would imagine she’s a fan of routine so maybe introduce some calming ones in place of locking up-maybe light a candle for story time then let her blow it out?
I’d be led by her on films etc I am still a total wimp. I have a very overactive imagination-it’s useful in other parts of life!

And have they grown out of it.

I want to give them a home that feels like a safe place, which is partly why I let her sleep with me, but the worrying about doors and windows feels a bit like ocd?

Also I’ve heard good things about cosmic kids on YouTube-mindfulness/relaxation type things

I still worry about doors and windows and have no OCD or any other anxiety disorders

My daughter is like that, from being very small she's now 13 and getting better she had cognitive behavioural therapy and it did help,but she will always be anxious it's just who she is,

Is room share with a sibling an option? I’ll be honest, it may take a very long time for her to ‘grow out’ of sleeping in your room.

My sister (close in age, grew up together) is so far the other way she has been known to go to bed without locking her house up (lives alone) which horrified me!! My point being I doubt you’re doing anything ‘wrong’ it’s just how she’s wired

I’m forty two and I still don’t like sleeping on my own. Nor do I like scary films and I worry about burglars etc. I do find listening to guided meditations and stories helps me and keeping a radio on all night helps too, and having a low light in hall.

This book is very helpful OP, maybe worth a try:
Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-step Guide for Parents www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1572245751/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_eAbaDbR48W7FB?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I was like this too, I slept in my parents bed until I was about 10. I remember being terrified to just cross the landing in the night to get to their room. I'd worry obsessively about my mum if she went out in the evening etc.

As an adult I'm still a nervous character in that way, sorry! Hate being in the house on my own with the DCs at night (was the same pre DCs) and on the rare occasion DH has been away overnight I get very nervous. It hasn't affected me otherwise, I just see myself as a wimp.

I don’t see myself as a wimp or see it as unusual. We are evolutionarily programmed to be wary at night and not be on our own, to protect us from sabre toothed tigers!!! We aren’t that far removed from our cave dwelling ancestors and lots of cultures still have family groups living together. I think people who are entirely comfortable on their own at night are the odd ones!

Sorry, but I hate to see children labelled as having anxiety - and 4! Anxiety is a clinical diagnosis - I hope you are not telling your child she has anxiety.

At age of 4 the parents should be thinking about how they are modelling coping with their worries, how they contain their child’s worries, if they allow their child to problem solve themselves, how they demonstrate regulating their emotions and what conversations children are overhearing. Worries and stress are part of life and should be normalised, not medicalised.

Children of 4 do not have anxiety.

I totally disagree. Some children are more anxious than others. I strongly believe there is a genetic element to anxiety and that it shows itself from a very early age. I agree we need to model healthy ways of responding to anxious thoughts and try to give children the mental resilience and tools to manage anxiety, hopefully so we have fewer adults with anxiety that they can’t manage.

This is the best book you can buy if you have a child that worries a lot.
What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What-to-Do Guides for Kids (R)) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1591473144/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_vujaDbNHRPQG8?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

And yes it does describe “overcoming anxiety” - older children can be diagnosed properly (by a health professional and not a self diagnosis by a parent) with anxiety, but not a child of 4.

I'd take this seriously but try not to worry too much yourself about it.
As someone has already said, a certain level of anxiety is both normal and helpful. It's when your reactions to only moderate sources of risk get out of control that you need to consider how to deal with that.
My DD has had counselling for mild anxiety and intrusive thoughts when she was 7 or 8, which was very helpful as she continues to have flare ups but is now able to recognise what's happening.
Definitely read the books recommended. Whilst it's counter intuitive, you can't let her avoid the things that stress her, but she can learn to rationalise (with help) the genuine level of risk. You can also teach her ways to moderate the physical aspects of stress - fast heartbeat, breathing too fast etc, which make you feel awful with mindfulness, breathing and relaxation techniques (look up cat stretching which is a gentle quite fun thing to do)

Stress and worry needs to be talked about. Parents should talk to their children about things they worry about / worried about as a child and how they overcame their worries. I’m not saying it’s the case here, but parents can often over share and project their own adult worries onto their children, which children do not have the emotional intelligence to cope with.

Sorry that looks like I am contradicting myself - I mean they should talk about worries they have had which relate to the child’s worries at an age appropriate level. But not to over share worries that the child can not relate to - ie financial worries, employment worries, relationship worries etc

Rhino - I have not diagnosed or labelled her, I have just become more aware of her seeming anxious / worried about a lot. She's the youngest of three and I work full time, so I do worry I rush around so much I may not be noticing behaviours that I should possibly be worrying about, hence my post on her.

I don't overshare my worries with her, I do try and comfort her.

I guess I just want to support her to be a confident and happy child

I think anxiety can present in different ways and for different reasons.

Our dd1 (13) is and always has been and anxious child - with similar worries to your dd. She had a series of sessions with CAMHS when she was 10, as it started to affect her at school and she was finding life difficult to cope with. This gave her some strategies, and has also made her realise that the way she feels is ok, there is help there if she needs it and she is not alone. She still has times when she struggles, but we all feel better able to cope with it. It is her nature to be cautious, wary of others and a little anxious.

Her sister (12) has always been more relaxed, slept well, pretty fearless, lots of friends etc. She has had a couple of episodes which were full on panic attacks - they came out of the blue and were very frightening. They were related to specific things.

Ds (8) has a genetic condition, he has a lot of sensory issues, medical problems and autistic tendencies. He suffers anxiety as a result of these things and always has.

Children of 4 do not have anxiety. - yes they can.