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If you're a SAHP with school age children, do you get loads of 'extra' things done?

85 replies

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 11/06/2019 18:57

Or do you find jobs expand to fill your time? Genuinely curious and not judgy.

Over the last few years I've been working in a way that means I have periods where I'm WOH loads then times when I'm effectively a SAHM. (supply teacher)

When I'm working I always imagine that I'll achieve some great projects when I'm at home - loads of DIY, write a novel, blog, study or something. In reality I just do the things I normally rush round fitting in around work but in a more relaxed and enjoyable way so taking the dog for a long walk after the DC are at school rather than dashing out before breakfast; going to Aldi/shopping around instead of having the same order delivered from Tesco every Sunday. DH has less to do when he's around which means more relaxed evenings and weekends which is lovely but generally means we watch box sets and drink tea rather than achieving anything impressive!

Not even sure what the point of this thread is really other than another symptom of having time on my hands Grin Think I'm hoping to be inspired by people doing amazing things between 9.30 and 3!

OP posts:
DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/06/2019 06:32

reefedsail yes you are right about Aldi and I don’t go every day although could cut down on how often I go. We always need milk though!

Even with that though I just don’t understand how people do things so quickly. Using the washing as an example, yes it takes two minutes to put it in the drier but at least 15 mins to put it on the line.

Coincidentally, I did actually look at where my day went earlier this week and I just despair. I have 4 and a half hours usually in the day.

30 mins to 1 hour food shop which I need to address and streamline
30 mins at least sorting out laundry
1 hour general tidy up and sorting out crap left everywhere
1 hour exercise
That’s 3 hours gone.
30 mins getting ready for activities like swimming after school
1 hour life admin, often have work to catch up on, cooking, prepping tea etc.

The day is then gone and I have not even sat down and eat all meals standing up.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/06/2019 06:37

Just remembered I also have a load of Brownie badges to sew on. So on a Friday with that and the assembly I will get nothing done again. Can’t sit and do them in he evening as usually don’t properly sit down until 10pm or so.

QuickQuestion2019 · 13/06/2019 06:39

I'm a full time working lone parent and the essentials get done easily in the week, big clean at weekends, substantial jobs monthly. Jobs expand to fit time available.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Takeittotheboss · 13/06/2019 09:15

It's the big chunks of time that I just don't have. I can't leave projects and materials out when DH and kids home, so painting, decluttering, renovating all have to be set up, done, put away in such a short time that you can't acheive anything fast. Plus it's very tedious and I therefore put things off as can't hack the surrounding work to do the actual project!

BertieBotts · 13/06/2019 09:43

I am exactly the same as you. Just expand the same things to fit more time Blush

And waste lots of time on the computer.

confusedofengland · 13/06/2019 10:22

Takeittotheboss I know what you mean about not having large chunks of time. However, I'm currently painting the bathroom (a big job as it's walls, ceiling, door & was all bare before) & just doing 15-30 minutes at a time. When I've finished I pop all the materials in a bin bag & tie it up, and the DC know not to go in there. If I waited for a whole free day I would never do it at all!

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 13/06/2019 10:32

Surprisingly, no. My whole day is wasted being busy but not actually getting shit done. I don't know how it happens but I do feel like I'm always doing something but achieving nothing. I do have a small volunteer role and I am often found attending something out at the school but mainly I am home. I think motivation is a massive factor. If I had time limits I would like to think I would be better at this. Another thing is sometimes when you see something all the time you get used to it and it becomes unnoticeable. Like the huge pile of stuff on the table or the loose shower head for example.

My DSis however manages to work FT and keep a really clean, organised house. I think it's because of two things: a) there's no one messing up the house from 7am to 6pm and b) because time is tight she has a well practiced and efficient schedule and gets everything done

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 13/06/2019 12:14

I work full time am the day is packed. I get up at 5am to exercise before work, cram housework in around, go to the shops every day etc.

However I recently had a week off and did..nothing. Because I had so much time I could not motivate myself to do anything.

Myl0w · 13/06/2019 13:10

I thought I would have so much time when my DS went to school. DH has commented when he’s off and doing the school run that there’s not much time between drop and pick up to get anything done. I try to get shopping, housework etc done so we can relax at the weekend but I actually find myself getting resentful that all of these errands/chores/volunteering means I have no time to myself. I’ve started getting up an hour early to do things.

BogstandardBelle · 13/06/2019 13:56

Hmm I don't get as much done as I hoped to, and certainly no big projects like writing a book. Two school aged kids, and we're in France so the school day is long - 0830 to 1645 every day. I'm working very part-time within school hours now.

There are certain things I do that take up more time than they would if I cut some corners. So I cook from scratch, always. I shop at the market for fruit and veg at least 2-3 times a week, plus one big shop by car. Pretty much all the housework gets done during the day. I am an avid Kondo-er and have decluttered everywhere. I used to do a major volunteer role, which took up a lot of time but have cut back on that since I started working. I help out regularly at the youngest's school - reading, accompanying them to trips and sports things. I cover all the sick kid days, random school strike days, school meetings, etc so that DH doesn't have to. I do all our admin - tax returns, medical stuff - normal life in France is very admin-heavy, not least thanks to Brexit and needing to get residence cards / driving licences / nationality applications on the go (humph! - a full time job in itself). I do all our decorating and lots of DIY - we live in an old apartment, there's always something that needs repairing or fixing up. I also scour FB for good quality second hand furniture and white goods when we need them - much cheaper but a lot more time-consuming than just buying new. Oh and yes, organising holidays, activities (again a time-consuming thing here as nothing happens through the schools, they all have to be done through various associations - each of which involves a different sign-up and medical process). I also organise all our family travel - we have family back in the UK that we try to see at least a couple of times a year, which gets very complicated between holidays and different timetables. So I spend a lot of time negotiating with my parents, DH parents, both our sisters and their families to organise trips at Christmas and during the summer - as well as try and get some time just for us! So I get a shitload done, and take the pressure of DH who works long hours in a demanding job, but it easily fills the time alloted to it.

However, the real point of my post is that over the 10+ yrs of being a SAHM and working pt is that if you want to achieve something out of the ordinary - writing a book, creating a successful blog, major decorating project, learning a language, commit to a gym or sports routine, whatever - you need to treat it as if it was work. You need to separate out the time that you are going to spend on it, schedule it into your diary and enforce it in someway (this is the hard bit when it's not a work situation, there's no boss standing over you). It won't just happen as it will always be pushed to the side by the more immediate / pleasant tasks that need done. No-one's really going to notice if you haven't learned to speak Mandarin or haven't done Couch25k... but they will notice if the dog isn't walked, they're eating frozen pizza and oven chips for tea or they've got no clean pants or they've missed their tetanus booster vaccination date etc etc.

So yeah, if you want to achieve something beyond the daily grind, get it in your diary and commit to it. It's the only way.

FreeButtonBee · 13/06/2019 14:10

I get a lot done on my one day off (a Monday which I think helps) - youngest child only in nursery for 4 hour but normally I go to exercise class, do any odds and end shopping (buy gifts/children's clothes/top up shop/stuff for the house/holidays), do post office run/charity shop run. Then I have a list of admin to do when I get back. I make a really specific list and one week I'll do bills and money admin, another sort a room or old outgrown clothes, another week research/do/arrange DIY stuff (eg this year I have had a room recarpetted, researched and ordered a wardrobe for an awkward room, got an area tiled (so needed to research the tiles/order/find tiler/be in when they came etc), had a plumber in to do all the annoying odd jobs like fix old annoying flushing loos and replace taps, had the guttering replaced outside). If weather is good, I'll do some gardening.

I normally pick up DS2 from nursery then have my lunch when he gets back. Then we potter about for the afternoon until school pick up time.

I generally don't do much house work though (maybe one or two washes and put washing away plus a general put shit back where it belongs) but run a pretty tight ship the rest of the week so not too necessary.

I also plan meals for the week and finish online food shop which comes on Tuesday mornings. I think it being just one day a week helps as I know I won't get another chance to do these things alone til the next week (and thn holidays/half terms/inset days come along to break the routine so in reality I only get about 25 days a year!)

confusedofengland · 13/06/2019 14:43

This thread has actually spurred me on so I feel like I've done loads today! Usual dishwasher & washing, village market & coffee with a friend & put 2 coats of paint on the bathroom. Just about to have a quick tidy up before I leave to pick up DS3, in 20 mins Smile I really don't feel like it but I know I'll feel better when I do.

Stravapalava · 13/06/2019 14:47

I am doing an Open University degree, so between that, the housework, appointments and exercise / socialising, I don't get time to do any big jobs / write a novel etc!

elliejjtiny · 13/06/2019 15:00

I'm a sahm to 5 school aged dc. No novels being written here but the house is tidier, I do more batch cooking and I have more time to do fun things with the dc at weekends/holidays.

reefedsail · 13/06/2019 17:40

Disorganised (and others), I think you know you are not getting much done because you are inefficient.

What could your kids possibly be doing after school that takes 30mins to prep for?

My DS sails. If he's doing a full day at the weekend I have to prepare two mobile meals (one lunch box, one hot pasta in a thermos), make sure he has 2 full changes of sailing kit, dry robe, buoyancy aid, shades, sun cream etc. I also have to pack the car with all the boat bits that live at home (foils, sails, ropes etc). There is a lot of stuff. I have a system and I can have it done in 20 minutes.

He also swims 5 times a week. Packing for swimming is literally- pick up shorts and towel, put in bag. Done. Less than 2 minutes?

You must seriously faff. Which is fine- you have time to faff (I work full time so I have to have systems). Maybe just faff happily though rather than beating yourself up about it. Or if you are not happy with faffing... just stop faffing???

DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/06/2019 18:17

Oh totally, I know I am inefficient. That is why I feel like a total failure with what I achieve. Any tips? Genuinely, I need them!

Packing for swimming and other after school activities: in that I include snack for after school, swim/ sports kit, water bottles and packed tea. Possibly also some homework etc for the DC to do while they wait.

All that sailing stuff would take me at least an hour to sort, probably two Shock.

I’d love to stop faffing. Time just disappears Sad.

reefedsail · 13/06/2019 18:52

Maybe start not packing for swimming (or whatever) until 10 minutes before you have to leave, so that is all the time you have available for it.

Likewise, go food shopping 20mins before you have to leave to get to school, so you cannot be longer than 20mins.

Then, when you have learned not to faff through necessity you can apply the same tactics when you don't actually have a deadline.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/06/2019 19:08

Ooh I could try that, thanks.

FreeButtonBee · 13/06/2019 19:48

I think my Efficiency comes from actually being really lazy. I want to get to the point in my day as quickly as possible where I can legitimately sit down and put my feet up with a clean conscious. Doing stuff as quickly and painlessly as possible gets me there faster 😄

With swim stuff, ours all lives in an enormous shopping bag in the laundry room. It goes straight from the machine to drier to bag. Goggles etc stay in the bag. Have separate shampoo/shower gel that lives in the bag. Then just fire in snacks and water and go.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/06/2019 19:50

I never sit down guilt free, ever. Now I feel guilty being in here because I need to start bedtime. I can’t imagine sitting down guilt free even in the evenings Sad. I allow myself to sit down properly after 10pm. Often I am not finished by then anyway.

reefedsail · 13/06/2019 19:51

With swim stuff, ours all lives in an enormous shopping bag in the laundry room. It goes straight from the machine to drier to bag. Goggles etc stay in the bag. Have separate shampoo/shower gel that lives in the bag. Then just fire in snacks and water and go.

This is where it is at. Having systems in place for everything so you barely have to think about it.

MrsDeaconClaybourne · 13/06/2019 20:13

Wow - I had no responses so didn't check for a day then suddenly there's loads!

I'm reassured that lots of us are doing similar things. I don't think I'm a faffer, like a PP I've got good systems for everything. I've 3DCs doing a variety of activities and everything goes straight into its own bag/storage and I'm pretty efficient at packed teas, snacks etc for after school. Sometimes I do work at short notice so all that kind of stuff is in place.

My problem is I'm not disciplined to treat doing any project as 'work' like Belle said. If I'm working I'm super efficient at home as I know I've not got time for anything else but when I'm not I'm inclined to potter and take my time over stuff. I'm not unhappy just sometimes feel like I should be making more of the opportunity of having time as I know it's a bit of a luxury I might not always have.

OP posts:
thaegumathteth · 13/06/2019 22:27

I’m mostly a sahm but work sporadically. Dh is often the other side of the world with work:

I don’t understand how people can have no time to sit down. I can’t stand faffing so I’ve got routines that aren’t even routines now they’re just second nature - activities that require equipment all have their own bag : area , shoes,!coats? Homework etc are always kept in the same place, kids pack their bags for the next day before bed.

I’m not a naturally organised person and I get massively stressed if I feel like I have too much to do in an allotted time but honestly there’s loads of time when I’m at home and I suppose I COULD be painting the shed / decluttering or whatever and often I do but I don’t always because sometimes I read or see friends or play with the dog or whatever.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 13/06/2019 22:35

I don’t understand how people do have time to sit down! The school day goes lightening quick.

thaegumathteth · 13/06/2019 23:02

Ok but a typical day for me is :

Get back from school run 9-915
Unload / load dishwasher
Put wash on
Clean kitchen
Tidy living room
Sit down about 10am or meet friends for coffee
Unload dishwasher and put away
Hang up washing
Do a job like sort through drawers or organise paper work
Have lunch
Read
Pick kids up
Usual after school palava often with friends round